Alienware, you've heard of this company. If you have ever purchased a computer game you have been accosted by one of their advertisements dutifully stuffed into the box. They look like incredible machines and if you stop by most gaming sites you will see a "Reviewed on Alienware" tag. They must be fantastic! If you read it on the Interweb then it must be true!
A year ago, just prior to E3 2005 we purchased three Alienware laptops for the staff here at TenTonHammer.com. Today, a year later...they are all dead. Is this the work of M-tech assassins? No. Did Voodoo 3D ninjas infiltrate our offices and sabotage these machines? No. Did we drop them into an active volcano filled with flame-proof crocodiles? No. As a matter of fact, all we did was use them.
These expensive (three machines cost us approximately $10,000 a year ago) machines didn't die at once. Oh no...first our C.E.O.'s machine decided that booting up was simply too much of an inconvenience. Doorstop alert!
Next, my machine took it upon itself to impersonate a college freshman, sometimes showing up and sometimes not, but more often than not acting drunk and vomiting nonsense across my screen. Doorstop alert!
Finally, Phil, our Communities Director had his power supply go. It doesn't surprise me actually. I expected the entire North American power grid to collapse each time we turned these things on. They run hot and by hot I mean surface of the sun hot. You can't fry eggs on them. The eggs spontaneously combust if you try. We turned to our local fire departments for asbestos wrist guards just so we could type on these bad boys.
The bottom line is that our honest experience with Alienware is that their machines are utter and complete pieces of refuse. The frustrations caused by the machines is only matched by the frustrations caused by dealing with Alienware technical support which if I didn't know better would appear to be located in Havana.
Alienwornout!
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What's New On TenTonHammer.com?
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06.01.2006
Terms of Gaming Graphics Hardware
"Peruse gaming graphics hardware and related system / software components, and you'll find yourself lost in a sea of acronyms and arcane terms. Don't know your ATA from your SATA from your SCSI? Think RAID is just what your level 59 World of Warcraft character got turned down from last night? Not sure what makes PCI Express so "express", the SLI so sly, or why some think AGEIA PhysX will be the next big thing? We're here to help! With MMORPGs quickly catching up to other gaming genres in the jaw-dropping graphics department, it might be time to upgrade your rig or buy new. Before you spend skads of money, take a look at the Ten Ton Hammer "Terms of Gaming Graphics" to see what's past and what lasts!"
Dungeons and Dragons Online: Ironclad Zealot Guide
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Everquest 2: Shadowknight Guide
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Guild Wars: Vizunah Square Guide
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Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Interview with Jeff Damron
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Vin Diesel Fact of the Day - Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody except Vin Diesel.
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up. [Thanks Matt]
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As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin