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Before I start my daily MMO enema I have this little treat for Lord of the Rings fans.

• Leonard Nimoy Singing About Bilbo Baggins.

Now on to your regularly scheduled program.

Second Life (SL), is the game that wasn't, or isn't, depending on who you talk to. I've written it before and I'll write it again, the Second Life PR folks are geniuses. They have taken what is essentially a unappealing platform and caused such a ruckus that everyone, including me is spamming their name like a V1agra!1! advertisement.

Case in point, I stopped by Raph Koster's blog as I am wont to do and what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a tiny SL sleigh and eight tiny SL reindeer.

One of the articles was discussing the SL verbal diarrhea that seems to be impossible to control.

It appears the folks at Linden Labs went too far, giving out actual numbers to the public rather than just making unverified claims. Van Hemlock took these numbers and crunched them, bunched them, picked them back up and punched them. What he deduced may not be a surprise, but it at least it lends credit to my SL bashing.

"Ah, right into the good stuff. The first graph shows the number we've all been looking for - Premium Residents. In any other MMO, these are called Subscribers, and are people who are paying a monthly fee (currently $9.95 USD), in order have the capacity to own any land at all, and be given about 2000 L$ pocket-money a month as part of the deal. Out of a currently flaunted 1,966,820 'Residents', only about 36,000 are actually paying anything. Everyone else is a Basic Resident, or to the rest of us, on 'Indefinite Free Trial'. These free trial Basic accounts make up 98.17% of all Second Life accounts."

What irked me so much about the SL hype was the huge numbers that they were throwing around. As it turns out, the huge number is a "played ever" number. Who cares? What that tells me is that nearly two million people tried SL and disliked it enough to never play it again.

Only 36,000 are actually paying to play. Oh, I wrote "play" and not "contribute" or "live". The SL fans, all 36,000 of them will be writing in to chastise me.

Here's a heads up to all 36,000...don't waste your time. You would be happier building your furry sex shop or your freaky porno avatar and living your second life. Remember, you bought the second life because your first one sucks and I probably contribute to the suckage.
36,000 people, that's it. I get hate-mail from more people in a week than that. I'm going to start a "Hated me ever" statistic and PR it every day on CNN. Linden Lab cultists....here I come!

Are you a Linden Labs cultist? Have you been recruited by one? Let me know, either in the comments section of the blog or in our forums!

Exclusive TenTonHammer.com Content!

12.14.2006

• Dungeons and Dragons Online: Ranger Enhancements Guide
  "DDO @ Ten Ton Hammer melee class specialist Nuitaran brings us another DDO Guide. This one helps us pick the best Enhancements to build a ranger."
• Gods and Heroes: Updated World Guide
  "Ten Ton Hammer has your guide to the world of Gods and Heroes! Three new areas have been added so learn more about the world of Gods and Heroes by taking a look."
• Pirates of the Burning Sea: Exclusive Screenshots
  "Of all the sets of beta screens we've hosted this year, this is the best I've seen. Flying Lab Software is at its best when showing off its ship models at sea, and "all hands on deck!" captures a view of the actual crew to a man on one on a quarter-rigged sloop... okay, so I don't know what the boat is called, but it sounded good. The crew and ship models aside, the lacquer sea, the sky textures... absolutely gorgeous.Going ashore, there's a very well done lighthouse and a couple shots from what looks to be a piratey stash. These one's are worth zooming in on. Take a look!"
• World of Warcraft: Pocket Guide - Zone Flags
  "As you explore the world of Azeroth, you may notice that each zone seems to be color-coded. What do the different colors mean? And why are you flagged for pvp in some areas, but not in others? If you have ever wondered that, then this pocket guide is for you!"

Hot Content

• Pirates of the Burning Sea: Exclusive Screenshots
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• 2Moons: Screenshots
• Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Interview With Nick Parkinson

Real World News - You Can't Make This Up

• Turkish Documentary Slanders Sweden
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  Headline should read: No Hope For Lost Semen
• Religious Video Game Glorifies Violence
  Art imitates life.
• Robot Wrestling
  All hail our RAW SmackDown robotic overlords!

Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel once defeated Sonic the Hedgehog in a 100 meter dash.

As always, thank you for visiting TenTonHammer.com.
- John "Boomjack" Hoskin