The fast-food giant announced today that it will be extending
its marketing arm into the virtual world of style="font-style: italic;"
The move is all the more surprising given how it will be implemented.
McDonald's, better known for its Happy Meals and donations to sick
childrens' hospitals will be taking a more mature track with this
WAR is coming to a McDonald's near you!
Happy Meals will be renamed 'Scrappy Meals' and will come in
only one variety, the WARhamburger box. Toys included in the meal will
consist of 'Waaagh! The Card Game'. Children will be encouraged to
speak like Greenskins, gaining 'reknown' points for speaking this
nearly incomprehensible language both at school and at home. The second
phase of the campaign will include a set of collectible skulls. A dozen
different skulls will be available for children to collect, display and
trade with their friends. The final phase will once again be a set of
collectibles, only this time it will be weapons which will be
customizable with various decals portraying blood, body parts and gore.
McDonald's famous Monopoly
game will be mothballed in favour of Barnettopoly, named after the
flamboyant Creative Director at Mythic Entertainment, Paul Barnett.
Peel off codes will be placed on all sandwich and beverage products
giving customers the chance to win virtual items for use in the
Warhammer Online game. One such item, the Ronald McDonald Rapier will
allow players to randomly change what their opponent receives when they
purchase from an in-game merchant, emulating a McDonald's Drive-Thru.
In turn, the team at Mythic Entertainment has made changes to
their game to reflect their partnership with the clown prince of
calories. A new class will be introduced to the game, named the
Hamburglar. This class will include abilities like 'Super Size Me',
which causes opponents to get larger and slower. Changes will also be
made to the Dwarven classes which previously used 'grudges' as a
resource within the game. Grudges will now be called 'grimaces' and
will be displayed as purple blobs on the player's user interface.
Grimaces will never completely satisfy the player, but will be easy to
play and cheap to maintain.
When asked about this strange partnership Jim Skinner,
McDonald's CEO had this to say,
"It only made sense to team up with the Warhammer Online
team. We plan on putting little figurines in our Happy Meals, which
will be renamed Scrappy Meals, but some of the team decided that having
figures with blood and skulls as ornaments wasn't appropriate. I don't
see why not, so I OK'd it anyway. I mean our McChicken is basically
just ground up chicken skulls and blood. What's the difference? Making
a custom hamburger was much easier and hell, we can charge for it! --
Jim "Super Size Me" Skinner, McDonald's CEO
Mythic Entertainment's Eugene Evans replied with,
"It may seem an odd coupling on the surface, but when you
dig deeper both products are eerily similar. We both cater to teens,
offer an escape from reality and have been known to cause weight gain.
" -- Eugene Evans, EA / Mythic Upper Crust Guy.
Mr. Evans quote was interrupted when Paul Barnett burst into
the room asking, "Where is the dark little cloud?". He then waved his
hands before his face simulating a magician, pretended to throw a ninja
smoke bomb at his own feet, yelled "I am batman!" and fled the room.
More on this breaking story as we receive it.
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