Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles: The Lawyer

It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, but it only takes a few kinds to annoy the rest of us. Here's a profile of a particular type of gamer we've all met somewhere.
Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles: The Lawyer
Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles - "Boom, Lawyered!" "Boom! Lawyered."

The Lawyer

Encounter Type: Natural Troll

Habitat: General chat


The Lawyer is the player that loves to turn any situation into a debate. The Lawyer enjoys arguing, regardless of whether or not the argument has any purpose or point. Indeed, trivial topics are more likely to be the subject of the Lawyer's most heated arguments. He may or may not be aware that he is behaving this way, so his trolling may be natural and inherent, or intentional.

The Lawyer enjoys finding loopholes, real or imagined, in sets of rules or codes. He may or may not exploit these loopholes himself, but the Lawyer's focus is on arguing about it rather than actually doing it.

He will often employ an arsenal of big words to make himself sound smarter, though he may not spell them correctly or even use them in the proper context. He may or may not have a handle on grammar, but will readily point out grammatical and spelling errors in his opponents' arguments if it serves to make him seem smarter. 

Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles - "Better Call Saul!" "Problems with an argumentative know-it-all player? Better call Saul!"

He will out-argue any competition and will never budge from his original stance. If his original position is proven to be incorrect and indefensible, he will resort to angry personal attacks and use ad hominem arguments to undermine his opponents, but he will not vary from his stated opinion, no matter how wrong it may be.

The worst way to deal with a Lawyer is to try to argue with him using logic. You can't out-logic stubborn and crazy - that's the trap he has set. He's baiting for an argument, and giving it to him only makes him stronger. The more people argue against him, the bigger words he will use, and the longer his sentences will grow. In the end, this kind of argument will come down to attrition - he will wear his opponents down through exhaustion and frustration until he is the last man standing. 

The best defense against the Lawyer is to resort to childish, simple trolling: counter all of his arguments with "Your mother!" or something equally juvenile. His responses will be wildly entertaining as he gets angrier and angrier, and he will be unable to resist trying to make himself seem superior and smarter and better, while failing to realize that responding to childish taunts only reveals the petty, contentious time-sink he truly is.

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