The Goat MMO Simulator TTH Experience

By Patsy Anderson -
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If you missed it, then you didn't get to see Kevin Christopher and myself livestreaming Goat MMO Simulator, the free DLC that launched today for Goat Simulator. While the game itself isn't free, content updates are. This is the second major one for Goat Simulator, which comes with even more absurdity. We had a great deal of fun, and before I dive in to what we did, I'd like to first thank everyone who hung out. Special thanks goes out to Skylatron! She had to find wifi to leech so she could help us get everything set up. We learned a lot, mostly about how to be complete newbs at streaming, but it was hella fun. Kevin Christopher, who has never played Goat Simulator before, also learned the beauties of being a goat.

As I almost too excitedly wrote about on Monday, today is Patch 1.2, aka the MMO patch, for Goat Simulator. Coffee Stain Studios continues to be the best thing to have happened to my lackluster, goatless life, and I thank them for it. But, is this the thing we've always needed in MMOs? Well, yes and no. So, we'll just give it a maybe. This is another thing we learned today, but we'll get to that later. First, let's talk about the classes. I mistakenly said that there was a Rogue class, but I was super wrong. Turns out, this won't be the only thing I was wrong about this week, and we're only talking about Goat Simulator here. Kevin Christopher, later rewatching the stream, realized that if he bothered listening to me, he could have also learned a few things. Oh, well. Maybe he learned something in his rewatch. You, too, can view this in its entire glory, which will be embedded somewhere near the end of this ranty write up.

Ain't no class like a classless goat.

One thing that really confused my friend, coworker, and trolling partner is that I kept on talking about how I switched to the Rouge class. He eventually caught on and asked if I was making fun of things. I mean, we pretty much have entire conversations where we try to out-bullshit each other and see who can troll who better. It's probably not the healthiest sign of affection, but some friendships just don't need to be healthy. I finally explained to him that no, I'm calling the class by its actual name. You see, it's Coffee Stain who is here making fun of the people who can't spell Rogue right. I think I also got a good troll from them, because I couldn't figure out how to apply makeup with the goat. Hey, they said the class can do that. Maybe that, too, is some simulation.

Apply makeup liberally goat.

I hung out with Hunter S Thompsgoat a ton before the stream.

Kevin Christopher's introductory goat.

But this is probably Kevin Christopher's favorite goat.

But the award for the most absurd class goes to the not goat.

Speaking of simulations, here's another thing I was wrong about on Monday. This isn't the MMO update for Goat Simulator. What I, and plenty of others, failed to notice here is Coffee Stain's choice of word order here. Goat MMO Simulator is pretty key. Goat Simulator MMO would be a whole different story. Luckily, when I realized that this patch wouldn't be available until 1p ET, I decided to spend my time reading about the game I couldn't play yet. My game was wiped when I reinstalled my OS, I didn't feel like starting over, so I didn't sit around playing the base game waiting for 1.2 to hit. Also, don't be fooled by the local multiplayer/co-op option, because it's not what you think. We tried. You see, Kevin Christopher and myself are on completely opposite ends of the U.S., so we couldn't realistically do a local multiplayer. We tried to spoof it with VPN, but even with that, we couldn't invite each other to games. Come to find out, the local option is super duper local. What this means is, two people can now play on a split screen, if they're both on the same computer. One person can use the mouse and keyboard while the other uses a gamepad. So, that option was out.

My next idea, while we're futsing around with all of this, was to simulate an MMO stream. I mean, if we're playing an MMO simulation, why not continue that simulation to the livestream. Makes so much sense, right? Apparently we didn't coordinate that well enough, though, since pretty close to the beginning that rouse was given up. I'm still giving Kevin Christopher a hard time about that one. We were going to talk about how we couldn't find each other because we were both in different starting areas. Someone asked if it really was an MMO, and it was all downhill from there. We both did play for an hour, we had fun, and we got to hear about Skylatron on a bus with a stripper pole built into it. These things you can't make up. Speaking of making up, I was asked if I'd be interested in creating guides to Goat MMO Simulator. This is back when we thought this might actually be a real MMO, though. Now, I'm left wondering if I should figure things out and write real guides, or if I should just write guide simulations. I totally have the MS Paint skills for that. I started taking real notes when I was playing before the stream, but the way you get so absurdly offtrack, it's like a cat playing a game. It's just easy to get distracted, end up in another area, and not get anything done. I spent most of my time on the stream today following one single dude around.

Oh, and a word to the wise [OMG THIS MIGHT BE A SPOILER OK SORRY TO RUIN YOUR STORY], don't take McSlowpants' quest. Just don't. If you do watch the livestream, you can hear me talk about how I'm doing that guy's quest. Then you can hear about how I'm still doing it. And still doing it. Hell, I'm sure if I didn't log out, I'd still be on that fesking quest. At least I'd be getting plenty of sweet XP, because standing around in game automatically gives you XP. Because Coffee Stain built a really good simulation, you get to do absurd things like witness dumb things in chat, complete quests, earn achievements and win fake loot. Also, you get to do the most obnoxious escort quest you've ever seen. You can drag McSlowpants around (press E to lick him and stick him to your tongue) and throw him in your inventory to carry him around (press 1 if he's stuck to your tongue). He walks slow. So slow. Slower than any NPC in any MMO you've ever played. The slowest. He wants to walk forever down the road and go to an inn. If you release him at a bad point, he'll just walk into a wall and keep walking into that wall. He completed his objective and then walked back to his tent, on the other side of the area, without doing anything. I followed him back, being sure to complain the whole time. Back at his tent, I got the achievement, but the quest hasn't updated yet. I suspect this is a part of how the game was intentionally designed and isn't one of those hilarious bugs left in on purpose. Personally, I want to throat punch McSlowpants. Not to mention, I should have known better.

Overall, Goat MMO Simulator is a good MMO experience. It has everything you'd expect at the beginning of MMO play. You see other goat “players” around, there's constant chatter in general chat happening, people are linking items (that you can't click on because of the mouse lock) and you can press I for inventory. There's areas to explore, which you can see on your mini-map, but not an actual map to look at. There are other “players” to PvP, as well. They're pretty much just other NPCs, but goats with names of characters. I got to kill the fake Kevin Christopher, which was a nice addition.

You'll also find a lot of cultural references that are specific to gaming culture. When Kevin Christopher was rewatching the stream, he realized that the town he kept talking about (which included his favorite area – a secret door to hell/cow level) was a not so subtle nod to Diablo. There are already obvious nods to World of Warcraft, as well, as seen in the patch notes. They mention that you can now achieve level 101, one level higher than that other game. I can't wait to clock in more time with this patch to see what else I can run into.

Fast travel in game is via catapult.

So, while this might not be the actual Goat Simulator MMO we've been waiting, hoping, and begging for, Goat MMO Simulator is a pretty great substitution. While Coffee Stain didn't give me exactly what I wanted, what they did give us is still pretty awesome. I'll continue to be excited about Goat MMO Simulator and anything else they update this awesomely dumb game with. Sad you missed our livestream? Make sure you follow us on Twitch and Twitter so you don't have to sit through YouTube recaps ever again!

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About The Author

Patsy "Vendolyn" Anderson
Vendolyn's been playing MMOs since 1999, although Vendolyn in-game often becomes a long-term shelved alt. When she's not gaming, she's likely marathoning some questionable TV show or babbling about music to no end. She really likes goats.

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