Apparently Kim Jong-un isn't a fan of Early Access delays.

The Korean president's plan to utilize H1Z1 as a training simulator for his troops to give them an edge in the post-ebola apocalypse went awry earlier today as Sony Online Entertainment struggled with a few early launch hiccups. An avid fan of film and cinematography, the self-proclaimed Supreme Leader was planning to live up to the expectations portrayed in World War Z where parts of Korea survived the zombie outbreak despite being the location of patient zero.

He then decided to play real life Atari Missile Command by sending a wave of DDOS attacks to bombard the SOE Servers from his embassy in Southern China (footage of the attack can be seen here). Relations between the North Korean leader and Sony were already strained because of the whole debacle with the film "The Interview" - an American political satire movie about two idiots being trained by the US Government to assassinate Kim Jong-il's son. Although SOE and Sony itself operate fairly independently, I can clearly see where Mr. Jong-un might have gotten confused.

This has unfortunately led to an even bigger delay than was previously expected. Fans of the game are impatient and upset, and have even gone so far as to create an H1Z1 Simulator, which has effectively pirated the current game experience entirely.

More shocking than anything else have been the steam reviews, which although wildly supportive and full of "will recommend" votes, seem to be almost completely satirical. These idiots clearly don't understand that nobody really appreciates satire anymore. It's an archaic art-form that isn't even mildly entertaining.

Here is just a small sampling of some of those reviews:

Only $20 for epic H1Z1 desktop wallpaper?? Yes please! This is a steal!

- Melonade

This game looks so good, you'll spend over 2 hours in just the menu alone! 

- Slurm

Anyone making party for G99 raid? I can tank. 

- SneeR

I give it a 10/10. Would G99 again. 

- Lamb of the North

In conclusion, H1Z1 has definitely gotten under everyone's skin and ruffled plenty of feathers around the web. Players and fans of post-apocalyptic games everywhere are flocking back to DayZ - which of course the greatest and most perfect zombie themed game ever created. SOE probably shouldn't have even bothered, they clearly underestimated their competition.

If they ever do manage to get out from under Jong-un's ire, we should be able to finally get a good look at how far this game will be from hitting the mark. I have no problems saying that, because my grandmother taught me to always read a book by its cover. You only dig deeper if it's a proven commodity, right?

(Hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing. Stay patient while the developers get things taken-care of, this is Early-Access after all. There are bound to be hiccups. For the few select who didn't catch on at some point above, this news editorial was meant to be humorous and is obvious satire.)