MMO Player Quits Game, No One Cares

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Updated Fri, Dec 05, 2008 by JoBildo

On Friday, November 28th of 2008 Ronald “Pwncakes” Esterhouse logged out of a largely popular online role-playing game for the last time. He emptied out his vendor trash one last time, taunted the people in general chat with a tear in his eye, and then exited the client.

I quit!

The game in question (kept hidden to protect those involved in this scandal) had broken Ronald’s heart with a recent patch that altered his class’ mechanics significantly.

“It’s as if [the developers] didn’t listen to every angry post I made on the official forums,” Pwncakes said in an interview with Ten Ton Turnip. “Maybe they weren’t reading my daily blog complaints, or the e-mails I repeatedly sent customer service.” Indeed it seemed that [the developers] simply did not care what crazy demands Mr. Esterhouse was making.

After cancelling his account, and filling out the requisite questionnaire on the game’s website, Ronald proceeded to the game’s official forums to voice his goodbyes in an official manner. Here is his post, in its entirety:

“Dear [Players of this game], [your game] sucks and you all suck at it. This recent patch is a slap to the face, and I am certain that I could design it better were I given the chance. I am off to play something made by people who are more competent than the monkeys who made this game, and populated by players who don’t suck so much. I will never come back to this stupid game again.

Yours truly,
Pwncakes”

Mr. Esterhouse was amazed when he sat refreshing page on his browser repeatedly for over an hour, and not one person replied to his post even after he “bumped” it to the top of the listings with clever phrases such as “bump-a-rewski” and “bumpity-bump-bump.” So now Ronald’s character sits unused on the game’s servers. His account is dormant for the foreseeable future, and the adventures of Pwncakes seem all but finished. When questioned what events would need to take place for him to make a return to the game in question, Mr. Esterhouse left us with this quote:

“What’s that? Has a patch come? There’s a new quest-line to do? This other game’s not that great… maybe I should resubscribe? Should I re-subscribe? I never I said I’d never re-subscribe. If I did, it was just my passion for the game. I love that game. I would never say it’s bad. I’ll be right back; I’ve got to go get a time-card from the game store. Help yourself to some soda while I’m gone.”

Indeed, the will of Mr. Esterhouse is a mighty beast.