General Chat - Is It All That?

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The date today is 7/11. Celebrate this holy day by buying a Big Gulp and asking the person behind the counter why a store that is open 24 hours a day 365 days per year has locks on the doors.

Reading the chat channels in any MMOG is often akin to deciphering hyroglyphics chiseled by a drunken pharoah. Most games have the same set of channels and require the same level of mental gymnastics to comprehend, give or take;

General Chat - The channel where players who crave attention like Kirstie Alley craves cheesecake come to blather wildly about anything but the game itself. Communication in this channel falls into the following subgroups, Attention Craving, Questioning, Discussion of Personal Illness, Recruitment and Spelling Correction. Inhabited by half-human, half-cheetos hybrids, this channel is a veritable horn of plenty for the chat gourmand. 90% of all the messages in this channel are sent by three people who banter back and forth like old friends when they aren't arguing like Gaza Strip real estate agents. The Jerry Springer Show of chat channels minus the nudity, but infested with spelling errors.
Looking For Group Chat - The channel where sentences cannot be completed unless they contain at least three short forms and are typed entirely in capital letters. 'LF1M WC PST'. The place that those incapable of making enough friends to form a group on their own come to create dysfunctional groups that have no chance of completing their mission.

Trade Chat - A channel used for asking quest questions and selling things that no player in the history of the game has ever purchased.
Recruitment Chat - A channel as yet of undetermined use. Rumoured to have been created by the Gods for those they hate most, guild leaders. Purgatory.

Raid Chat - The channel that everyone uses to describe the television show currently playing four-feet from them. A means of communicating raid instructions to those currently AFK.

I'd love to go on, but I must carry out my civic duty and partake in a Big Gulp, or perhaps even a Super Big Gulp.

Make your mark. Mark your territory. Post a comment. If you are shy you can E-Mail me.
Every good guild needs a home. A home free of gold ads, secondary market farmers. Look no further than GuildPortal.com.

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-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin
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