Posted Mon, Sep 05, 2005 by Boomjack
I am back from my trip to TenTonHammer Investor HQ where I was grilled like a chicken breast at a Texas tailgate party. I was told I could no longer make fun of the crazy Chinese, the feeble French or the ninkumpoop North Koreans. I also can't use the word "ass". Apparently, or so I was told, there is a line of social acceptance that I tend to cross on a regular basis. ASSinine I say! ASSuming that there is such a line. Show me the line!
The Labour Day weekend is always slow for MMOG news and this one is no different. I hope that everyone who has the day off is enjoying it, and thinking of us poor simpletons who are working today, shackled by the restrictions posted above like not being to compare Kim il Jong to Vin Diesel or China to a Dollar Store.
A big round of clap to Jeff "Ethec" Woleslagle who took over for me as news gatherer and humour hunter. I'm sure that many of you are disappointed that I am back. How unfortunate for you.
Ethec will be travelling to the Bronx Zoo this week, where he will be entertaining visitors with his ability to fling poop and delouse himself. If all goes well he hopes to start up an entertainment troupe that will fling poop across America, eventually overtaking the Blue Man Group as the market leader.
Monday Vin Diesel Fact:
And on the 7th day, Vin Diesel created God.
I may have to stop giving you folks a news story to come up with a humorous headline for, as quite frankly, none of you have been very funny. Such gems as "Reporter Yells Woman" make my head Asplode. I'll give you a couple more chances, but you really need to work with me on this.
Today's Story - EU, China Hail Textile Deal
Send your humorous headline submissions to [email protected]. If you spam me, I will hunt you down and la keke you to death.
What's new on the network.
What was recently recent, or what we still want you to see...you decide.
Now on to the real world, or NOT. I had about 15 stories in here, but our POS servers won't post this piece if I include ANY of them. Censorship!!!!
As always, in your service, -- John "Boomjack" Hoskin