The Saga of Vetlar

EQ Humor by Coyotee Sharptongue

Vetlar - The beginning of it all - Part One

When I am bored, I am quickly prone to Mischief. So, in my boredom I created a new character. A level 1 Iksar Monk named VETLAR, which I quickly ran over to the Dreadlands in hopes of amusing myself. (For those of you who don't know, Veltar is a 60 monk in Dreadlands and scares people spitless. VETLAR is a level 1 me, who is "not so much" in the scary department.)

Victim #1 : I planted myself about fifteen feet from the zoneline and waited patiently. A level 52 High Elf Enchanter pops in, and the moment he moves, I charged from around the corner at full speed. His character did this little "back and forth" wiggle dance and zoned instantly. I'm not sure - but I think I saw a wet spot at the front of his robes. Giggling like a school girl, I backed up around the corner again, but this time further back, completely out of sight. A minute later the Chanty comes hesitantly peeking around the corner.


Running full bore I charge at him and chase him across the zoneline.

Now I'm laughing pretty hard. Here's a level one, naked toon, with no gear and like four and a half hit points in a 30+ zone scaring the snot out of people that could feed me my own face.

I crowd the zone line once more.

He pops.

"BOOGA BOOGA!" I scream at him. He turns and zones, but a second later I receive a tell.

"You prick. I was just about to say screw it and go hunt in GD."

I chuckled and threw back a response and we both had a good laugh over it. I asked what gave me away and he said it was the "booga booga". Go fig.

But now? Yeah, he wants to help me get someone else. So I get buffs...and invisibility..and...

Victim #2 : Level 30 Dwarf Cleric pops in and before he even moves out of the zone-way, he gives the OOC shout "30 Cleric oom and lfg!".

He's wounded and out of mana. Awww poor little fella. Hims needs to cheer up..

My new accomplice sends a shout to the zone "WATCH IT! VELTAR IS NEAR THE ZONELINE!"

This brings a deluge of responses and jokes, and the cleric slowly walks
past me, (Now invisible to him) and stands in the cave mouth, as I move directly in front of him. He sends a shout to the zone "WHERE is Veltar?" so, I drop invisibility, appearing directly in front of him. He runs out of the cave, around me several times, and then BACK into the cave, zoning with me fast on his heels.

I take place around the corner and wait. He zones back in and I charge..chasing him out of the zone once again..

But in my eagerness to screw with him..I overstep and..well.. I zoned too.

NOW he's absolutely beside himself as I zoned, and he tears ass out of FV, never once looking back.

Victim #3 : Level 58 Warrior / Level 59 cleric Combo.

My accomplice sends a shout to the zone that Veltar has returned to the ruins. They reply "IMPOSSIBLE we just killed him."

So, my little helper invites them to look. I'm nervous now. I'm a level 1 Monk in a 30+ zone and invised in Veltar's little lair. Warrior / Cleric both still a bit hurt, peek in.

"He's not there!" I see in OOC.

I drop the invisibility and charge. They scatter like rabbits...the cleric is gone, but I chase that damned warrior, up, over, through..and right into an agro'd giant who bashes me once...


Now I've been told that impersonating an NPC for any reason, no matter how purely innocent (such as I am) is against SOE policy, so I have stopped this little..ah..experiment and it will NEVER again happen. (Until I am bored.) So to all you victims out there, who I didn't mention (as there were much more than these 3) I say Thank you, and Long Live Vetlar!

Part Two - Bored To Be Wild

Hello there! For those of you who don't know me, I'm Coyote and I get bored *very* easily. Now, when I get bored, I'm prone to mischief, because mischief For example, I have created a Level 1 Iksar monk by the name of Vetlar.

Big whoop. Right? I get bored and make a new toon. OoOOoh WILD MAN! WILD MAN!

In The Dreadlands, there is a level 60 Iksar monk by the name of VELTAR that goes on random killing sprees, terrorizing the zone. Veltar reaps both horror and respect with every death and to those who hunt often in The Dreadlands, his is a name to know and to fear.

Enter Me. Vetlar. I look juuusssttttt like Veltar, but with no hit points, abilities, or reasons to fear me what-so-ever. Think those snakes that look like the poisonous ones, but are harmless. That's me, and that REALLY makes me giggle.

Every few weeks, I trot out o' Vetlar and happily make my way to The Dreadlands for some good natured fun.

Attempt 1

My FIRST goal was to run over to the Veltar ruins and wait for someone to get to0 close, so that I could pop out like a trap door spider, all the while giggling like a retard as they ran screaming. Little did I know that Spider-chicks now live above the cave in The Dreadlands and upon running out, I was promptly eaten and killed.

I was not amused at the irony.

Attempt 1.1

So I run all the way BACK to FV, and what do I find? Two elves trying to loot my corpse.

