WAR: What If...?

A look at a WAR that could've been


What goes into a game like Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning? How many different ideas are discarded before the designers choose the one they like? What happens to those ideas? For once an idea is created, it can not be destroyed and if it can not be destroyed, then where does it go?

For you mortals, it's as if they never move on from the trash can but for me it is different, for I... I am Bro-atu! I am of an ancient (but less than 40 so not too ancient mind you) race of beings known only as... the Writers. It is our job to look at ideas that were thought of but never implemented, see where they break into an alternate timeline, follow where the divergence of the time stream leads, look at the things that could've been, and then tell you about it. It sounds like a lot, but the gig pays well and there's good benefits so, y'know, that's a plus.

Recently, a game of large interest to a multitude of people has come to my attention. This game, WAR, has piqued my interest so I deemed it necessary to look into its history and trace the ideas that were thought to be "not suitable" and tossed aside. I have looked into the threads of reality and have found the trail of those forgotten ideas and now I bring you a few scenarios that you may be interested to see. Sit back and MARVEL at what was lost, but is now found! I give you... WAR: WHAT IF...?!

What if... Orcs had feelings?

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WAAAGH!.

Orcs in WAR have no focus other than one. To destroy! When they have no one else to battle, they turn this lust for fighting inwards and war amongst themselves! Were this not the case, the world of Warhammer would be taken over by this point for the Orcs are a hardy battle unit with massive numbers and a never ending drive to fight... but what if that weren't the case? What if the Orcs had feelings?

Very simply, if Orcs actually had feelings other than WAAAGH! and eat, they wouldn't actually be Orcs, would they? Oh sure, they could sit around and bemoan their fate of being betrayed by Humans, Elves, and Dwarves, griping that they're forced to live in their harsh surroundings, but that it's ok because it makes them stronger, all the while listening to the new hit single by "Tauren Park" and cutting themselves.

Luckily, that idea was scrapped, and WAR has Orcs that don't live in a pit because it makes them stronger. They live in a pit because they LIKE IT! They don't say things like "Still our old would be allies hunt us and so you must never trust the dwarves or men", but instead say things like "Wot? You mean ta say, dat dere's stunties walkin about with dems nogginz still attached? WOT WE STANDIN ROUND HERE FER?!", which is the way Orcs should act cause Orcs are mean, tough, and nasty... and they don't really like you.

What if... Blackguard is actually a crafting only class?!

This alternate timeline might actually come true. With almost ten months gone since they were announced, hardly a word has been uttered by EA Mythic about the abilities, skills, or career masteries of this enigmatic class. It's very possible that the Blackguard were put in this game with only one sole purpose in mind... to craft stuff for other Dark Elven classes! They would use the Hate mechanic to gather power to work the forges and looms! They could wield double edged metallurgy tongs or the fishing pole of doom with a tackle box in the other hand! They could be the most feared crafters of the Druchii, making awesome battle doilies and necklaces! Their Career Mastery paths could revolve around gathering skills, giving them extra chances to spot harvesting nodes or gather at twice the speed of regular players!

Truly, the Blackguard could be a class to be reckoned with... in the crafting hall.

What if... The Chaos Chosen were selected through a complicated contest involving voter tallies and a panel of judges, known only as... The Inevitable City Idol?

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Tzeentch was unimpressed by the last performer.

Tchar'Zanek would be Randy, Tzeentch would be Simon, and Slaanesh would be Paula. Yeah, I know. I'm skeeving myself out and I'm not even done yet. The Chosen contestants would go through initial auditions, hundreds of thousands showing up to find some way to catch the judges attention. One breaks into a helaciously off key chorus of "Stacy's Mom" and right about the time you find out that "Stacy's Mom has got it goin' on", Slaanesh eats him and is applauded by the audience.

After several scathing remarks by Tzeentch, each contestant that doesn't make the cut is driven insane. Tchar'Zanek maintains some dignity, even in the act of telling the guards to toss a failed candidate into the spaces between the isles of the Inevitable City. Some are turned into beast men and made to wait for a future expansion to show themselves.

Soon, it's narrowed down to eight finalists and the war effort is put on hold. The venue changes to the Coliseum where the finalists perform different singing acts during combat. Votes are cast at the end of each act by the audience in the form of spears and rocks. Out of the Chaos comes a winner, who is awarded a contract with Tzeentch and a remaining lifetime supply of mutagenic effects on his person.

Cause really, who wouldn't take the chance of being eaten by Slaanesh to get a few tentacles growing out of your abdomen. I mean, c'mon, chicks dig a guy with horns growing out of his nostrils.

What if... this were to be continued?

Which it will be. For I, Bro-atu the Writer, do not wish to overload your mortal minds with these thoughts of what could've been! Plus, that last one kinda made me queasy. The though of Slaanesh chowing down on some guy's torso, slime and slobber all over the place... let's just say Slaanesh has the table manners of that Ralphie's little brother in the movie "A Christmas Story".

So, stay tuned for "What If... The Tomb Kings were playable?"

I'll be hoarking up my lunch in the bathroom if anyone needs me.


The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the Ten Ton Hammer network or staff.


To read the latest guides, news, and features you can visit our Warhammer 40,000: Storm of Vengeance Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning Game Page.

Last Updated: Mar 29, 2016

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