Girl Powah And Cleavage

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Daily Column

Loading... It's like a leveling guide for every MMOG in existence.

We ended January with 277 new MMOG articles. That number doesn't include news stories. This is pure 100% Ten Ton Hammer MMOG content. February is a short month, but this is a leap year, so we'll try to keep up the pace. If only we had some gimmick that would allow us to take inane content that nobody cares about and get people to read it at least once. Hmmm, what could we do?

Wait, that's my mailbox ding a ding dinging that I have new mail. Surely this is something that will rock the very foundations of game journalism.

"GIRLS ENTERTAINMENT NETWORK WEBSITE AND COMMUNITY IS BORN

Nine Female Journalists Launch Website to Cover the World of Video Games, Anime, Comics, Gadgets and Cosplay

(Los Angeles, CA) January 17, 2008 The Girls Entertainment Network (GEN) is proud to announce the launch of the GirlsEntertainmentNetwork.com beta website. GEN is a community created by an all-female staff where both males and females alike will find a fun, positive and exciting home to discuss topics related to female focused video games, anime, comics, gadgets, cosplay and all things considered modern pop culture.

The Girls Entertainment Network will provide an informative and encouraging look at our beloved pop culture from the perspective of some of its most dedicated female fans, says Girls Entertainment Networks Leading Lady, Becky Young. We take our entertainment seriously but we are also friendly enough to be the girl next door.

With the GEN editors covering multiple topics, the site is updated daily with fresh content that includes fun editorials, videos, reviews, contests, insider industry info, celebrity interviews, guest blogs and entertainment blogs. In addition to the information on the website, the forums welcome the community to interact and provide a constant dialogue.

The Girls Entertainment Network creates an environment not only for pop culture Aficionados but also a great entry point for newcomers."

Heaven knows that we need more all female gaming websites. Their perspective on games is always so different from a site that allows males to act as conduits to the community. I would say that their views on games are so different from a males that they would appear alien, and we know how much people love reading views that are different than their own. They come back for that over and over and over again. Religion and politics I'm looking at you. Here is a snippet of what you can expect to read if you dare to enter the alien world that is their site.

"Who better to start off our new feature than Jessica Chobot! Jessica has become somewhat of a household name in the video game world over the last few years and I was very excited to get the opportunity to interview her! Read on to learn more about Jessicas nerdy habits, journey in to the video game world and thoughts on some of todays issues!"

Raise your hand if you live in a house. Those with hands raised are considered part of a household. Keep your hand raised if you have heard of Jessica Chobot who is "a household name".

"You there at the back with your hand raised. Yes you, you're the only one with your hand up aren't you? Tell us a bit about her writing."

"Uhh, she writes? I just look at some of the hot pics of her on the Google Images."

But Chobot (perhaps she is some kind of feminine, hot and sexy robot?) does write that,

"Leipzig is cool but small and doesnt usually show anything we havent already seen here first."

She's right about the "haven't seen it here first", in the sense that new games aren't announced. On the other hand, we had dozens of exclusive new articles come out of Leipzig last year. AoC delivered video of their siege warfare and EVE online showed off the new graphics engine as well as new ambulation information. Warhammer Online unveiled a new class. That's all new and important information for our readers. As for Leipzig being small. The town may be small, but the convention center is bloody HUGE. We're talking E3 size if not bigger folks. But it is all forgiven because she is easy on the eyes right?

Exhibit A: Jessica reporting from ComicCon NY - Phil dresses like that to cover events as well.
Exhibit B: Jessica licking a PSP - Again, Phil does that.
Exhibit C: Jessica licking a huge Wii controller - And again with Phil.

OK, enough picking on Jessica. She doesn't work on the site. She just got hoodwinked into an interview. It's not fair to tee off on her. Besides, she actually has credibility.

Let's get this derailed train back on the tracks shall we? Female gamers view the industry much the same that male gamers do. If I were so bold as to state that I thought female gamers should have their own site because they don't see things like males do, I'd be welcoming the castration crew to my front door in minutes. When a group of females (they call themselves "girls" which again would get me in trouble.) does it there is are attached expectations of what one would find on such a site. So, why oh why would anyone go to an all female site over a site that has both males and females? Answer: Nudie Pics.

