Dawn of the Day of the Night of the Living Patch Notes
by: Tony "RadarX" Jones and Coyote (EQ2 Humor Specialist and Art Department)
Hi! I'm RadarX, and this is Coyote who is busily eating biodegradable styrofoam. Coyote I'm still not going to try it no matter how much you say "it really DOES taste like popcorn." We all know Game Update 32 is coming up and Coyote and I weren't paying attention to the notes, so our bosses at Ten Ton Hammer locked us in a theater and are going to force us to watch it on screen. They are as always monitoring what we think, so we're going to say exactly what we want. So if you are...yes it IS Game Update dude, they changed it last year! If you are ready I think....AHHH we've got GU sign!
Patch Note: Profession hats should no longer make you bald.
Coyote: Unfortunately, they will still make you look like a huge dork in most cases, but hey! At least you'll have hair!
RadarX: Talk about helmet hair! OW! Hey that was funny! Does this mean you are going to stop calling my Templar hat a "bottlecap?" I can also see the "When are the rest of the profession hats coming?" complaint popping up. They have decided they hate YOUR class even more than Rangers and have put it on hold.
Coyote: You want a HAT? We gave you HAIR! Will you people EVER be happy?
RadarX: I promise you next week bald characters are going to be complaining they get hair when they put on a hat. ITS CALLED A TOUPEE!
Patch Note: All store-bought ammunition now has a max stack size of 100. Previously it fluctuated between 99 & 100 depending on level.
Coyote: When does it EVER come down to this? I hear Rangers using excuses to why they all wiped. "Geez! We would have TOTALLY won if I had ONE more arrow! DAMN IT!!" Yeah, keep thinking that Legolas.
RadarX: I want to know what happens to that extra arrow. It's there, it's not there? Is the quiver like a dryer that eats socks? Am I going to find a carbonite arrow in there 50 levels later?
Patch Note: Beholders now count as Evil Eyes, as they are eyes... And evil... They will update the Evil Eye legend and lore quest and the mastery strike awarded from that quest will work on them.
Coyote: This totally explains that one weird eye thing Paris Hilton has going on. All eyes are evil.
RadarX: Why don't the evil eyes have a betrayal quest yet?!?!!? This is unacceptable. Don't you think some of them are TIRED of living in Deathtoll? Maybe they want to move to a "good" contested zone like Tunaria.
Coyote: HA! Don't make me show you my GOOD eye pal..
RadarX: Eye don't understand. OW! That was funny!
Patch Note: The investigation skill should now only appear once you properly acquire it, which might take some investigation itself.
Coyote: Talk about a catch 22. Who wrote this? Yoda? OooOh. Only learn when you have been taught will you.
RadarX: I know this skill leaked into Live awhile back and people have been speculating it's purpose. It appears we need to investigate the investigation of the investigation skill where is the Tylenol?
Coyote: Scooby Doo the MMO..
RadarX: OLD MAN WINTERS!
Coyote: We would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids and that STUPID DOG!
Patch Note: Mentoring and deleveling should no longer cause you to crash to character select.
Coyote: It instead will give you a pop up screen asking "WTF ARE YOU MENTORING TO A 60+ ENCOUNTER YOU RETARD?!?"
RadarX: Unless they have put the deleveling skill on other mobs, I have to agree. I've only seen this in CoV and on the 60+ epics. Maybe there is another I've missed but man are you guys just LOOKING for stuff to break?
Patch Note: Petitions and help requests no longer require use of an external web browser!
Coyote: HAAAAAAALLLLLEEEEEEELLLLUUUUJJJJAAAHHHH!!! Puh-RAISE tha LORD-ah! Kermmit McHoppylegs? Your frickin' days are NUMBERED.
RadarX: On a related note, the /petition pizza command I've requested STILL has not made it to test yet. This is very positive though, and should help increase the number of reports.
Patch Note: Solusek's Eye: Members of the Drednever Expedition in Solusek's Eye should no longer attack pets.
Coyote: Instead they'll go right for the Ranger in your party who would have lived if he had that ONE extra arrow.
RadarX: What is with the Ranger hate? Your Swashbuckler DPS is respectable, no need to be envious. This change is directly related to the class action lawsuit filed by the ACLU on behalf of the pets of Norrath.
Coyote: They're Carnies. Nomads you know. Circus folk. Small hands...smell like cabbage.
