The Norrathian Quiz Show
EQ2 Humor by Coyote Sharptongue
A large Ogre smiling happily as he waves from behind a podium greets the camera as he bounces excitedly from foot to foot.
"Hullo! And welcome to KRUNNK NEW GAME SHOW..." The Ogre closes his eyes in concentration as he takes a deep breath. "Who Want To Be Wheel of Jeopardy Final Answer Pyramid Millionaire Winner Guy!" He exhales excitedly as he opens his eyes with a proud grin.
"This game where Krunnk ask 'testants about world o'Norrath, an' they answer an' win points!" Krunnk giggles excitedly. "Buuut. If they get WRONG answer, Krunnk say WRONG! An' then buzz'em!" He explains as he holds up a large buzzer and pushes it's single button. A long annoying "Bzzzzzzzt" sounds, causing the huge monster to cascade in a waterfall of giggles.
" 'Kay. Let's meet 'testants." Krunnk says as he gently sets down the buzzer and puts on a very serious face. "First 'testant is stupid kitty man from Qeynos." He says as the camera pans over to a large Kerran standing behind a scoreboard lit podium. "Him name is Coochie Shirtmonk an' him is bard." Krunnk explains as the cat man laughs lightly.
"Actually Krunnk, my name is Coyotee Sharptongue, and I'm a reporter for Ten Ton Hammer." The Kerra corrects with a grin. "And thanks for having me! This should be fun!" He finishes with a chuckle.
"Whatever." Krunnk says in a bored voice as he looks longingly at the buzzer.
"An' next 'testant is returning big winner champion best guy...." Krunnk says with a huge smile as he points next to Coyotee. "Lucan D'Lere from Freeport who NICEST MAN EVER YAY!!!" He roars, clapping as the camera pans towards the Overlord who nods solemnly to the audience before returning looking back at the game show host.
"You both know rules, so lets play 'kay?" Krunnk says as he picks up a question card. "What is name of-" He begins to read the question but is cut off by the hesitant Kerran.
"Um..e..excuse me Krunnk?" Coyotee interrupts as the Ogre looks at him in deep set annoyance. "No..no one TOLD me the rules of the game, or even how it's played." He explains with an apologetic smile.
Frowning and rolling his eyes the Ogre picks up the buzzer and presses the button angrily with a loud "BZZZT!"
"THAT for not knowing RULES.." Krunnk chastises as a point is deducted from Coyotee's non-existent score. Pressing the buzzer again, another point is deducted as Coyote blinks in amazement. "AND THAT for interrupting Mister Rudey Pants! Now pay 'tention!" He adds as another point is deducted from the Kerran's score.
Looking around sheepishly Coyotee says nothing more but waits for the Host to continue, and maybe explain exactly how the game is played.
" 'Kay. For um, this many points.." Krunnk grins as he holds up four large fingers, forgetting about any further instruction. "What name of Duckie in Qeynos Harbor water place that smell like fish?" The smiling Ogre asks happily as he looks over his contestants.
Buzzing in quickly, Coyotee grins as he leans in towards the microphone.
"That's easy!" He laughs. "Sergeant Quackers." The reporter says with a smile as he looks over at Lucan who glowers dangerously.
"NEWP!" The Ogre laughs happily as he holds out the buzzer depresses it with a loud sharp "Bzzzzt".
Confusion washing his face Coyotee frowns slightly and leans back from the podium as Lucan D'Lere buzzes in.
"Who is Mister Happy Happy Pretty Duckie." The Overlord says darkly as he crosses his arms over his chest.
"THAT IT!" Krunnk roars as several points are added to Lucan's scoreboard. Mouth agape in shock Coyotee looks back and forth at the two men in outrage.
"His name is Sergeant QUACKERS! Not Happy Happy Duckie or whatever he said! What kind of game show IS this?" The Kerran yells as he points towards Lucan. Smiling slightly the Overlord says nothing as he watches the outburst.
Frowning slightly Krunnk presses the buzzer again with another loud "bzzzt" and chuckles, obviously captivated by the device.
"You lose 'nother point for bein' stupid." Krunnk says offhandedly, his eyes never leaving the buzzer as he studies it intently. Another point is deducted from Coyotee's scoreboard as the Kerran looks on in disbelief.
