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|This column is your column and here are your numbers:
With your WoW Census (in beta ) we are taking names and getting numbers.
Your WoW Database (more beta - more testing) is growing like Kirstie Alley at an all-you-can-eat buffet. It now contains:
Q&As and disclaimers to start your Monday Loading...
Have you sent me an e-mail and I haven't written back? I try to respond to as many e-mail as I possibly can, but with the deluge that often comes to my mailbox it simply isn't possible to reply to everyone. Rest assured that I read every e-mail that I receive, though I ask for help with the big words. I have answered two of your e-mails in the column today.
Remember, the opinions expressed in Loading... are not necessarily those of TenTonHammer.com, it's partners, affiliates, Kim Il-Jong, soccer moms or Howie Mandell. I do speak for Vin Diesel.
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Sometimes I have to believe that there is some sort of cosmic consciousness that reaches out and affects the minds of the population. Kirstie Alley has long been a frequent flyer in the Loading... column. I have picked on Kirstie dozens of times regarding her weight. Kirstie herself has done the same thing, starring in the the television show "Fat Actress". For whatever reason, I'll chalk it up to cosmic consciousness I received 11, count 'em 11 e-mails about my innocuous comment that our WoW DB was growing faster than Kirstie Alley at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Most of the letters were very well written, non-offensive and simply pointed out that perhaps making fun of someone's weight wasn't a nice thing to do. Others pointed out that Kirstie Alley had lost much of her excess weight and that I should be applauding her, not poking fun at her.
"We should celebrate those who accomplish such feats. Talk about an epic quest! -- Laura from Kansas "
These people are right. It isn't very nice, but I never purported to be nice. Nonetheless, they were letters written with emotion and I appreciate them. They took the time to let me know that they disagreed with me, and did it in a civil manner. I replied to them all. Thanking them for their letters and asking them if there was a way I could poke fun without offending them. I considered myself BoomJekyll as I wrote my replies.
I also received an e-mail that had it been sent in pre-computer days would have arrived comprised of individual letters cut out of the newspaper and magazines, much like a ransom note. Keeeerazy!!!!!
"I don't read crap like your column, but one of my friends forwarded it to me because she couldn't believe what she had read. Your comment about Kirstie Alley's weight could only be made by a racist, biggotted (sic), asshole of a man. I'm sure you sit there playing games all day and have never kissed a girl. When you see a beautiful girl like Kirstie Alley you wish that you could have a girlfriend of your own. Its (sic) people like you who make the world the stinking pit of decay that it is. -- Jill "
I did not respond to this e-mail as I felt it should receive the full notoriety that it deserved. Jill, here is my triple-thick shake of a response, just for you, compliments of BoomHyde.
Thank you taking the time to put down your bowl of chips and pry the family-sized plastic bottle of cola from your mouth to not read my column. The effort that it must have taken to slide your greasy, sausage fingers over the keyboard could have been nothing short of enormous, and I mean that in a gigantisaurus kind of way.
It means an immense amount to me that you would put forth such a sizable effort. I'm sure that Colonel Sanders and the Burger King are applauding you right now from a gigantic thrones in fried-foods Heaven.
Just to clarify and magnify things for you. I don't play games all day sitting in a gargantuan, stinking pit of decay. I often take time out to kiss the gigantic blow up doll that sits in the queen-sized chair next to me. Other times I just go online where in seconds I can find a naked virtual girl to kiss on my towering LCD monitor. Even other times I go online and yell out things in General Chat that I know will incite an explosive discussion. See, I'm not all bad.
Thank you again for putting forth such a massive effort.
Did I go overboard with my Kirstie Alley comment?
Post a comment at the bottom of this blog. If you are shy (or female and sending in naughty pictures) you can E-Mail me.
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Exclusive new TenTonHammer.com Content!
Let us entertain you or at the very least waste some of your time at work.09.19.2006 Exclusive Content
Dungeons and Dragons Online: Wizard
"No class can match the wizard in terms of spell casting flexibility. Wizards can learn any arcane spell and can tailor their prepared spells to fit numerous situations. DDO @ Ten Ton Hammer has all of your wizard guide needs, so we've updated our wizard portal to put everything in one convenient place. You'll be able to read over a dozen guides to spell casting as well as our reviews of all wizard spells."
Dungeons and Dragons Online: Warforged
"Turbine continues to gear up for the release of Module 3 in October. At Ten Ton Hammer, we're making sure we've provided the most accurate information to date. We're redesigning our race introduction portals to give you the best, most relevant data. Tonight's spotlight is on the warforged."
Vanguard: Saga Of Heroes - Necromancer Guide
"Do you see dead people? Then you may want a preview of what the Vanguard: Saga of Heroes Necromancer has in store. Everything we know about Necros so far is contained in Zinn's brand new class guide. Check it out to learn more about this powerful arcane pet class and its role in Vanguard."
World of Warcraft: Zul'Gurub Guide Update - Hakkar Strategy
"Many of the boss strategies have changed drastically since the initial release of Zul'Gurub. Over time we have updated most of the guides and today thanks to one of our readers, the Hakkar guide got its turn."
Vin Diesel Fact of the Day - It was Vin Diesel's cruel idea that the word "Lisp" have an "s" in it.
Now from the real world. You can't make this stuff up. [Thanks Matt for the headline leads.]
Hawks Attack More Than 100 People In Rio
Animal with brain the size of a walnut terrorizes Brazilian city. Now they know how North Korea feels.
Fish Used To Detect Terror Attacks
Insert your best "This idea seems fishy to me" joke here.
Experts - "Don't Stick Pens In People's Necks
Wanted: Captain Obvious - Last seen at "experts convention".
Pirate Party Falls Short Of Swedish Election Goals
Losing candidates forced to walk the plank, dress like Johnny Depp.
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