Patch Note: Lesser Faydark: A nasty werewolf spawn has been moved further away from a revival point in Lesser Faydark in order to avoid ... unfortunate accidents.
Coyote: Man...we almost won that fight! Okay...lets regroup. Tobor, I want you to nail any adds as they show up, Robex, grab any mobs that aggro the healer, and Mikel, go for the WEREWOLF! RRAARRWWWRR!!!
RadarX: Gah! I hate those wolves. Of course I guess that means less feign deathing them on the rest of party huh?
Patch Note: You will now be asked to confirm leaving raid zones when you have a lockout timer.
Coyote: Unfortunately, it is a 50 DKP MINUS!!
RadarX: Well I guess we'll have to come up with new excuses to get out of raids early. I hate having to always rely on "Oh you didn't want ME to pull the dragon?"
Patch Note: Using the /yell command in Emerald Halls, Inner Sanctum, Clockwork Menace Factory, and Freethinker Hideout will no longer break the encounter.
Coyote: I yelled the Rumbler and all I got was this exploit fixed. If only we had ONE MORE ARROW...
RadarX: But no it wasn't an exploit! Didn't you read the 150 page thread?
Coyote: It's not a BUG, its a FEATURE.
RadarX: A feature on how to exploit?
Patch Note: Questgivers that have a different faction than you do should no longer incorrectly show a quest icon above their head.
Coyote: Instead it will show a glowing middle finger with the words "Piss off n00b."
RadarX: No more countless minutes of me standing in front of an NPC going "Why do you hate me?!?!"
Patch Note: Shareth D'Frexin could use your help to retrieve something he lost in New Tunaria. He was last seen lurking about above the waterfall in The Greater Faydark.
Coyote: Sorry dude, once you lose THAT behind the waterfall in New Tunaria, you can't get it back. It's like summer camp, the boyscouts, or your Uncle's house when he's been drinking. Live with the shame dude...embrace it.
RadarX: Dude no. Maybe he's looking for that extra arrow that should be in his quiver.
Coyote: Show us on the Billy doll where he touched you...
RadarX: Have you been seeing your therapist like we talked about? Not the sock puppet, the REAL one.
Patch Note: Spells like Water Spirit that cause you to sink in water will no longer cause falling damage.
Coyote: Spells like "cupcake" and "Pint of Ben And Jerry's during Desperate Housewives" sadly will.
RadarX: I don't know how many times a Defiler killed me with that spell. Oddly enough safefall works underwater. How you land softly at the bottom of a lake is beyond me. Also it seems that you have icecream? Gimme!
Patch Note: Players should no longer become stuck behind the flour sacks at location 32, -1, -41 in Crushbone Keep (no matter their size).
Coyote: Players should also never give details to exactly WHY they were congregating en masse BEHIND the flour sacks in Crushbone Keep. Don't ask, don't tell.
RadarX: For crying out loud we have reputable inn's ALL OVER Norrath. Crushbone Keep? You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. You think Dvinn stacks that flour there for your promiscuous escapades?
Coyote: Hehe.... "Man..these biscuits taste FUNNY."
RadarX: Yup if you screw up in the Keep you get punished with Biscuit Taster duty.
Patch Note: The effect on the Blithe Bixie Cloak will now return power to the caster, instead of draining it.
Coyote: However, you will still look like a huge dork in a fairy cloak.
RadarX: Take this cloak, but beware it carries a terrible curse! Ohhh that's bad. But it comes with a free Frogurt! That's good! The Frogurt is also cursed. That's bad. A cloak that does the opposite of what it is supposed to. I don't think it gets much funnier.
Coyote: BRING FORTH...the Girdle of Masculinity/Femininity!
RadarX: Corset its a corset. It gives support where you .Im talking out loud again.
Patch Note: Enemy Level is compared only once in determining mitigation adjustments and is now calculated before the mitigation diminishing returns curve is applied. This fixes situations where often plate armor's longevity plummets much faster than lower mitigation armors against high yellow and low orange content.
Coyote: I have no clue of what was said here. It reads like the instructions that come with ready-to-assemble furniture. WHERE the HELL is TAB A?? WTF IS A GROMMET?!?!?
RadarX: I gave my plate armor an enhancement drug and it has NO problem with longevity now thank you very much. Grommet. Don't they give you an extra 3 of those in the little baggy?
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