Return to the Island of Doctor Patch Notes - Game Update 42

 

The Avatars of the Gods
have returned with renewed strength and new members: The Tribunal,
Karana and Bertoxxolous.

RadarX: Yes, these three gods drew the short
straw on the beer run. More deities means more deity quests and
more deity rewards.

Coyote: Ah yes, Bertoxxolous. From the old
Latin meaning, "Probably misspelled. And what's with all
of the X's?"

RadarX: That makes him an EXTREME deity...don't
you watch ESPN?

Coyote: HA! His deity pet is a skateboard
with Mountain Dew stickers on it. RAWK ON!

New mannequins are available
for displaying armor and weapons in your house. You can acquire
them from some of your more dedicated and advanced crafting friends

RadarX: What happens when you leave these
mannequins unattended in your apartment or home? A bad 80's movie or
TV show, that's what.

Coyote: Who said that they'd be unattended.
Awwww yeah. How YOU doing? What? Shh..shh..no no.. No need to speak,
or even have bendable elbows. Let Uncle Coyote take care of that...

RadarX: This is just creepy. I can already
see people buying up groups of these and designating them as "friends"

in their home. "And over here we have Phoebe...she's so whacky."

Coyote: This is Billy. He just watches you
sleep...

Summoners are now granted
an additional spell at level 2 so they can complete Arcane Storm properly.

RadarX: This will replace the current method
of screaming "RAIN!" at the sky. This is a pretty minor
bug but I'm glad they fixed it.

Coyote: WTF man? Now I have to grind all the
way to level 2 to see new content? Blatant favoritism.

RadarX: Summoners are such cry babies.
Wahhh we want to be able to "complete Heroic Opportunities."

Coyote: First they whine for spells and now
they want to USE them? Oh..yer going the right way for a hard nerf baby.

NPC's in raid zones that
you would normally see will no longer disappear when running on low
graphics settings.

RadarX: The NPC's will now appear stuck in
a wall instead and speak in a muffled voice.

Coyote: Best glitch ever. "What's eating
the Templar?!?!?" Hmmm...I don't see anything. Damn attention whore.

RadarX: Feh this means I'm going to have find
new excuses to not help the tank who pissed me off. What?! Where?!
Awww sorry man...you died.

Coyote: Um not to nit pick, but your invisible
friend is visibly killing me? Can you ask him to stop?

The Clockwork Menace Factory
will once again allow you to enter as long as one group member has the
power cell key.

RadarX: And you know it's always going to
be the guy you don't want going.

Coyote: By the POWER of CELL KEY, I. HAVE.
THE POWER!

RadarX: Damn it Coyote, just open the frigging
door. And lose the short shorts and weird suspenders.

Coyote:....sorry.

AFK flags will no longer
be removed when zoning.

RadarX: Your tank however will still die when
your healer is flagged or not.

Coyote: But all of your clothes will. That's
right. Naked raid. Booyah.

RadarX: You know, this is why they don't ever
ask you to lead raids right? It'd just be a Benny Hill video of you
guys chasing a dragon.

Coyote: More boobs! MORE BOOBS! 50 DKP MINUS!
If you are not showing boobs right now YOU ARE WRONG!

You can now search for items
on the broker by effect name. For example, open the advanced search
page and enter "Aura of Agility" in the item effect field
to find all items with this effect.

RadarX: This is an interesting implementation,
I just have to wonder how often people are going to know the name of
the exact effect they want. I'm also expecting some "Longevity"
jokes incoming...

Coyote: I'm sorry but your search for "You
know, that fire spell..thingie" has yielded 0 results.

RadarX: Aura of Stabbing Stuff and Ubernessity
are also not found. Maybe it has a list you can scroll through...

Coyote: Although I'd like to see truthful
effects on clothing items like; "Effect: Pimp hat".

Frostfell themed food house
items now remain edible all year round.

RadarX: Ahh the magic of preservatives...
This Frostfell Twinkee is delicious!

Coyote: Mmmm...six month old Turkey...hhhaaagghhhh....

RadarX: I'm kind of curious what was happening
to the food. Was it just disappearing at midnight?

Coyote: Hey, the creepy mannequins who watch
you sleep have to eat too. Do YOU want them hungry?

Rare leather pelts found
in treasure chests should stack with harvested rare leather pelts from
now on. They still may not stack with older pelts, however. (Local tradeskill
society advisors suggest pack rats may therefore wish to use the older
ones up first.)

Coyote: You can stack them in a box, but only
if they are from a Fox....

RadarX: Hey! I am NOT a pack rat because
half my vault space contains a few boxes of stuff from the first three
weeks of launch!

