High End Favorites
EQ2 Humor by Coyote Sharptongue
"Raiders. Those mysterious and dedicated players who lurk in the "end game" of our world battling what some would deem the gods themselves. They devour content like hungry beasts, decimate the impossible and force the world to change and evolve for the better, in order to keep up. Some would argue that without these dedicated and hard core adventurers our world would stagnate and die. But what happens when that new content doesn't arrive? What happens when the end is reached and there are no new quests to solve, monsters to defeat or gods to challenge?" A large Kerran looks intently into the camera as he speaks into a microphone.
"This is Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer news reporting to you live from the scene of yet another protest forming here within our city walls. Standing with me today is Veteran Raid Leader and Qeynos Citizen Kiiara. How are you today Kiiara?" Coyotee asks a large human warrior who smiles happily into the camera.
"Good thanks, but I think we have to clear something up Coyotee." Kiiara says as she points to a large crowd gathering behind him. "I'm not a Veteran Raid Leader, and we're not raiders. We are here in PROTEST of the FAVORTISM that raiders GET." She growls into the microphone as the crowd mimics his snarls and guttural comments.
"I..thought this was about high end raiding?" Coyotee says in confusion as he looks at his notes.
"It's ALWAYS about high end raiding, and THAT is why we've gathered today!" The group leader roars as the crowd behind him erupts in an angry cheer.
"So..why are you protesting Raiders?" The catman asks as he fumbles with his notes, looking at the camera for help.
"Because hardcore raiders are elitist snobs. They think that because they take the time and care to fight against high level contested monsters, that they are the only ones who deserve the loot that comes from those raids. I'm here to say that its not fair, and we are NOT going to stand for it a moment longer!" Kiiara screams inciting the crowd behind her. The mob roars its approval as their spokesman grins on.
"But, if they've gathered and worked together as a functioning unit to take down creatures of impossible strength, shouldn't they be rewarded for their effort?" Coyotee asks slowly.
"Sure they should be rewarded, but why should they get to see and do things that we don't have time for? Where's our cut of the pie? Just because they put together a group and took out a monster that one person couldn't kill alone, THEY should be the only ones entitled to the loot?" The spokesman laughs at the notion as he shakes his head. "Where's our share? Where's our fabled gear?" She asks rhetorically as the crowd echoes his anger.
"But..you haven't done anything. You are, by your own tongue a SOLO adventurer. Why should you be entitled to the very best if you haven't done anything to GET it?" Coyotee asks again, unable to follow the logic.
With a patient sigh and a roll of her eyes, Kiiara puts her arm around the large reporter and explains himself slowly.
"Look. I have a job. I have to support my family, and I've got two half-elf kids at home to feed. I can't be raiding ten hours a day or meeting up with my friends to form a group to go take out some monster. Its not me, and its not how I operate." Kiiara chuckles as she explains. "I don't HAVE the time or the resources available to me to put together a large group of like minded individuals and set off to accomplish some agenda or goal." She finishes as a ripple of laughter spreads through the crowd of his followers.
"But you have time for protests?" The reporter asks as he gestures towards the crowd.
"Well..that's different." The leader of the group bristles in defense.
"Um..no its not. There's what? Twenty or so of you? What's stopping YOU from grouping up and taking the mob you've already gathered off to kill a powerful monster?" Coyotee asks.
"WE ARE SOLOERS!" Kiiara cries in exasperation. "We don't get together to raid, we get together to talk, and have fun, and we're being penalized FOR IT!" He shakes his head as the crowd rallies behind her.
"No you are not! You don't like to raid, you don't have the TIME to raid, and yet you still want the benefits and treasure that comes WITH raiding. In truth if you WANT the good gear, the best weapons and the fabled drops, you have to work for it - not just expect it handed to you because someone else has it and you don't think it's fair." The large catman explains as if he were talking to a group of children.
"Look pal, we adventure for the fun, not for the profit and because of that we can't have the profit? How is that fair?" Kiiara asks the reporter angrily.
"You make my head hurt." Coyotee admits as he turns away from the crowd and faces the camera.
"Different styles of adventuring bring different results. Casual hunters, family guilds and even the loner solo fighter make up a large percentage of our world, but when someone puts more time and effort - regardless of reason - into fighting for treasure, the treasure will logically be better than that of those who aren't as dedicated. Fair or not, you reap what you sow." Coyotee explains as he addresses the camera directly.
"Hey..where'd you get a microphone?!" Kiiara exclaims angrily as she notices the reporter's equipment. "I want to be a reporter for Ten Ton Hammer! THIS IS FAVORTISM!" She screams loudly.
"This is Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer news saying, in order to deserve something, you have to earn it. Back to you Tom and Diane." The cat man finishes ignoring the cries of favoritism from the crowd as he turns back towards Lestard.
Without warning Coyotee smashes the heavy black microphone into the side of the woman's head with a sickening crunch. Staggering Kiiara staggers off camera and falls to the ground.
"There. You've earned it, AND you deserve it. Dumbass." Coyotee growls as he turns to walk away, the stunned crowd wide eyed in silence as the camera slowly fades to black.
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