Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

Elections really bring out the worst in people, especially if they are candidates for the highest position in the land.The higher the position, the lower the depths people will sink to in order to win. Two reports released this week shed some dirty light on the candidates. Both candidates have some skeletons in the closet and as the campaigns get nastier, the skeletons have no place to hide.

Revealed in a report yesterday by Bystaders All Sitting Together Arrogandtly Ridiculing DemocratS (BASTARDS), videos of a much younger Barrack Obama playing Everquest show him pleading with guildmates to let him bring about some real change:

"We need a change here in guild management, these guys have been in control for far too long. There comes a time to move to new leadership and get rid of the old guard (and I do mean old, our guild leader is 28!). We need to share the wealth. Why should we all go out and quest when we could just have those in the higher levels, like say the top five percent, go out and gather gold for all of us?"

Not to be outdone, the group calling themselves Free Lemmings And Marmots In New Guinea Leaves IndelliBle Eco Repurcussions And Lag Spikes (FLAMING LIBERALS) has disclosed a scathing story about Senator McCain's campaign finance which is largely funded by gold selling operations in Asia.

Always skeptical of FL's reports, this ace reporter jumped on a plane and headed to China. I was greated in the airport by someone who mistook me for the entourage of Senator McCain. The gentleman asked me, "Do you want to see this week's gold reports? Warhammer has been especially active this week as people are trying to get a leg up in the new open RvR xp gains. Of course WoW' is picking up as the poor suckers leveling Inscription need flowers and you can always count on the faithful in EVE Online who would steal money out of their mother's wallets for a few extra isk." Appalled, I asked him "Are you sure about WAR, the other games I can understand, but who needs currency in WAR?" Redfaced, the man looked anxious and replied "You're right, our efforts in WAR are miserable since currency is easy to get and we are thwarted by the developers at every turn. If one more of my farmers gets the public message when they get banned, I will need to bring in a therapist." The results don't lie, McCain has not had great success in fundraising, so apparently gold farming doesn't pay.

While neither candidate would discuss the above reports on the record, both senators had a gleem in their eye as they said of the other "I will pwn that guy."