Coyote: You can stack them with a rat, as
long as you lay them flat!

RadarX: Keep it up you putz, and I'm gunna
kick you in the...

Coyote: Okay! Okay..yeessh.

Clockwork Earring has been
renamed to Clockwork Ring to reflect its equip slot

RadarX: I don't know what Clockwork this drops
off but it has to be hideous looking. Either that or you people are
butchers.

Coyote: No more going to the mall to have
your fingers pierced at Hot Topic so you can wear it...

RadarX: If you are currently still trying
to use clockwork heads as helmets, please seek help immediately.

Coyote: The head of Vecna! Just cut off your
OWN head and...

Bracelet of Thuuga now
increases Spell Damage instead of Healing

RadarX: Looking at the stats on this it makes
sense. This was supposed to be a mage reward. I do need to point
out that "thuuga" is a comic book gun machine gun sound though.

Coyote: Thuuga could also be "sugar"

if you have a lisp. Pleath path the thuuga...

RadarX: You leave Daffy Duck alone!
You get shot in the face a few hundred times it's bound to affect how
you say "sugar."

Coyote: Could also be EQ2 Gangsta Rap. Yo
Yo Yo Thugga foshizzle..izzle..diz......I….I don’t know rap.

Red-saddled Midnight Mistrunner
Horse Whistle should now be usable by Good-aligned players.

RadarX: For those of you COMPLETELY unsatisfied
with your blue saddle...

Coyote: Holy mouthful Batman. I want an official
Red-Saddled Midnight Mistrunner Horse Whistle with compass in stock
and this thing that tells time!

RadarX: You'll gallop your eye out?
No? Sorry...

Coyote: Coyote lay there like a slug, it was
his only defense.

Heartfinder should no longer
give error messages about lacking the required skill to use.

RadarX: Instead it'll just continually suggest
maybe you don't have the skill to play EverQuest 2.

Coyote: Weird, it just reads "In your
frigging chest, dummy."

RadarX: For those of you who are still getting
"Sorry Tin man" reading on this, stop sending in petitions.

Coyote: What a crushing message. "You
don't have the skill required to find a heart...you cold and callous
bastard. This is why no one could ever love you."

The elevator in Gorowyn
will now stop in line with the platforms.

RadarX: Taking the challenge out of what is
supposed to be a completely safe area? What next?

Coyote: But don't worry, the lag in the zone
will still make you miss them and plummet screaming to your death.

RadarX: So they just basically need to turn
it into a PvP zone is what you are saying...

Coyote: No. I'm saying that the zone is so
laggy, matching up doesn't matter. You'll match up, step lovingly on
the platform that left a minute ago and plummet to your confused and
squishy death.

RadarX: Wow, bitter much?

Coyote:...yes.

There should now be fewer
unreachable mining nodes in the Sinking Sands. Should you encounter
any after this update, please submit a /bug with the location.

RadarX: Which is going to ruin the game where
you watch people try desperately to get a bugged node.

Coyote: Wouldn't it be great if the nodes
ran from you like the shinnies in Unrest?

RadarX: Yes...because most of the crafters
in EQ2 are the kind of people who enjoy chasing shiny's through dangerous
environments.

Coyote: HA! Trapped! You came to rest at the
foot of this really angry dragon and.....crap.

Repeatable quests in Kunzar
Jungle now give more faction.

RadarX: The quests also reward a higher level
of Malaria.

Coyote: Who cares about the Jungle? I want
the friggin' badger faction in Fens fixed. 30k before you'll sell to
me you little bastage? YOUR FATHER GAVE ME THE QUEST! GIVE ME THE GOD
DAMN CUP!

RadarX: What? They view you warmly...just
not give you the cup warmly.

Coyote: I almost went insane trying to do
this quest. It was LITERALLY the last quest I had for Fens in my journal.
Then I gave up and said screw it. He can keep his two gold, one cup.

Amazing reflexes can no
longer have its trigger percentage modified unless specified explicitly.

RadarX: Nerf! Nerf I say! Wait...so
all I have to do is say I want it modified specifically? What
was modifying Amazing Reflexes anyway?

Coyote: Ha. I predict A LOT of "explicit
specifications" when the Brigands read this.

RadarX: A last minute change has been added.
Amazing Reflexes will now be named Decent Reflexes.

Coyote: Nono. More explicit. Amazing Reflexes
will now be named "F***ING AMAZING REFLEXES! HOLY S***!!".

Siphoning of Souls should
now return the appropriate level spell for Soothing Soul.

