Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

Ganked! Sunday edition.
Ethec here to scrape the bottom of the barrel in our Sunday news you can't use piece! It's bad out there newswise, friends; next Sunday I might just have to strike out on my own a bit. You know, create some news in a less than diabolical or illegal manner. Or just put better stuff on the Saturday reject pile!
As usual, you can't make this stuff up:

• Yoga Makes Norwegian Inmates Unruly.
  
  Apparently soothing "nature sounds" tapes unlock primal instincts, too.
• Boy Opts for Chopin over Beethoven, Crowd & Piano Teacher Squabble, Lawsuits Fly .
  
  Kind of reminds me of my 4th-grade piano recital. Not.
• Teacher's Nightmare: Nine Sets of Grade-School Identical Twins
  
  Nine to misbehave, nine to provide an alibi, none to rule them all and in disciplinary darkness bind them.
• Dog Escapes from Alcatraz, Swims 1.2 Miles In Cold, Heavy Currents
  
  The "birddog" of Alcatraz was later seen growling at his owner. Apparently dogs don't have a penchant for stupid stunts like humans do.
• Man Goes Up Against Police With Medieval Weaponry
  
  Man later seen playing rock-paper-scissors with Kim Jong Il.
• Research Indicates Men Physiologically Have Difficulty Hearing Women.
  
  Men everywhere cheer! Then settle into a recliner with the TV remote.