Guide to Pipe-weed

By Anna “Morvelaira” Dotson

*A rather small and bookish human woman makes her way to the front of a crowded lecture hall. She deposits several bags of leaves and a few books upon a table next to the main podium.*

Ahem…

*She perches a pair of spectacles on her nose and begins to lecture.*

As the Great Mad Baggins once wrote, “In fact, it has been remarked by some that a Hobbit’s only real passion is for food. A rather unfair observation, as we have also developed a keen interest in the brewing of ales, and the smoking of pipe-weed.” It is that keen interest in pipe-weed that I am here to speak to you about today! And I can assure you, my gentle readers, that this habit is not one only enjoyed by Hobbits, but has spread amongst the other Free Peoples. (Reports of Creeps also enjoying this pastime have so far, safely, gone unconfirmed by this researcher.)

To be a great connoisseur of pipe-weed, you must know where your leaf comes from. Obviously, all leaf comes from your local farmers. However, it is not so simple a thing as just planting seed in the ground and getting a superior plant. A farmer must take care in tending his fields, like he does always, but the best pipe-weed comes only from an extensive plant breeding program. A program such as this will take many generations of cross-breeding plants, and incorporate some of the rarest strains of pipe-weed.

Here then is what I’ve found to be the best practice method for achieving fine pipe-weed to smoke.

*The lecturer points out several bags of leaf.*

The pipe-weeds of the Apprentice tier are all what we call “pure strains”. These all grow naturally and on their own, and do not have to be cross bred to produce them. Of these varieties, the most readily available are Longbottom Leaf, Rushlight, and Southlinch. Sweet Lobelia is also of the Apprentice tier, but the seeds for it are only found upon the bodies of orcs and goblins. (This phenomenon is what causes this researcher to suspect a creep interest in pipe-weed.)

The Journeyman tier is where things begin to get interesting. Here you can buy your first two cross-breeding recipes. Cross-breeding is a process by which you grow two different types of seeds together, hoping that they will create a new, third kind. Keep in mind that any cross-breeding for a particular tier will be using seeds from the previous one. Your pure varieties here are Southern Star, and Hornblower, which comes from the orcs and the goblins. The two cross-breed varieties are Muddy Foot, which is a cross between Longbottom Leaf and Sweet Lobelia, and Tightfield Choice, which is a cross between Southlinch and Rushlight.

In the Expert tier, while there are some pure varieties available, you begin cross-breeding cross-breeds with pure varieties instead of two pures. Pure varieties are Shire Sweet-leaf, Sweet Galenas, and Old Toby. Old Toby, while a favorite among Hobbits, is a jealously guarded secret, and as such its seeds can only be found amongst the monsters of the world. Also, a special note about Shire Sweet-leaf, it is in special demand beyond the world of smoking because of its uses as a component for Lore-master spells. If ever there was a pipe-weed that could be considered a staple crop, this is it. The cross-breed variants for this tier are Dragon’s Breath, which is a cross between Southern Star and Muddy Foot, and Roper’s Twist, a combination between Tightfield Choice and Hornblower.

Pipe-weed
Various Pipe-weed can be used to creat an assortment of smoke shapes.

 

 

By the Artisan tier, there are no more pure varieties, though they are still used in cross-breeding. Eagle’s Nest is a cross between Sweet Galenas and Dragon’s Breath. Gamwich Braid is a cross between Roper’s Twist and Old Toby. Have you all seen the pattern yet?

Up until now, we have two discernable lines of cross breeding. One mixes the readily available pure varieties with the results of that line, while the other keeps adding in those seeds that are rare, either from secrets or possible development on the creepier side of life. And now, in the Expert tier (because this takes an expert, believe me), we combine those two lines into the ultimate pipe-weed… Wizard’s Fire. I know, with a name like that, I’d expect it to be a Lore Master component as well. Perhaps they will find a use for it one day.

That is all for today class! Join us next time for the fun of pipe-weed smoking.

 

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Last Updated: Mar 29, 2016

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