I feel privileged to work in the gaming industry. It is truly a joy.
With that in mind I thought it was time to give back to the community with a public service announcement. The announcement today applies only to Americans. In an effort to make public an event that the vast majority of Americans are oblivious to. An event of epic proportions. An event so important to the rest of the world that entire countries shut down in its honour. Yet this event goes unnoticed, swept under the rug and hidden from the public in the United States.
Public Service Announcement! [Insert Doot, doot, doot sound] The U.S. plays in the World Cup today. Moving on...
Heck, let's throw another public service announcement out. This time it serves notice to all MMOG players. I'm here to tell you about the greatest game that you have never played. That game my friends is called Auto Assault. If you haven't tried this title then do yourself a favour and give it a shot. Think of it like legalized road rage on steroids. Mazdas with mortars. Camaros with cruise missiles.
Take a break from waiting to find more members for your pick-up group and lay waste to everything in your path, including buildings. I imagine it must be a bit like invading a middle-eastern country. Buildings, people, animals; introduce them all to lead poisoning, bullet style! Tired of pulling one mob at a time back to a group of bored and complaining group-mates? Me too...so now I roar around at 100 miles-per-hour with a cannon on my hood blowing up everything that crosses my path. I don't stop long enough to pull a mob or even take a drink of coffee. It's just too much fun. Quests? Who cares about quests? I actually forget I have quests to complete, I'm so busy ripping tracer-fire into post-apocalyptic animals. They may have survived a nuclear holocaust, but they're not going to survive Boomjack in a Buick. How can you not play a game like this?
Auto Assault was recently patched and now includes these additions taken right from the patch notes:
New OCD Power Ups
That's right folks, we're giving the power to the people, especially those with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder!
Lengthened the amount of time text lines stay on screen.
Because length matters!
Increased the chance of loot drops
Give us more phat lewt!
Cut cost to rename vehicle by half at the body shop.
The race to name your toon "Half" is on!
Money and items that are dropped no longer live forever.
Immortal mutated bird parts get the Highlander treatment. There can be only one!
When you equip a Rear weapon, you will now get a little indicator
Oh please let it be a Taco Bell sign!
Twister damage has been reduced by 10%
Getting your driver-side front tire to the blue dot was murder.
If this doesn't get you excited then say, "Hello" to the rest of crew in the morgue.
Auto Assault, the greatest game you've never played. Discuss!
Make your mark. Mark your territory. Post a comment. If you are shy you can E-Mail me.
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Exclusive new TenTonHammer.com Content!
Let us entertain you or at the very least waste some of your time at work.06.22.2006
Dungeons and Dragons Online: Killer Build - Death Priest
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EverQuest 2: Betrayal From Qeynos To Freeport
"The long awaited day has finally arrived! Kiara is out of the annoying Barney song singing, Teletubby watching, city of Qeynos and on her way home!"
Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Class Introduction - Disciple
"Little is known about the mysterious Vanguard: Saga of Heroes Disciple--he's as elusive as the Yeti. But what information is available, we've got! Check out our revamped Disciple guide to learn more about Vanguard's unique martial healing expert."
Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Weekly Poll - The PvP Chicken
"Aunraye is a PvP chicken, and she's not ashamed to admit it. She's too attached to her hard-earned stuff to risk losing it to some player 30 levels higher who wants to kill her for sport. What's your take on PvP--do you love it, hate it, or find yourself somewhere in between? Read Aunraye's confession, and then confess your own PvP bent by voting in our poll."
Vin Diesel Fact of the Day - Vin Diesel never hides; he only seeks.
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.
On Tape: Rep Won't Let Customer Quit AOL [Thanks Matt]
Has Scientology finally taken over AOL?
Baboons Steal England Flags [Thanks Matt]
Football Fever strikes lower primates, center for disease control releases warning.
Next Game Controller - Your Phone [Thanks Matt]
Insert Picard Voice - "Phone...Attack Orcs. Engage!"
Code of Ethics For Robots
All hail our morally responsible robotic overlords!
Apple Says "Mooing Normal"
Cow tipping still considered bad form.
All hail our biodegradable robotic overlords!
As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin