Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

 

Return to the Island of Doctor Patch Notes - Game Update 42

 

The Avatars of the Gods have returned with renewed strength and new members: The Tribunal, Karana and Bertoxxolous.

RadarX: Yes, these three gods drew the short straw on the beer run. More deities means more deity quests and more deity rewards.

Coyote: Ah yes, Bertoxxolous. From the old Latin meaning, "Probably misspelled. And what's with all of the X's?"

RadarX: That makes him an EXTREME deity...don't you watch ESPN?

Coyote: HA! His deity pet is a skateboard with Mountain Dew stickers on it. RAWK ON!

New mannequins are available for displaying armor and weapons in your house. You can acquire them from some of your more dedicated and advanced crafting friends

RadarX: What happens when you leave these mannequins unattended in your apartment or home? A bad 80's movie or TV show, that's what.

Coyote: Who said that they'd be unattended. Awwww yeah. How YOU doing? What? Shh..shh..no no.. No need to speak, or even have bendable elbows. Let Uncle Coyote take care of that...

RadarX: This is just creepy. I can already see people buying up groups of these and designating them as "friends" in their home. "And over here we have Phoebe...she's so whacky."

Coyote: This is Billy. He just watches you sleep...

Summoners are now granted an additional spell at level 2 so they can complete Arcane Storm properly.

RadarX: This will replace the current method of screaming "RAIN!" at the sky. This is a pretty minor bug but I'm glad they fixed it.

Coyote: WTF man? Now I have to grind all the way to level 2 to see new content? Blatant favoritism.

RadarX: Summoners are such cry babies. Wahhh we want to be able to "complete Heroic Opportunities."

Coyote: First they whine for spells and now they want to USE them? Oh..yer going the right way for a hard nerf baby.

NPC's in raid zones that you would normally see will no longer disappear when running on low graphics settings.

RadarX: The NPC's will now appear stuck in a wall instead and speak in a muffled voice.

Coyote: Best glitch ever. "What's eating the Templar?!?!?" Hmmm...I don't see anything. Damn attention whore.

RadarX: Feh this means I'm going to have find new excuses to not help the tank who pissed me off. What?! Where?! Awww sorry man...you died.

Coyote: Um not to nit pick, but your invisible friend is visibly killing me? Can you ask him to stop?

The Clockwork Menace Factory will once again allow you to enter as long as one group member has the power cell key.

RadarX: And you know it's always going to be the guy you don't want going.

Coyote: By the POWER of CELL KEY, I. HAVE. THE POWER!

RadarX: Damn it Coyote, just open the frigging door. And lose the short shorts and weird suspenders.

Coyote:....sorry.

AFK flags will no longer be removed when zoning.

RadarX: Your tank however will still die when your healer is flagged or not.

Coyote: But all of your clothes will. That's right. Naked raid. Booyah.

RadarX: You know, this is why they don't ever ask you to lead raids right? It'd just be a Benny Hill video of you guys chasing a dragon.

Coyote: More boobs! MORE BOOBS! 50 DKP MINUS! If you are not showing boobs right now YOU ARE WRONG!

You can now search for items on the broker by effect name. For example, open the advanced search page and enter "Aura of Agility" in the item effect field to find all items with this effect.

RadarX: This is an interesting implementation, I just have to wonder how often people are going to know the name of the exact effect they want. I'm also expecting some "Longevity" jokes incoming...

Coyote: I'm sorry but your search for "You know, that fire spell..thingie" has yielded 0 results.

RadarX: Aura of Stabbing Stuff and Ubernessity are also not found. Maybe it has a list you can scroll through...

Coyote: Although I'd like to see truthful effects on clothing items like; "Effect: Pimp hat".

Frostfell themed food house items now remain edible all year round.

RadarX: Ahh the magic of preservatives... This Frostfell Twinkee is delicious!

Coyote: Mmmm...six month old Turkey...hhhaaagghhhh....

RadarX: I'm kind of curious what was happening to the food. Was it just disappearing at midnight?

Coyote: Hey, the creepy mannequins who watch you sleep have to eat too. Do YOU want them hungry?

Rare leather pelts found in treasure chests should stack with harvested rare leather pelts from now on. They still may not stack with older pelts, however. (Local tradeskill society advisors suggest pack rats may therefore wish to use the older ones up first.)

Coyote: You can stack them in a box, but only if they are from a Fox....

