Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

Change is inevitable in the MMO gaming world, and with such change comes glorious patch notes. Why go through them alone when you can have others punish themselves by analyzing everything? Coyote and RadarX have examined all the important patch notes finding everything mock worthy. That's all that really counts right?

Ward of Elements: A brand new level 80 two-group raid instance has been added! This zone is balanced for players without a proliferation of raid gear, and should provide an exciting challenge to any group of 12! The first six bosses can be tackled in any order, and provide fantastic fabled loot with brand new armor sets upgraded from the tier 2 void shard sets, complete with new appearances! You can find it in Lavastorm beneath the Hollow Tower and Deep Forge.

RadarX: I've actually been in the zone on Test and I have to say the 5 feet I got before I had my Spleen pulled out through my eye socket was breath taking. Bonus points here for the use of "proliferation" in a sentence not referring to nuclear weapons.

Coyote: Personally I’m disgusted that they’d even mention proliferation in a game where KIDS play. Kids having kids? Not cool. And bringing up that they can proliferate just encourages them. Jesus, think of the CHILDREN.

RadarX: Next thing you know we’ll have proliferation being handed out in schools. It’s also good to see the elevator in Lavastorm really DOES have a reason to go to the third floor, not just to humiliate the people who fell to the bottom.

Coyote: Yeah, you fall down there and you’re proliferated. HARD.

Lavastorm: Lots of brand new content has been added in this classic zone. Almost all of the population has be re-tiered for solo players, with a brand new level 45 to 55 quest line with the industrious…but rather insane Sootfoot goblins. Brand new void invaded areas also feature new level 80 solo quests. Additionally, a solo-able daily shard quest had been added as well as lots of brand new mount paths and teleporters to make traversing the zone much easier!

RadarX: The 40-55 is really well done. This was hands down one of the most annoyingly difficult zones to play. I'm interested in how they are going to manage the mob of people trying to do the daily solo shard quest.

Coyote: I don’t go there, and not even the lure of new content can make me. The whole place smells like burnt goblin ass.

RadarX: But it’s now more friendly goblin ass wi…ok yeah I can see that isn’t going to end well, but I gotta ask: How do you know what burnt goblin ass smells like?

Coyote: I got drunk once in college…and I was curious and…

RadarX: Yup. Knew I’d regret it.

Coyote: I didn’t. For a smoldering member of the Unseelie court, he was surprisingly gentle.

Berserker: Cyclone will now improve threat instead of reducing resistibility.

RadarX: A sure sign that the required Anger Management classes aren't working.

Coyote: Nor the “masculinity” classes. I mean what’s a blood crazed warrior without a spinning sparkly attack? Ya plate wearin’ poofters.

RadarX: So let me get this straight… This ability went from something that helps kill the monster to something that REALLY pisses him off?

Coyote: Pretty much. Instead of killing them, it now insults their mother and kicks them in the snarglies. At least we’ll hold aggro better.

Brawler: Crane Flock now has a faster recast time

RadarX: Saying that skill 5 times fast is funny...

Coyote: I flocked a crane once. … … … I was drunk.

RadarX: Just once eh?

Coyote: Yeah, but if you do it right, once is all it takes. Flock me. Flock me HARDER baby!

RadarX: Your therapy bills must be mind-numbing.

Cleric: Allied Prayers will trigger properly if the cleric is casting.

RadarX: Wh...why else would they be triggering? Are people standing around the Broker "Ok..who is triggering Allied Prayers?"

Coyote: How does a prayer trigger IMPROPERLY? “Sorry Tom, my church group was praying for you and your family to keep the house, but McNerny here sneezed halfway through …and..well…genital herpes. Our bad.

RadarX: Maybe an improper triggering is what’s keeping Troubadours from doing more DPS? Right guys? Right?!

Coyote: OooOh. Watch it dude or they’ll ineffectively attack you before shamefully betraying to dirge!

Monk: Mongoose Stance has changed to improve the trigger chance of the monk’s stances.

RadarX: This is much more threatening than Chipmunk Stance.

Coyote: Hehehe. You mean ChipMONK. Hehe. See what I did there?

RadarX: Bada ching! I want to know how you use “multiple stances.” Can you stand like a Tiger and an Elephant at the same time?

Coyote: You can, but you never EVER use snake and rodent. Going asp to mouse is just wrong.

RadarX: Dude. What is WRONG with you?

Improved Meditative Healing to heal up to 40%.

RadarX: This is a pretty big healing boost for Monks. I'm not sure if this is one of those things they "put on hold" with the Tank changes but very nice.

Coyote: How would tank class changes affect a MONK?

RadarX: Monks are tanks too you friggin classist. Sure they might perform as well as a “battle cleric” but they are trying dammit.

Coyote: Yeah. I can see exactly how hard they’re trying. “Here, let me show up to fight a dragon in my f***ing PJ’s!” Hey, Ralph Machio, sweep the leg and then go put on some friggin’ armor.

Paladin: The paladin TSO stance skill enhancements will no longer continually add every update.

RadarX: Instead they'll subtract? Divide? Convert to proper Fractions? Where is the rest of the story!?

Coyote: It’s like we came in halfway through the sentence and missed the important part. “And that is how you avoid flocking a crane!” …what did I miss? WHAT DID I MISS?

RadarX: I…I don’t want to hear the rest of that story.

Coyote: … … …my safe word is “parakeet.”

Shadowknight: Adjusted Shadowknight’s Fury to be an encounter based hate gain to better match their role. A bonus has also been added to threat while reducing the added spell damage.

RadarX: Potentially another mothballed Fighter change but translation: Blah blah Shadowknights still blow.

Coyote: To match their role? So Shadowknight’s Fury isn’t going to be used unless no REAL abilities are available? Hehe.

RadarX: I’d honestly like to see this. Less damage and more hate? “Ha! I’m topping the parse so…oh god! Ah! He has my arm!”

Coyote: Shadowknight or Paladin. It’s like asking if you wanna take a shot to the left nut or the right. Either way, yer probably not gunna enjoy it, unless ya know. Yer into that.