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I received a disappointingly low number of questions for our developer friends yesterday. I received hundreds of times more e-mail when I discussed chocolate Bibles for Easter last year. This is your chance to ask the devs the questions you so desperately need answered. This is your chance to be heard directly by the developers. Make the most of it. You can mail me at this address.

As I looked at my phone bill yesterday I noticed that Bell Canada charges me $2.80 for "Touch Tone" service. Shouldn't this be something that is part of the core phone experience? Who uses a rotary phone in this day and age? What's next, a charge for a dial-tone?

This assault on my financial well-being made me wonder that MMOGs would be like if we added in all the "real world" nuisances that we deal with. Can you imagine the riots if MMOGs had the following?

Top 10 Things MMOGs Shouldn't Take From Real Life

10) Bank Charges - Imagine if every time you interacted with the bank that the game charged you a fee. It wouldn't matter if you were putting in money, taking out money, checking your deposit slots or doing nothing at all (that's what monthly fees are for). There would be a charge. Nobody would complain about that right? Players would be screaming like schoolgirls with bats in their hair.

9) Phone Bills - So you want to send a tell to a friend do you? There's a monthly fee for that and if they are on the other side of the world you had better be prepared for long distance charges. I can't imagine a single player that would spew vitriol into a message forum about a change like this. Go ahead devs; we're all behind you.

8) Requirement to Urinate and Defecate - Many MMOGs require us to eat and drink. Why not require us to grab the local paper and sit on the toilet to relieve ourselves of said nourishment? When was the last time you even saw a toilet in a MMOG? There are sewers, but no toilets. Let's go devs...we need to pinch a loaf.

7) Romance - The cute character on the other end of your virtual groping hands is a man and so likely are you. Stop before I have to go into more detail.

6) The Postal System - If only developers would charge us to slowly move items across the world before losing them enroute to their destination. Now that would be big-time fun!

5) Celebrities - We don't need Rosie O'Donnell. We have Tauren.

4) Handicapped Parking - No sir, you can't park that fancy epic mount of yours up next to the auction house. Those spaces are reserved for the Gnomes and hosts of The View. Their puny little legs can't carry them as fast yours can. Now move along and park in Goldshire.

3) Politics - Please for the love of all that is holy force me to vote for some anonymous person who can then make the rules for me. I beg. I plead and so do the hundreds of thousands of people who read this blog every month. Oh, wait a second, we already have guild leaders. Nevermind.

2) Television - In MMOGs nobody loves Raymond.

1) Closed Doors - Let me walk right in. The doors to stores, my bedroom and just about every room that I might have the misfortune of entering in real life have doors that are open. Why oh why are you making me click every time I want to move from one space enclosed by four-walls to another. Enough with the doors already!

What things make you scream?

[Vote, rank, share, comment!]

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Exclusive TenTonHammer.com Content!

03.28.2007

EverQuest 2: Butcherblock Mountains Guide Part 2
"The Butcherblock Mountains zone is a great level 20-30 area offering tons of quests and things to see. Ten Ton Hammer has added a plethora of new quests ripe for the solo and group adventurer." Fury: Interview With C.E.O., Tony Hilliam
"Following GDC a few weeks ago, I had numerous questions for the Auran team about their PvP-oriented MMO, Fury. This is the final portion of an interview the Ten Ton Hammer team had with Tony Hilliam, CEO of Auran, who was courteous enough to commence in a dialogue about the game. In the following article, you'll find answers to what sort of gamer Fury will attract, how Fury will retain a player base, how the speed of the game was determined, and more!" Gods and Heroes: Developer Diary - Introducing The Nomad
"Ten Ton Hammer is proud to present our exclusive Gods and Heroes Developer Diary featuring the Nomad class! Travis George, a system designer for Perpetual, was kind enough to supply us with his thoughts on the Nomad and how the class was built – from his initial thoughts to the current rendition. It's a great read, so hurry and have a look!" Guild Wars 2: ArenaNet Announcement
"It looks like the folks at ArenaNet are finally ready to make an MMO. While they claimed that the original Guild Wars was not an MMO, the sequel - from statements made in the official release - is going to be one. The team at Ten Ton Hammer has published the official release describing the sequel to Guild Wars and the first true expansion to Guild Wars along with a selection of concept art that was provided to the press. Read through the announcement and make sure you check out the pictures - the Norn look badass!" Lineage II: New Weapon Images
"Continuing the flurry of information regarding the new chapter in the Lineage II storyline, the folks at NCsoft have released a few new screenshots of the new weapons available. Also included in the article are descriptions of the weapons to correspond with the pictures. Check them out now!" Lord of the Rings Online: Beta Recap
"The closed beta for Lord of the Rings Online finished up last night, and the whole experience ended with a bang. Turbine unleashed a horde of unforgettable monsters upon Middle Earth, but also deemed many members of the LotRO community worthy of an advance to level 50, albeit for just a short amount of time. Cody "Micajah" Bye was in the middle of the action last night and has brought a recap of the events straight from the heart of Middle Earth!" Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Tuurgin Patron Quest Guide
"Ralsu knew form the moment he created his Shaman that he'd pick Tuurgin as his patron spirit. Now Ralsu shares the Tuurgin patron quest with you." Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Dread Knight Guide
"We're revamping our class guides, giving them a new look and making sure you have the most current information. The latest of our revamped guides features the dark warrior, the Dread Knight. Check out what this fearsome class has to offer!" World of Warcraft: An Endgame Tanking Reference
"Ever wanted the insights into the "professional" raid tanks? Wanted some pro tips to help you tank the harder bosses so your guild can advance further? Well, want no more! Cinderhelm has allowed us to post his fantastic guide on endgame raiding that is extremely in-depth on endgame tanking. This is the first of a four part series by Cinderhelm, so check back soon for the more of this wonderful guide!" World of Warcraft: Weapons Guide
"Our weapons guide has now been updated to include the weapons masters in the two new cities! Weapons masters can train you in different weapon skills so that your character can use more than the weapons that he has at the beginning."

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She really showed them.

Vin Diesel Fact: The popular childrens' game was originally called Vin Says, because if Vin Diesel tells you to do something you do it.

Thanks as always for visiting TenTonHammer.com

- John "Boomjack" Hoskin