I Don't Play EverQuest 2!

By: Paul "SLiDE" Shortt

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We all know the Dark Jedi, Darth Vader. An ominous, black cape wearing, shiny helmet desplaying bad guy of epic proportions, this man strikes fear into even the meatiest member of Hell's Angels. I've had the fortune of having my invitation to inerview accepted by this infamous Sith Lord.

SLiDE: Thanks for taking the time to interview with me Mr. Vader. It's not often we get such a famous name through our doors.

Darth Vader: It's my pleasure Mr. Slide. However I hope you understand that I don't have much time. I've got some general galaxy domination to get back to, along with the construction of the next "Death Star" so let's try and make this quick.

SLiDE: Not a problem. I'll get right to it. How long have you been playing EverQuest 2 now?

DV: (extended silence) EverQuest 2? I don't even know what that is. Is this some type of... (leans over to his manager obviously confused)

SLiDE: Very interesting Darth. Similarly, I've been playing it for over a year and enjoy it myself. What do you think about the up and coming adventure and expansion packs? The Fallen Dynasty adventure pack has lore that involves Monks. Have you ever had the chance to play the Monk class in game?

DV: (shifting uncomfortably in his chair) I told you already, I don't know what EverQuest 2 is. Obviously its a sequal to some type of game that I haven't heard of. Don't you want to ask me about the dark side, the death star, my goofy son Luke or even that midget thing Yoda? Ohhh how about my dark Jedi powers! I always like to talk about those, maybe show off a little. (begins to levitate a nearby cameraman across the room)

SLiDE: Yes, the adventure and expansion packs should bring many hours of game play. I'm personally interested to see how the new Fae race will play into the Norrathian Lore. I'm not one for small fairy creatures, nor do I want to see them saturating the game to no end, but such is a part of an ever expanding world. Do you find it difficult to play the game with all that gear?

DV: (slamming fists down on the chairs armrests he stands up and engages his light saber) That's ENOUGH!! I don't play EverQuest 2. I don't "play" anything. I don't even understand why you wanted to interview me if you weren't going to ask me questions about the galaxy! One more mention of this "game" and I'll execute you myself!

SLiDE: Well technically Norrath is a part of the galaxy SIR! And how can you claim you don't play if you're obviously wielding a prismatic sword as we speak, not to mention all that ebon gear although I've never actually seen that stuff as shiny as you seem to be able to polish yours.

DV: Wha? Prism... Ebon... what?

SLiDE: I thought you'd be much more professional than this, but it turns out that you actually ARE as whiney as your character in the first three movies Mr. Aniken Skywhiner. It's one thing to pretend you don't like me, but to pretend you don't play EverQuest 2 is a complete fallacy. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to finish this interview.

DV: (Snaps his fingers followed by 40 some footsoldiers flooding the interview room, blasters at the ready) I don't have time for this nonsense and you are a complete waste of power.

SLiDE: Power? So you admit you have a power pool? :: rolls eyes :: Yeah, real nice, you have to bring in your strom troopers to fight your battles for you eh? (Snaps his fingers) Say hello to MY 40 some mercenary pirate friends Mr. "Shiny Boots". Your troopers are no match for these swagering masters of dirty combat. Yarrharrr! (shaking fist at Vader menacingly)

SLiDE: I said... Say hello to my pirate friends! (Snaps his fingers again followed by silence)

SLiDE: (Looks behind him only to see the producer rushing up to him)

Producer: Um sir... you ran out of Rum about a half hour ago and the Pirates mutinied. Mr. Vader just brought in 30 barrels, sooooo... they switched sides.

(In rushes 40 some pirates, pistols and cutlasses at the ready)

SLiDE: What the... You dirty, mutinous good for nothings! I paid you in full!

Pirate Leader: Yaaarrr! We knows what the contract says matey, (whips out a multi paged contract) but we's pirates and pirates don't abides by no contract. (sets contract on fire.)

SLiDE: (Gulps) This is SLiDE, officially duped by a buncha pirates with Ten Ton Hammer signing off. (waves and rushes off set chased by a small army of storm troupers and drunken pirates, a sith lord and a little monkey.)