As we near the target ship date for Age of Conan, I find myself getting antsy. It’s been nearly five months for me since I was truly wrapped up in a good MMOG and I’m really starting to feel that itch to get back into a virtual world. So as I sit at home “sick” from work, waiting on the UPS guy to deliver my parts from Newegg, I have been thinking. How can one occupy one’s self for the next few weeks before Age of Conan launches and unleashes its awesomeness upon the gaming public?



Behold these Seven Waiting Commandments. If you feel as eager as I, go forth and utilize this knowledge to sate your desires or at least quell them until the 20th of May, 2008.

Seven Things to Do While Waiting for Age of Conan

• 1. Get Drunk and Punch Random Passersby – While this might not be a change for many peoples’ daily routines (Martuk namely), it is a certified way to get yourself prepared for many a tavern brawl in Age of Conan. I highly suggest a robust mead, for extra authenticity.
• 2. Become Shipwrecked and Strut Around the Beach in a Loincloth – Also more of a preparatory way to spend your time, this hobby is a proven method to acclimate yourself to what will be your Hyborian existence. The only additional rule is that you must wear underwear beneath the loincloth. It may not be authentic this way, but it will save you from getting sand in delicate places.
• 3. Knit A Quilt – Now, I know this doesn’t exactly tie into Age of Conan in any way, nor does it seem like the most exciting thing to do. But that’s probably because you’ve never tried it. Seriously, put down the mouse and keyboard and get those needles out. By the time May 20th rolls along, you’ll have a cozy afghan to wrap all the corpses of your enemies up in.
• 4. Tattoo Yourself – Why pay a hundred or more in cash to have some lackey ink up your arm when you can do so yourself? It’s what Conan would do, and we all want to be like him! So grab the rubbing alcohol, sharpen that safety pin and leak open some Bic pens into a pool on your counter. Then proceed to poke yourself repeatedly with the tip of the pin until you’ve fashioned a keen image of a smiley, or perhaps a kitten. Or my personal favorite and ultimate sign of manliness: the tribal ring of thorns. Then sit back and watch as the puny non-tattooed people bow before you.
• 5. Ride a Mammal as Your Training Mount – Not everyone can afford a horse, or even a pony. Therefore I suggest finding some other beast to make carry you (the burden). For instance, I have been using squirrels. The little guys are actually quite easy to catch with proper timing and relatively easy to strap to one’s feet. I call them Squirrel-Skates. Look for this handy (and furry) footwear craze soon at your local TJ Maxx.
• 6. Construct a Fort and Defend It – The siege battles in Age of Conan are undoubtedly one of the most anticipated features. So what better way to pass the time than practicing your tactics in the real world? Find as many boxes as you can and build your own monstrous fortress on the lawn. Then as small children and mailmen alike near your domain, smite them with the fury of a thousand cardboard catapults and ballistae.
• 7. Stalk Funcom’s Every Move – The last and most worthwhile time-waster, I find that stalking the creators of your most anticipated game is an unabashed sign of love and loyalty and in no way a creepy way to spend your days. Jørgen Tharaldsen can keep his restraining order. Thanks to the glory of the internet, I can keep an eye on him from the comfort of my own home. By the way, Jørgen, you might want to replace the burnt out bulb in your bathroom. It really makes it hard to see things in there.

So there you have it: seven fool-proof ways to help pass the time between now and when Age of Conan finally launches on May 20th. I plan on repeating these basic habits once a day for the next few weeks, as I honestly can’t see any of them becoming boring… especially number seven.



But what about you guys? What other pearls of wisdom do you have for your fellow Soon-To-Be-Hyborians? Feel free to add to the list of "Things" on our forums, here!