Yeah. Vultures. I know.

I suck down a cloudy (invisibility) potion and move out of the cave towards them to say "hello", when their conversation pops onto my screen.

"Are you sure? It looks like a player's corpse." The first Elf asks as they circle my body.

"No he's a badass monk and he's got something for the monk epic I think. If someone killed him we have to wait for the corpse timer to get under 6 minutes before we can loot it." The second of the grave robbers replies.

"kk" Responds the first Elf, obviously thinking that looting MY corpse is a dandy idea.

Well, needless to say I thought that THIS would be the perfect opportunity to say hello. Dropping invisibility a few feet from them, I race towards them at breakneck speeds thanks to a little help from a SoW potion. Elf number one gates with a scream as I chase Elf number two to the zoneline, being very careful not to zone myself.

Before they can come back, I rush over to my body and pick up my corpse.

Don't want it ruining my fun...just yet.

The Elves don't come back, which sucks, because the zone is MOSTLY empty, and I still haven't made anyone wet themselves yet.

Attempt 2

I'm now hiding in the ruins and looking at the REAL Veltar. I thought that he would have insta-kill faction with me, but as it turns out - he's really not such a bad guy.

Studying my muse, I change my face to more closely match his, and while I'm doing so I see this in /OOC..

"Veltar still loose?" A human warrior asks the zone.

"check the ruins by fv zone" comes the reply as I weep openly at the joy of such an offering.

The human warrior comes boldly stomping in and doesn't even bother to wipe his feet. This REALLY pisses of the Veltar who turns him into a pretzel in like two hits.
Talk about neat freak.

Veltar THEN proceeds to run out of the ruins, chasing someone else down for what I can only imagine is an epic beating.

I thought my fun ruined until I see another shout to the zone.


......thank you baby Jospeh Sayer. Thank you.

I now spend the next 15 minutes completely invisible, following around the REAL Veltar. Whenever he left a camp alone, and they saw him disappear into the distance, I would drop invisibility and run over. One particularly level headed enchanter tried to land both root AND mez on me, but ended up screaming and running as I, immune to both, chased him back across the zone line to FV.

I just know he's coming back, so I stand in the cave about 20 feet from the zone line and just walk back and forth until I hit the walls - perfectly emulating a pathing glitch as I wait for my new friend.

He zones back in, screams, and immediately zones back out. Giggling like a loon, I wait there, happily doing the dance of glitchy-goodness.

A few moments pass before the Enchanter zones back in and stares at me nervously for a while, before very cautiously turning invisible. It was a pretty good trick, but I could still see him.

"I can still see you, you know." I point out helpfully.

"WTF ..r u a GM?" Comes the glib response.

"No. I'm Vetlar. Booga booga." I reply, adding my now trademark Booga Booga for emphasis.

"y r ppl running frm u?" The Enchanter asks suspiciously.

"I have cold sores." I point out sadly.

"VETLAR is at ENTRANCE and a NOOB" The Enchanter calls to the zone - hurting my feelings.

"Well..that wasn't very nice." And I say in a hurt voice as I turn invisible seconds before a few other players come running over.

"u kill him?" A warrior asks my friend as he looks around for a corpse.

"Yeah he was easy" The Enchanter replies! What a liar! I am NOT easy!

"sweet what did he drop?" The warrior, obviously impressed by the Enchanter's leet ME killing skills asks.

Before the Enchanter can respond another player running DAMN fast ZOOMS by and zones with the REAL Veltar fast on his heels. The Warrior attacks Veltar and dies almost instantly as the Chanter..and I'm not making this up..walks up and HAILS him.

I flinch and turn away as Veltar pounds him into the ground. Two toons are dead, and I'm starting to feel kinda bad so I slam a gate potion and head back home.

The second I zone I receive a private message from the very dead Enchanter.

"how did u kill me?!?!?" He asks angrily.

"booga booga" I reply cryptically.

"NO. SERIOUS. HOW DID U PK ME?!?!1" He asks again with lots of punctuation and the number one.

"It wasn't me." I admit sheepishly.

"YES it was I see ur name." he tells me...

"No, that's VELTAR, my brother. I'm VETLAR. Scroll up through your messages, you'll see." I instruct in my normal helpful way.

"DUDE UR brother is a JERK." he states flatly, and I can't help but agree.

"Tell HIM that. In fact, tell him you are going to report him for PKing. I've warned him but he won't listen to me." I say, taking HIS side in this.

"Oh, but walk up and hail him, the JERK has tells turned off." I add wondering how stupid this guy REALLY is.

"kk thx i will" Come the reply from him as he stomps off to have an angry word with Veltar.

Gods I love my job.


To read the latest guides, news, and features you can visit our EverQuest II Game Page.

Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016