You know what, I have no clue what the you know this word is going on with WoW’s lore anymore. Basically, if you’re new to the game, this is how it’s going to play out. You’re going to start and this badass dragon named something rolled in and just burned everything to the ground but he KINDA didn’t since it’s all rebuilt now but he just did knock all the sandcastles over and you have literally no clue what’s going on.

Literally, no clue, until you hit level 60 and it’s time now to go to Outland where you’ll chill out with hellboars until your head hurts and find out that basically this place is where the Orcs came from and this badass named Illidan is screwing stuff up but he’s not the real end boss or nothin, nah, that’s over in the Sunwell which you’ll be soloing here in about 20 more levels.

At level 70, you head to Northrend, where basically you replay the first Pokemon Yellow, with Team Rocket (played by Arthas and Kel’thuzad) keep showing up and taunting you, then just die in about 20 levels as you solo them, both at the same time, seriously just drag Kel’thuzad along as you go to kill Arthas who cares at this point.

Then at level 80, you finally go and fight Deathwing who you finally have learned his name when you finally get to this content (since from level 60 to now he’s forgotten). This is some kind of horror story now. What was once this amazingingly brought story about overcoming everything just comes to this point where everything dies and it’s all death and destruction and pretty much the most metal non-metal thing ever to exist. So you’re like okay cool deal.

Then at level 90 you screw off to some magical land that has Pandas and you do the silliest dumbest things until you get up to Garrosh who pretty much jolts you out of this fun and exciting happy land into the world of hurt. Garros, tired of everyone’s crap, screws off to Outland - but an alternate dimension Outland.

Then, we’re all to go to proto-Outland and fight Garrosh again along with every hero from WarCraft III that we loved but is now some crazy war proto-version of themselves. Meanwhile, Arthas and Kel’Thuzad are flying around in their Ghoul Blimp laughing at your inability throughout this entire story to provide any security at all to anything.

Stormwind has yet to learn to mount any kind of weaponry anywhere within their city and the Horde lost the great Alliance vs. Horde war and now are just sort of like, hrm well they had an old god corrupted crazy powerful Orc and Goku rolled in and smacked it in the face and won.

Man, I used to love WoW lore, but now it’s sort of more comical than ever. Give us WarCraft IV please even if you say you’re not. We need it for the lore. It can run concurrent with WoW, since you know, the only place for the story to go is space - we all forget that WoW is steampunk fantasy / sci-fi, so it doesn’t matter if everyone rolls back into space to fight some new cool dudes on some new planets, then incorporate that into an expansion.

Why even have a second platform for RTS? Bundle it into StarCraft II’s bonus maps or something, who cares. Doesn’t take a lot to make WoW models, since modders actually put WoW models into SC2 maps already, I think. I’m not 100% sure, but I mean, it doesn’t seem that hard to make 5 or 6 map campaign that introduces something other than content we’ve already seen again.

I mean, that’s the entire story of WoW. Fight one dude about a thousand times and he dies, because I guess the people who write the lore (the whole team not just Metzan) just get really attached to these characters and can’t let them die.

Let them die, let them on move on, stop making us attached to these characters SOOO DAMN MUCH that the community doesn’t want them dead either. Screw it, seriously, kill off Garrosh and move on. We had to deal with about five thousands appearances by Arthas before he died. Kel’Thuzad has been defeated twice now. The beetle dude came back to life so many times. You had to fight um, what’s his name, Kael’thas twice. Once in a raid and once in a dungeon.

Oh well, at this point who cares. Let Blizzard do as it pleases. Probably easier to iterate on the same character models then it is to make new stuff all the time.


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Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016

About The Author

Xerin 1
Get in the bush with David "Xerin" Piner as he leverages his spectacular insanity to ask the serious questions such as is Master Yi and Illidan the same person? What's for dinner? What are ways to elevate your gaming experience? David's column, Respawn, is updated near daily with some of the coolest things you'll read online, while David tackles ways to improve the game experience across the board with various hype guides to cool games.

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