EverQuest II Interviews - Renewing the Shame

Everquest 2 Humor by: Coyotee Sharptongue

Coyotee Sharptongue, Kerran reporter for Ten Ton
Hammer news, sits with his hands folded in front of him, his large frame hidden
beneath a heavy wood news desk.

"Interviews. You speak with another
person, get their views, their ideas, a glimpse into their life, and you're
done. It sounds that simple and easy, doesn't it?" He laughs lightly as he
points to a large white screen illuminated by the number "3".

"Well, I
can tell you first hand that it seldom is." He chuckles lightly, shaking his
head. "For every interview or story that we bring you, there are dozen that end
up on the cutting room floor. That is..until now. So join us as we bring you yet
another installment of "Everquest Interviews - The Blooper Reel." " The cat man
grins as the camera pans to the screen which begins it's count
down.

<3>

<2>

<1>

"Here we are
deep with in the seedy underbelly of Freeport. Far beneath the fetid city,
nestled in the bowels of its rancid sewage system laborers toil endlessly for
the Local Union as they process the never ending stream of waste." A large Kerra
with a microphone says solemnly as he steps cautiously through the
sewers.

"But these laborers are more than just the backbone of the Local
Union, they are more than just the countless hours of work that the accumulated
far beneath our streets. The Union here in Freeport represents the working man.
Honest, loyal, and never toiling." The cat man explains as he moves towards a
grim face gnome who nods in agreement as a large and intimidating machine churns
loudly behind them.

"Standing with me today, is Union Local Foreman, and
Public Relation's Officer, Cal Apone." The reporter introduces. "Cal, what can
you tell us of how the Union is perceived?" He asks as he lowers the microphone
to the small man.

"Heya, thanks fer tha' kind words Chief." The gnome
growls gruffly as he looks into the camera. "Fer too many years yous guys have
been peggin' us as hoods, thugs an' heartless teamsters who do all tha dirty
work. But I'm here ta say, yous guyses is wrong. We're jus' tryin' ta help tha
city." Cal explains as the reporter smiles on.

"Well you have to admit
that the image is -" The cat man is cut off as the machine's metal top suddenly
surges upwards.

"HELP ME! FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS HELP ME!" A frantic
looking gnome screams as he tries to escape the machine. In an instant several
of the Union workers are on him, beating him mercilessly with heavy metal bars
until he falls out of view and back into the machine.

The reporter blinks
before turning to the Union leader. Unsure as to exactly what had occurred he
opens his mouth to speak but is cut off.

"Broken cog." He growls
defensively as the reporter looks to the machine then the small
man.

"But..it..he.." The Kerran stammers as several gnomes slowly
approach.

"Broken Cog I sez." Cal growls as he motions towards the
camera. "This interview is over. Youse ain't sees nothin'." He growls as the
camera shakes violently before cutting to
static.

<3>

<2>

<1>

"This is
Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer news reporting to you LIVE during our
"Safety" week." A large Kerra holding a microphone smiles into the camera as he
moves towards a towering bear.

"Deep within the forest, dangers can arise
without warning. Are you prepared? Are your loved ones? Our new Mascot, Three
Toes the Bear has a special warning for all of you kiddies out there. Right
Three Toes?" Coyotee grins happily as he nudges the giant beast who nods in
affirmation to the camera.

"Haha! That's right Coyotee!" The bear laughs as he stands fully for the
camera. "Starting a fire is hard work, and without the proper accelerant, even
the strongest spark will wither and die." Three Toes laughs as Coyotee's eyes
widen.

"That's why, no matter what kind of fire you're setting, be
it  house fire, barn fire, or just torching the neighbor's cat, you want to
be sure to -" Three Toes instructs with a smile as he's cut off by
Coyotee.

"Um..what are you doing?" Coyotee asks as Three Toes turns to
him in confusion.

"I'm Three Toes the Fire Bear." Three Toes informs him.
"What do you THINK I'm doing? I'm teaching them how to start fires." The bear
says rolling his eyes.

"Now kids, I find that matches are nice, but
nothing will consume your family in a blaze of agonizing screams like - " Three
Toes continues, only to be cut off again.

"The FIRE Bear PREVENTS Fires
and teaches FIRE SAFETY." The Kerran whispers harshly.

"What? You're
kidding me..right?" Three Toes says
incredulously.

"No..no..prevention..safety - didn't you read the job
description?" Coyotee asks in a shocked voice.

"Ahh..no...I...um.." The
bear looks around sheepishly as before staring at his feet.

"You burned
it. Didn't you?" Coyotee asks as the bear starts to giggle.

"You're
fired." The reporter says bluntly as the laughing bear shrugs off camera,
chuckling over the word "Fired".