"You can't do that!" Coyotee protests as Krunnk pushes the buzzer again and another point is deducted. Throwing his arms in the air in frustration, the cat-man tries to speak but he is cut off by the Ogre's buzzer with each exclamation.
"You can't *BZZZZT* - Stop with *BZZZZZT* Will you ju*BZZZZT* It's not funny Kru*BZZZT*" Coyotee tries in vain to make the large brute see reason, but with each cry his score is reduced by one. Conceding defeat with a glower, Coyotee crosses his arms and finally stops talking.
Watching him with the buzzer outstretched Krunnk waits expectantly for the Kerran to say something and then sighs sadly when he realizes that his fun is over.
"Next question worth um...eleventeen points." Krunnk says dejectedly as he looks down at his podium and clears his throat.
"What name of kittie people like stupid face dummy over there?" Krunnk asks as he jerks a monstrous thumb in Coyotee's direction.
Pursing his lips, the reporter looks angrily between the show's host and it's returning champion before defiantly pressing his buzzer.
"Cootie Stupidhead!" Krunnk laughs as he acknowledges Coyotee's response.
"We are known as Ker-" Coyotee stops mid answer as Krunnk's finger hovers precariously above the wrong answer buzzer and looks around. "Ahem. I mean...we are called the Happy Happy, Pretty Pretty, Furry Happy Pretty Kitties." The Kerran growls as he locks eyes with the bemused Overlord.
"That...is..." The Ogre says dramatically as he looks at Coyotee. "..ABSORIGHTLY RIGHT!" Krunnk roars happily as Coyotee smiles in victory, his eyes still focused on Lucan.
"It's about DAMN time." The Kerran grumbles as he turns to face Krunnk.
"Buuuuuut....you not buy vowel first so points go to him." Krunnk says sadly as he points to the Overlord who nods in gracious acceptance as he score increases yet again.
"WHAT?!?" Coyotee explodes as he spins around as if looking for some sort of explanation. "HOW do I buy..WHERE DO I BUY A VOWEL?!" He demands, slamming a fist onto the podium in anger. "YOU ARE MAKING UP THE RULES AS YOU GO ALONG! YOU - what the hell is that?" His accusations are cut short by confetti dropping from the ceiling as lights whirl and sirens blare.
"HIM SAY THE SECRET WORD!!" Krunnk howls in delight as he points at Coyotee who looks around unsure before smiling uneasily.
"Is..that..good?" The Kerra asks as two scantily clad women slide up beside him. A third woman pushing a covered cart follows as Coyotee grins at the two women who hug him from the side.
"GOOD?!? THAT GREAT!" The Host roars as Lucan suddenly looks sad and almost defeated. "That mean you win PRIZE!" He explains as the cat man's demeanor brightens considerably.
"Really? What did I say?" Coyotee asks excitedly as the woman grab at the canvas that covers the cart. "What did I WIN?" He adds eagerly as he grins at the Host.
"You win what in MYSTERY BOX!" Krunnk drawls out dramatically as Coyotee leans in wide eyed wonder.
"Ohhh! What's in the mystery box?" Coyotee asks in anticipation.
"In mystery box is..." Krunnk's eyes grow as he nods for the women to uncover the prize. "...ANGRY WEASEL HAT!" The Ogre screams happily as the women uncover a large diver's bell style helmet and place it down around the head of the confused Kerra, snapping it's locks in place.
"Than..thank you." The cat man says in a muffled, unsure voice. "But why is it called the Angry Weasel ..ow...ow..is ..is there something IN HERE?!" He cries out in alarm as he starts slapping violently at the sides of the large helmet.
"OH MY GOD IT'S BITING MY FACE!" Coyotee screams as he stumbles around in blind panic, slapping wildly at the diver's helmet. He staggers around as he steps out from underneath the boom mic, his muffled, frantic cries almost silenced by the large helmet as he runs screaming from the set.
Watching in amusement Krunnk turns towards the camera and smiles.
"Well, that all the time we got, so that mean Lucan wins and him give Krunnk cookies!!" The Ogre says excitedly as the Overlord snaps his fingers and two servants rush in quickly, each carrying a tray heaped with the sugary snack.
"Tum en neff tum whe Wooken win again!" Krunnk says through a mouthful of cookie as he shovels them greedily into his mouth.
"BYE!!" He waves excitedly as credits roll, still stuffing his face happily as the winner of the game show, Lucan D'Lere smiles evilly in the background.
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