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WoW Relationship Advice with Witch Doctor Zuv’jin

Posted Tue, Jun 15, 2010 by Mem

Asking those hard to describe questions about your relationship is difficult, especially when the people you trust most may be biased in one way or another. Add World of Warcraft to the mix and things get downright confusing. Thankfully Witch Doctor Zuv’jin is ready and willing to answer any and all questions directly relating to your WoW relationship.

Don’t let the title of Witch Doctor put you off, Zuv’jin is a bona fide love guru, who studied at the exclusive Shrunken Head Academy located in scenic Durotar. After many years of study Zuv’jin has finally branched out on his own, offering up advice for those hard to answer relationship questions and a wide array of

The guru of love: Witch Doctor Zuv'jin.
potions for any occasion. Now without further adieu let’s see some of those burning relationship questions and what the Doctor himself has to say.

Our first question comes from Kib who hails from the outer reaches of Northrend. He writes:

Dear Witch Doctor Zuv’jin,
I recently began a relationship with an attractive Undead Rogue I met while prowling around the Barrens. She likes long walks along the beaches of Northrend, sipping Thistle Tea in the inn in Orgrimmar, and frolicking from puddle to puddle in Zangarmarsh. I think she may be the perfect girl for me, except she refuses to send me any pictures, and when I finally managed to get her on vent her voice had a deep ringing quality to it. She of course quickly explained she had been feeling sick, hence the deep voice, however I am worried as of lately she has started demanding I present her with gifts daily, including thousands of gold, rare items, and even epic mounts purchased on EBay. Tell me Doctor, is this relationship worth it?

Kip mon,
I have some bad news for you brudder, that lady friend of yours be a dude. Everybody know that there be no girls on da internets. This dude probably be at least 40 years old, with back hair you could get lost in and you be buying gifts for him! While it may seem natural for a Rogue to try to rob you blind Zuv’jin be sayin’ get out while you can mon. If you doubt Zuv’jin he recommend the Syndicate who recently be offering the detective services. They be showin’ you the truth.

Our next question comes from Tholan, who sets his hearthstone deep in the jungles of Stranglethorn Vale, he writes:

Zuv’jin,
I am happily married to the woman of my dreams, or so I thought. Recently she has started taking offense to me devoting so much time to World of Warcraft. She has even gone so far as to threaten to pack her things and leave if I do not give up the game. I don’t want to give up the game, but I don’t want to see my wife leave either, what should I do?

Tholan,
Zuv’jin be very unhappy with you not showin’ the proper respect and using his title of Witch Doctor. He be havin’ half a mind not to be answering your question, you be lucky Zuv’jin be feeling generous today.

Your question be a tough one, but Zuv’jin has the answer don’t you worry. Zuv’jin be saying World of Warcraft is forever, wives come and go. You don’t be needin’ her nagging you all the time while you trying to play. You be much happier when you can play as you please. Not to mention all the extra closet space you be freeing up. If you be getting lonely simply create yourself a fiesty little Night Elf to dance with you, computer graphics never be telling you not to play.

Our final question of the day comes from Fayne who makes his home in good old Durotar, he writes:

Never have another broken heart again!

Witch Doctor Zuv’jin,
I love my girlfriend, but she can’t seem to understand that playing World of Warcraft is hard work. She refuses to hold my potty pot for me, and to add insult to injury she will not deliver the sustenance I need by bringing me Hot Pockets and Kool-Aid every hour on the hour. My friends seem to be in agreement that I am asking too much, but I feel it’s her responsibility since she is the one who insisted we move out of my Mom’s basement. I don’t want to lose her Doctor Zuv’jin, but how can I make her see things my way?

Fayen,
Zuv’jin be thinking that you should have picked yourself up a nice Troll girl, they knows how to treat a man right. Since you don’t have a Troll girl, Zuv’jin be saying you need to put your foot down. She be your woman and your woman should take care of you, especially since she take you away from your loving Mama.

If that not be workin you come back and see Zuv’jin and he be brewing you up a potion that will make your woman your unquestioning servent. It not be tested on human females yet, but Zuv’jin be thinking that it will work just fine, or it might turn her into a frog. Either way it be a win win situation, you either be getting the girlfriend of your dreams, or some tasty frog legs. In which case Zuv’jin would have to ask for a small fee of half of the frog in question. Zuv’jin be lovin him some frog.

That’s all the time we have for today, we hope you enjoyed this episode of Relationship Advice with Witch Doctor Zuv’jin. Feel free to send in your tough relationship questions by using any of the mail boxes located in the all of your faction’s major cities.

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