Where's Columbus when you need him?

By: Kiara

Ah yes, another day in the life of, well... me.

So. I get lost. Like a lot. Like all the time. We're talking paper sack, GPS, compass, map, flashlight, and sherpa kind of lost. Now, I could chalk this up to being directionally challeneged. Or say it's SOE's fault for making the game all maze like and junk. But who are we kidding? My downfall? Auto-follow.

There's a warning in EQ1. Something about how having auto-follow on around cliffs, or lava, or basically anything more than two feet high could be dangerous. There isn't such a warning in EQ2. And there really should be. Just for people like me.

In addition to being perpetually lost, I am also ultimately lazy. If I'm not actively healing, debuffing, or whatever else it is for which I'm useful, I'm watching TV, reading, or some other activity. This is why auto-follow is my friend. It enables me to do these things and not get left behind because I'm not paying attention when the group moves.

There is an inherent flaw in my logic of course. Auto-follow doesn't always work. There are corners, trees, tables, or anyone of a million other obstacles upon which someone can scrape you off and lose you. This, of course, leads to death. The mockery is something I've learned to deal with.

Members of my group/guild are frequently asking the eternal question: "Kiara, are you on auto-follow?" To which, naturally, I reply: "Noooo...." For some reason, they never believe me.

My penchant for auto-following has led to one of the more enduring inside jokes amongst guildmates and friends. This pertains particularly to the part about cliffs and anything over two feet high. You see, I fall. Even when I'm NOT on auto-follow. However, it all started because of auto-follow.

Desert of Flames is filled with cliffs and other hazards for a lazy Dark Elf. One night, we were meandering through the Pillars and getting into trouble, and someone directed my attention away from the game. (Incidently, I continue to swear that it is this person's fault that I began falling in the first place.) Rather than spend the couple of short minutes said person expected, I was rather thoroughly distracted and came back to find my dead body piled at the bottom of a cliff. Every bone in my body broken, bleeding, pancake-like... The whole nine yards.

Unfortunately, what should have been a fluke, has turned into a rather common occurance. It's like once it happened, I became jinxed. It is now inevitable, that should I be anywhere near anything high from which I can fall and die, I will invariably do so. Oh, and it's never quiet or unnoticable. Nooooooo. That would be too nice. Because Fate hates me, I will always fall spectacularly to my death in the most embarassing possible fashion while grouped or in a raid.

I've become a verb. A frelling VERB. Someone takes a dive off an island in Kingdom of Sky? "Oh hey, you pulled a Kiara, didn't you?" Bastards. No love. You'd think someone might have told them that pissing off the healer isn't really smart. But noooooo.

So, not only do my friends (and I use the term loosely) enjoy killing me and making fun of my armour, they also do their level best to catch me falling, or auto-following. I've yet to be purposefully killed while auto-following... But I assure you that it is NOT for lack of trying on the part of the people who love me.

With friends like those... I think I'll go try and solo Nagafen. At least he calls the next morning.

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Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016