RadarX:: This spell fix still does not REALLY
make Necromancers evil...sorry.

Coyote: And that appropriate level is three.
No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt return, and the
number of the returned level shall be three. Four shalt thou not return,
nor either levels of two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.
Five is right out.

RadarX: What is wrong with you?

Coyote:....lead..paintchips.

Hook Arrow should no longer
move stationary objects.

RadarX: This begs the question why it's called
a hook arrow if it can't hook anything...

Coyote: Hook Arrow! Green Arrow's Cousin from
Vegas. She still dresses in green and fights crime - she just costs
more and won't kiss you on the lips.

RadarX: You learned a lot in Vegas didn't
you....

Coyote: Yes. Money can't buy love. It can
only rent it by the hour.

Dark Broodlings should now
cast at the level of the caster.

RadarX: Good because hearing voices under
the Warlocks robe was always creepy...

Coyote: Which will mean MORE DPS for the Warlocks,
which is good - because they were a little under powered and...hey.....wait.

RadarX: I'm curious knowing almost nothing
about Warlocks and in danger of showing my ignorance if that gave them
a DPS boost.

Coyote: Higher level broodlings would theoretically
do more damage right? Go back to Tabula Rasa traitor.

The first stage of the quest
"The Teachings of Yoru" now updates correctly on the number
of wood pieces collected.

RadarX: Why are you collecting wood in the
first place?

Coyote: Wow, look at you questioning the master.
That's a one way ticket to "Eye-plucked-out-ville" population
YOU. Haven't you ever seen Kill Bill?

RadarX: They need to add a "Splinter"
damage over time for wood harvesting.

Coyote: And rares could give you MASTER Splinter
damage...and Donatello....Rapheal...rocks...nothing. I got nothing.

Tradeskill societies in
the five starting cities of Norrath now offer a new recipe book to those
they regard warmly.

RadarX: The Crisco Cookbook has brought many
to their demise...

Coyote: If they regard you coldly you get
a container of Ramen noodles.

RadarX: They make you pick from a bookshelf.
If you get the wrong one you dissolve into dust.

Coyote: Which gets swept into the Ark of the
Covenant.

Provisioners noticed they
had two separate recipes for prickly pear muffins, and have reformulated
the level 55 recipe to create prickly pear crumpets instead. Mmm,
crumpets.

RadarX: Aren't Prickly Pear Muffins what the
old lady who hates kids handed out on Halloween?

Coyote: A Prickly Pear Crumpet just sounds
dirty. Like something you should pay the Hook Arrow up there 2 gold
for in an alley.

RadarX: Again with your Vegas experiences...
Tell us about getting the "Batman Special" again?

Coyote: Do you really want me coming up with
a sexual description for "Batman", a guy who wore tights and
hung out with young boys?

RadarX:.......no.

Coyote: Yeah. That's what I thought.

"Hair of the Dog"
is now a level 25 provisioner recipe, instead of level 35.

RadarX: Who is going to eat THAT? And
how hard is that recipe? Step 1: Comb Dog Step 2: Serve
and enjoy?

Coyote: Depends...how is it cooked? Can I
get a 3 piece meal? Extra crispy? Mmmm...dog.

RadarX: Dude...you'd eat dog?

Coyote: Well...not if I KNEW him. Unless he
was deep fried. Then all bets are off.

Carpenters will find two
new recipes, one in each of carpenter essentials volume 60 and 62, which
should be pleasing for home decorators.

RadarX: Both recipes require Vhalen's Tool.

Coyote: To examine it approach slowly with
a bottle of wine and some promises you don't intend to keep...

RadarX: And make sure not to call it the next
day once you've got your product.

Coyote: Two new recipes. An instant of scribing,
a lifetime of regret and tears.

We've added a connection
statistics window which will show your ping, bytes per second, frames
per second and packet loss. The default key to toggle this window
is F11.

RadarX: This should give people a new tool
to complain about things with.

Coyote: I used to complain with Vhalen's Tool,
but we started seeing other people...

RadarX: I'm most impressed when the ping meter
reads "Ahahaha you think you are still connected don't you?"

Coyote: See, If *I* were a Dev? *I* would
have a random message periodically pop up in the parse that read "Scanning
of hard drive for porn complete". Just to mess with the parsers.

The End

RadarX: That's it? Wow..that was abrupt.

Coyote: S'okay, I'm out of popcorn anyway.

RadarX: That's not popcorn, it's vodka.

Coyote: Oh.

Coyote: S'okay, I'm out of vodka anyway.

RadarX:....you have issues. See you next time
folks!

~End~