At the Bacchanal!

By Charabis

Disclaimer : This article is a work of fiction, but does contain some information we do know about the gods of the world. The attitudes and behavior of the gods in this article do not necessarily reflect those of the gods themselves or the devs of Gods and Heroes. This is only fiction since we all need something to do while waiting on the game ;)

The images on the screen are bright, the scene illuminated by a multitude of torches lining the columns. These torches reveal a scene of complete destruction. Tables and chairs are smashed, along with unidentified bits of what my once have been sculpture or pottery. Loud crashes are heard, as well as howls of laughter and delight.

Sitting on one of the few remaining chairs is Robin Lech, looking none the worse from his interview with Trevia. Today, he's opted for a blue suit and matching tie. For a few seconds, "Lifestyles of the Insanely Powerful" displays across the image. As the lettering fades away, Robin speaks with that familiar British accent and his inexhaustible energy.

"Welcome to Lifestyles of the Insanely Powerful! I'm your host, Robin Lech! Today, we have a real treat for you! We're meeting with none other than the god of all parties, Bacchus!"

The shot widens to reveal a portly god seated near Robin. He wears a white toga, trimmed with gold. While he sits upright and shows no signs of slurred speech, his features speak to him being completely wasted.

"Thank you for inviting us, Bacchus!"

"Hoho! The more the merrier, I always say."

"My second wife always said the same thing! That was before she ran off with the local cricket team!"

"The whole team? Sounds like she loves to party!"

"I should think so! Especially when you consider it was a mixed team!"

"Hoho! Sounds like she goes both ways."

"Indeed! However, we are here to talk about you and this wild party you seem to be having tonight!"

"You think this is wild? Haven't hit the peak yet. I always say it's not a true Bacchanal as long as anything's left standing!"

"That would certainly explain the devastation! But what about you? No doubt you have mortal women throwing themselves at you all the time! As the god of fertility, among other duties, doesn't that combination put you at high-risk for paying out all your tribute in child support?"

"Normally, yes. I'm smart enough to use protection, so it's not an issue."

"Really? So what does a discerning god use for protection from such things?"

"At this point in history, Trojans, what else? Hahahahaha!"

Robin merely shakes his head and chuckles. After taking a moment to regain his composure, he presses on with the interview.

"What about powers for your followers?"

"There's all sorts of fun there! When they first begin serving me, I grant them the ability to summon wine!"

"Sounds tasty!"

"Indeed it is, but the high-end is even more fun. I grant you the ability to become instantly drunk!"

"Well, that would certainly allow a person to blow off steam after a long, hard quest!"

"There's more too it than that. For starters, you'll regain your health faster, not to mention that your spells will hit harder."

"So being drunk in battle is a huge advantage? How utterly wonderful!"

"You'd be amazed what you can do when your inhibitions are themselves inhibited."

"Indeed! It seems the building is starting to shake, so we'd best be wrapping up this interview!"

"Sure, but you can't leave without a smile on your face. It's my only rule."

Two beautiful ladies wearing skimpy, Persian-style garb and veils have snuck up on Robin as Bacchus was speaking. Each one grabs an arm as they pull him backwards, the chair falling to the ground along with him. As they start to drag him away, he speaks desperately to Bacchus.

"Say, you don't happen to have any of those Trojans here, do you?"

"You have to go to Troy for those!"

"Help!"

Well, there he goes again! At least he should be safer this time, no? Although there did seem to be something familiar about those ladies. Ah well. It's probably nothing. Tune in next week when we interview a mystery deity! That's right! I'm not telling who it will be :P

In the meantime, pop on over to the Ten Ton Hammer forums and chat with us about this series! After all, we can't read your mind to know if you enjoyed it or not ;)