by RadarX on Mar 05, 2009
Right.
Like any man in his right mind would give a definitive and easily quoted answer to THAT little enigma. A month from now theyd find my corpse rotting in some alleyway behind a convention hall and the cause of my demise would be beaten to death by glowing plastic swords.
Which isnt to say that Star Trek is better than Star Wars because the Jedi crowd beat me to death, it just makes more sense that Id be killed by replica weapons that could eventually do some damage. Because no matter how angrily you do it, or how much passion you put behind it
Blinking me to death with a prop phaser is going to take a while.
Still, this is a column dedicated to answering the great geek questions, and even at the risk of our own safety at the sweaty hands of rabid fans we have to answer as truthfully as we can without really saying anything incriminating. So
Star Wars is better than Star Trek
Star Wars had it all: Action, adventure, drama, and villains who didnt have badly glued on eyebrows.
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It was the story that we could all relate to, and in our hearts wanted to be true:
A normal kid, bored out of his skull and longing for adventure is told that he, and he alone can save the galaxy from some bad-ass robot looking villain who could choke the piss out of people with his mind. It played on every fantasy and tugged at our very being.
Until Luke kissed his sister, which was just gross unless you live in Arkansas, then its back to fantasies and soul tuggings. But I digress.
Star Wars was full of dashing rogues, betrayal, overcoming darkness, and whiney planets full of chicks with Cinnabon hair getting blown to smithereens. Sword fights and gun fights, death and destruction, Star Wars was everything that sparked the imagination and inspired creativity.
Where-in Star Trek just had some fat white guy stretching out a uniform as we tried not to notice the sweat stains pooling in there area where we assumed his bellybutton should be. There were no cool toys (at the time) and no Dagobah play sets that had brown felt quicksand that you could repeatedly drown Luke in to spark childhood memories and nostalgia.
There was just Shatner trying to hump up on everything that moved
Spock cant you see that Im making love to this alien ..woman?
Illogical Captain as this is Earth and that is what they call a mailbox.
. . .give me five more minutes.
Plus Spock had the tranny eyes going pretty hard. Yes, they slowly phased out the shocking blue eye shadow in the same shade that your grandmother wears, but that really didnt help.
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It just kind of made it .creepier. Because now it was missing which means it wasnt part of his skin tone, or a Vulcan ritual, but that Spock just REALLY dug slappin on the eye make-up and looking pretty.
Star Wars was in EVERY way far superior to Star Trek. Unless of course you look at the fact that:
Star Trek is better than Star Wars
Without Star Trek there would have been no Star Wars. Star Trek was the vision that paved the road to space, and without it George Lucas would have been just another struggling writer trying to hock his story about space incest. Because no matter what you believe, how you feel, or what your opinion is, one fact will always remain true
Luke TOTALLY kissed his sister.
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Now throw in some frigging muppets who live in trees and eat their own feces but can somehow topple the Empire, and youre beginning to see the bigger picture. Star Wars was just Star Trek on a bigger budget and tailor made for mass appeal. The story wasnt nearly important as putting out about 900 THOUSAND action figures, each with their own tiny accessories that some retarded kid in Nebraska could choke on and ruin it for the rest of us. Instead of cool figures we end up with Vaders saber sliding through his hand.
How does THAT not hurt?
Star Trek was the epitome of a utopian society. Earth had settled its differences, aligned in harmony and understanding, and through higher learning and acceptance moved into space in hopes of reaching out to other life forms. Sure, we had to blow the hell out of a few bad guys here and there, but you cant make a universal omelet without bashing in a few Klingon eggs.
Star Trek was the genesis and without it we wouldnt have 90% of the Sci-Fi that we have today. It is by far the most referenced, quoted, and loved of all space-themed series to date and for its longevity and iconic status it always will be.
I hope that I have cleared this up once and for all, and now we have a definitive answer (or two) that sets this debate at rest without choosing sides that will lead to me getting hate mail or possibly murdered by storm troopers.
Star Wars is not greater than Star Trek, and Star Trek is not greater than Star Wars. Both have a mammoth and slightly obsessed following, and both are amazing in their own right. So I think that we can all come together, accept one another and agree on a single solitary truth:
Firefly puts them BOTH TO SHAME!
MY LIFE FOR YOU JOSS WHEDON! MY LIFE FOR ow okay, WHO THREW THE EWOK ACTION FIGURE?!?
-Coyote