There is a perception among males that an all female site is going to have hot pictures of these girls strewn among the game articles. For most males that would be the only reason to visit the site. The only things more attractive to male gamers than games are pictures of hot girls playing games. If a site promises both in one blogoriffic package then men will be all over it.

So I searched.

And I searched.

And I clicked on their Photos section.

And I didn't find anything erotic or arousing.

Every website needs to have some unique attractant that sets it outside the horde of mediocrity if it hopes to be successful. At Ten Ton Hammer our attractant is to have more quality content (Loading.... doesn't fit) and more personality (there's my fit) than the other sites that cover MMOGs. To some extent, especially in the quality content department we are succeeding.

The bottom line is that gamers really don't care if you are male or female (until they hear your masculine voice coming out of "hotcheeks" on ventrilo). We have plenty of females on our staff. All of them are qualified pros who can intelligently convey their thoughts about this industry to you. The funny thing is that their opinions of the industry are strikingly similar to those of the males (or should I call them boys?) on staff.

Moral of this long story? If you are going to use being a "girl" as your unique hook to get readers then you had better give your readers something that only a girl can deliver or the "boys" are going to show up once, find a site bereft of hot pics and go back to their old haunts. Being female doesn't make you different. It just lumps you into 51% of the world's population. The "all girls" card has been played far too many times.

It's your turn to give opinions now girls and boys. Hit the Loading... forums and post your hot pics.

Think happier thoughts.

Ten Ton Hammer introduced Ten Ton Pulse yesterday. If you visit our homepage you will now see some fancy bouncing graphs and numbers beside your favourite game. Jeff describes it best here. For those of you who can't tear yourselves away from this witty column here is a snippet of Jeff Woleslagle wisdom.

"Let's face it, rewards and voting systems have big problems. As for reviews, no matter how experienced, fair, or skilled at using clever metaphors the reviewer is, it's just one person's opinion of the game. Sites that hand out awards based on how many viewers vote for an MMORPG are vulnerable to organized efforts to "stuff the ballot box" - just look at how often a certain space MMORPG wins a certain other MMORPG network's yearly awards.

What if you were able to vote for your favorite games not by checking a checkbox and hitting a button, but simply by reading the articles, watching the videos, and checking out the news stories you're interested in? What if interest and "hype" could be gauged not by arbitrary scales that only the true lovers and haters of a game would bother to fill out, but that every gamer, casual or hardcore, could influence.

That's the vision behind The Pulse, the first truly passive rating system to hit the games space."

Here is the current Top 10 List.

1. World of Warcraft - 200 BPM
2. Age of Conan - 178 BPM
3. Lineage 2 - 156 BPM
4. Lord of the Rings Online: - 156 BPM
5. EverQuest 2 - 152 BPM
6. EVE Online - 137 BPM
7. Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - 130 BPM
8. Warhammer Online - 127 BPM
9. Pirates of the Burning Sea - 121 BPM
10. Tabula Rasa - 121 BPM

Instead of a popularity contest based on votes (like Prom Queen), Ten Ton Pulse shows a true popularity based on real visitors. There are some surprises in the Top 10 list. EverQuest 2 has more visitors than EVE Online which in turn has more visitors than Warhammer Online. Pirates of the Burning Sea is tied with Tabula Rasa.

Check out the new system and fire you comments off to us in the Loading... forums.

Do you feel the need to contact me personally with naughty pictures? Here's my E-mail.

8 new MMOG hand-crafted articles today! 277 so far in January! 277 so far in 2008!

New MMOG Articles At Ten Ton Hammer Today

Hot Content - Or, what I took a fancy to

MMOG News And Improved

Need More? Look no further for all of the headlines.

Real World News

Scientists Discover How To Neutralize Cow Farts [Thanks Matt]
So you need not worry the next time you're in an elevator with a cow.
Vegetarianism Proves To Be Perversion of Nature
PETA to change name to Perverts Eating Tasting Animals
Fire Burns More Than 300 Portable Toilets
Arson detectives have nothing to go on.

Thanks as always for visiting TenTonHammer.com

- John "Boomjack" Hoskin and the Ten Ton Hammer Team

Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016

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