RadarX: Hey! I am NOT a pack rat because half my vault space contains a few boxes of stuff from the first three weeks of launch!

Coyote: You can stack them with a rat, as long as you lay them flat!

RadarX: Keep it up you putz, and I'm gunna kick you in the...

Coyote: Okay! Okay..yeessh.

Clockwork Earring has been renamed to Clockwork Ring to reflect its equip slot

RadarX: I don't know what Clockwork this drops off but it has to be hideous looking. Either that or you people are butchers.

Coyote: No more going to the mall to have your fingers pierced at Hot Topic so you can wear it...

RadarX: If you are currently still trying to use clockwork heads as helmets, please seek help immediately.

Coyote: The head of Vecna! Just cut off your OWN head and...

Bracelet of Thuuga now increases Spell Damage instead of Healing

RadarX: Looking at the stats on this it makes sense. This was supposed to be a mage reward. I do need to point out that "thuuga" is a comic book gun machine gun sound though.

Coyote: Thuuga could also be "sugar" if you have a lisp. Pleath path the thuuga...

RadarX: You leave Daffy Duck alone! You get shot in the face a few hundred times it's bound to affect how you say "sugar."

Coyote: Could also be EQ2 Gangsta Rap. Yo Yo Yo Thugga foshizzle..izzle..diz......I….I don’t know rap.

Red-saddled Midnight Mistrunner Horse Whistle should now be usable by Good-aligned players.

RadarX: For those of you COMPLETELY unsatisfied with your blue saddle...

Coyote: Holy mouthful Batman. I want an official Red-Saddled Midnight Mistrunner Horse Whistle with compass in stock and this thing that tells time!

RadarX: You'll gallop your eye out? No? Sorry...

Coyote: Coyote lay there like a slug, it was his only defense.

Heartfinder should no longer give error messages about lacking the required skill to use.

RadarX: Instead it'll just continually suggest maybe you don't have the skill to play EverQuest 2.

Coyote: Weird, it just reads "In your frigging chest, dummy."

RadarX: For those of you who are still getting "Sorry Tin man" reading on this, stop sending in petitions.

Coyote: What a crushing message. "You don't have the skill required to find a heart...you cold and callous bastard. This is why no one could ever love you."

The elevator in Gorowyn will now stop in line with the platforms.

RadarX: Taking the challenge out of what is supposed to be a completely safe area? What next?

Coyote: But don't worry, the lag in the zone will still make you miss them and plummet screaming to your death.

RadarX: So they just basically need to turn it into a PvP zone is what you are saying...

Coyote: No. I'm saying that the zone is so laggy, matching up doesn't matter. You'll match up, step lovingly on the platform that left a minute ago and plummet to your confused and squishy death.

RadarX: Wow, bitter much?

Coyote:...yes.

There should now be fewer unreachable mining nodes in the Sinking Sands. Should you encounter any after this update, please submit a /bug with the location.

RadarX: Which is going to ruin the game where you watch people try desperately to get a bugged node.

Coyote: Wouldn't it be great if the nodes ran from you like the shinnies in Unrest?

RadarX: Yes...because most of the crafters in EQ2 are the kind of people who enjoy chasing shiny's through dangerous environments.

Coyote: HA! Trapped! You came to rest at the foot of this really angry dragon and.....crap.

Repeatable quests in Kunzar Jungle now give more faction.

RadarX: The quests also reward a higher level of Malaria.

Coyote: Who cares about the Jungle? I want the friggin' badger faction in Fens fixed. 30k before you'll sell to me you little bastage? YOUR FATHER GAVE ME THE QUEST! GIVE ME THE GOD DAMN CUP!

RadarX: What? They view you warmly...just not give you the cup warmly.

Coyote: I almost went insane trying to do this quest. It was LITERALLY the last quest I had for Fens in my journal. Then I gave up and said screw it. He can keep his two gold, one cup.

Amazing reflexes can no longer have its trigger percentage modified unless specified explicitly.

RadarX: Nerf! Nerf I say! Wait...so all I have to do is say I want it modified specifically? What was modifying Amazing Reflexes anyway?

Coyote: Ha. I predict A LOT of "explicit specifications" when the Brigands read this.

RadarX: A last minute change has been added. Amazing Reflexes will now be named Decent Reflexes.

Coyote: Nono. More explicit. Amazing Reflexes will now be named "F***ING AMAZING REFLEXES! HOLY S***!!".

Siphoning of Souls should now return the appropriate level spell for Soothing Soul.

RadarX:: This spell fix still does not REALLY make Necromancers evil...sorry.

Coyote: And that appropriate level is three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt return, and the number of the returned level shall be three. Four shalt thou not return, nor either levels of two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.

RadarX: What is wrong with you?

Coyote:....lead..paintchips.

Hook Arrow should no longer move stationary objects.

RadarX: This begs the question why it's called a hook arrow if it can't hook anything...

Coyote: Hook Arrow! Green Arrow's Cousin from Vegas. She still dresses in green and fights crime - she just costs more and won't kiss you on the lips.

RadarX: You learned a lot in Vegas didn't you....

Coyote: Yes. Money can't buy love. It can only rent it by the hour.

Dark Broodlings should now cast at the level of the caster.

RadarX: Good because hearing voices under the Warlocks robe was always creepy...

Coyote: Which will mean MORE DPS for the Warlocks, which is good - because they were a little under powered and...hey.....wait.

RadarX: I'm curious knowing almost nothing about Warlocks and in danger of showing my ignorance if that gave them a DPS boost.

Coyote: Higher level broodlings would theoretically do more damage right? Go back to Tabula Rasa traitor.

The first stage of the quest "The Teachings of Yoru" now updates correctly on the number of wood pieces collected.

RadarX: Why are you collecting wood in the first place?

Coyote: Wow, look at you questioning the master. That's a one way ticket to "Eye-plucked-out-ville" population YOU. Haven't you ever seen Kill Bill?

RadarX: They need to add a "Splinter" damage over time for wood harvesting.

Coyote: And rares could give you MASTER Splinter damage...and Donatello....Rapheal...rocks...nothing. I got nothing.

Tradeskill societies in the five starting cities of Norrath now offer a new recipe book to those they regard warmly.

RadarX: The Crisco Cookbook has brought many to their demise...

Coyote: If they regard you coldly you get a container of Ramen noodles.

RadarX: They make you pick from a bookshelf. If you get the wrong one you dissolve into dust.

Coyote: Which gets swept into the Ark of the Covenant.

Provisioners noticed they had two separate recipes for prickly pear muffins, and have reformulated the level 55 recipe to create prickly pear crumpets instead. Mmm, crumpets.

RadarX: Aren't Prickly Pear Muffins what the old lady who hates kids handed out on Halloween?

Coyote: A Prickly Pear Crumpet just sounds dirty. Like something you should pay the Hook Arrow up there 2 gold for in an alley.

RadarX: Again with your Vegas experiences... Tell us about getting the "Batman Special" again?

Coyote: Do you really want me coming up with a sexual description for "Batman", a guy who wore tights and hung out with young boys?

RadarX:.......no.

Coyote: Yeah. That's what I thought.

"Hair of the Dog" is now a level 25 provisioner recipe, instead of level 35.

RadarX: Who is going to eat THAT? And how hard is that recipe? Step 1: Comb Dog Step 2: Serve and enjoy?

Coyote: Depends...how is it cooked? Can I get a 3 piece meal? Extra crispy? Mmmm...dog.

RadarX: Dude...you'd eat dog?

Coyote: Well...not if I KNEW him. Unless he was deep fried. Then all bets are off.

Carpenters will find two new recipes, one in each of carpenter essentials volume 60 and 62, which should be pleasing for home decorators.

RadarX: Both recipes require Vhalen's Tool.

Coyote: To examine it approach slowly with a bottle of wine and some promises you don't intend to keep...

RadarX: And make sure not to call it the next day once you've got your product.

Coyote: Two new recipes. An instant of scribing, a lifetime of regret and tears.

We've added a connection statistics window which will show your ping, bytes per second, frames per second and packet loss. The default key to toggle this window is F11.

RadarX: This should give people a new tool to complain about things with.

Coyote: I used to complain with Vhalen's Tool, but we started seeing other people...

RadarX: I'm most impressed when the ping meter reads "Ahahaha you think you are still connected don't you?"

Coyote: See, If *I* were a Dev? *I* would have a random message periodically pop up in the parse that read "Scanning of hard drive for porn complete". Just to mess with the parsers.

The End

RadarX: That's it? Wow..that was abrupt.

Coyote: S'okay, I'm out of popcorn anyway.

RadarX: That's not popcorn, it's vodka.

Coyote: Oh.

Coyote: S'okay, I'm out of vodka anyway.

RadarX:....you have issues. See you next time folks!

~End~