World of Warcraft at Ten Ton Hammer

Kezan

Well you’ve done it. You’ve made it through the tedious job of picking your class, physical appearance, and name relatively unscathed. You’ve hit the “Enter World” button and you’re ready for your Goblin leveling experience. Once your screen loads you find yourself at the Goblin starting point, more precisely KTC Headquarters in Kezan.

Before you begin questing it’s good to note that Goblins come standard with a few racial abilities including;

• Best Deals Anywhere (best possible gold discounts regardless of reputation)

• Better Living Through Chemistry (Alchemy skill increased by 15)

• Rocket Barrage (Launches belt rockets at an enemy causing fire damage)

• Rocket Jump (Activates rocket belt to jump forward)

• Time is Money  (1% increase to attack and casting speed)

Directly before you is a pretty little Goblin named Sassy Hardwrench, who will provide you with your first quest; “Taking Care of Business“. You’ll find out quickly that when Goblins say take care of business they obviously mean it. Sassy wants you to overthrow Trade Prince Gallywix, but in order to get a promotion you must first prove yourself by doing quite a few tasks.



The first of these requires you to speak with Foreman Dampwick to see if you can get production flowing at the Kaja’mine. Use your map to find Foreman Dampwick at the end of the ramp just outside KTC Headquarters. Once your quest is turned in you will gain around 10 experience and Foreman Dampwick will assign you to two more tasks; “Trouble in the Mines” and “Good Help is Hard to Find“.

“Trouble in the Mines” will have you slaughtering 8 Tunnel Worms who are currently eating the valuable Kaja’Cola. While “Good Help is Hard to Find” will require you to keep the work going by disciplining 8 Defiant Troll slaves utilizing your super duper All-In-1-Der Belt. Head down to the mines as marked on your map and get to work! To discipline one of those pesky trolls, right click on one that is currently not doing any work and your belt will take care of the rest.

Tunnel Worms provide around 50 experience each at level 1 and killing your needed 8 should easily boost you into level 2. I personally finished this portion of the quest first, so I killed an extra few Tunnel Worms while completing Good Help is Hard to Find. Extra experience is never a bad thing. After you have finished both quests return to Foreman Dampwick and receive your rewards plus around 80 experience for each quest and you will be assigned to return to the mines to collect some of the very valuable Kaja’Cola and will also receive a glimpse of things to come. You are in the mood for a party right?


Head back to the mines and collect 5 Kaja’Colas which can be found in the large open area outside as well as inside the mines. Once completed the Kaja’Cola goes back to Sassy inside the KTC Headquarters where you will receive another 80 experience. As soon as the quest is turned in new quests will become available from Sassy and Chip Endale (Blizzard has certainly not lost their sense of humor). Sassy wants you to send a message to several deadbeats who owe money in a quest called “Do It Yourself” while Chip Endale gently suggests that perhaps you should maybe attempt some new attire for the upcoming party in “The New You“.

Head outside and you will find Megs Dreadshredder who has another quest waiting for you called “Cruising“. And right from the start this quest sounds promising. “Cruising” gives you access to a Hot Rod, which will be your time in Kezan. But like most things gaining the Hot Rod requires you to complete another task - pick up three of your friends around town. Hop on in your newly acquired transportation and acquaint yourself with the Hot Rods three abilities.

The Hot Rod comes standard with three basic abilities, all of which are fun, one of which is actually useful. The first ability - Punch It - increases your speed by 50% and as such you will probably find yourself hitting this as often as possible. The second ability on the bar is Honk Horn, which is pretty self explanatory, as is the third ability; Radio. To top off the fact you have a fancy new ride, all three of your current quests can be completed while your cruising around Kezan.

The first place you should visit is the First Bank of Kezan, where you can pick up some Macaroons for the quest “The New You”. On the way there make a quick stop off at Kajaro Field where you will find another quest waiting for you from Coach Crosscheck called “The Replacements” which asks you to pick up 8 replacement parts strewn all over Kezan. You will also pick up your first friend for “Cruising”, not to mention you will gain quite a bit of discovery experience while driving around.

Continue on to the bank picking up any replacement parts that you see. Once you arrive waltz right in and demand your money. No really hop to the head of the rather long line and talk to one of the clerks to get your Macaroons. Don’t worry about leaving your vehicle, any friends you have picked up along the way will hop right back into your Hot Rod once it’s re-summoned. Once turned in you will receive a whopping 250 experience and regain the quest “The New You” except this time with instructions to buy some Shiny Bling.

Before you go buy yourself a sexy new outfit you should probably finish your dirty work by heading over to Drudgetown to collect the debts for “Do It Yourself”. Don’t forget to keep picking up any replacement parts you find along the way! The debtors are easy to find as they have Hunters Mark arrows above their heads, but be warned the debtors will be none to cooperative when you ask them to pay up.

Once you have collected all four debts, check the map and pick up any of your friends you have not picked up so far, while stopping to collect all three of the pieces for your new outfit along the way. Once all of the quests are completed turn them in for some uber experience that will easily boost you right into level 3. Don’t forget to talk to your class trainer at this point to gain access to some new skills and abilities.

‘The Replacements” is the only quest that chains out of this bunch. Once turned in Coach Crosscheck will offer you the quest “Necessary Roughness” which will place you in a huge steel vehicle which you previously collected the parts for. The object of the quest is rather entertaining as you get to bomb 8 of the robots that march towards you. Aim with the right mouse button and fire by pressing 1 or by manually clicking the fire button.

When finished turn in the quest to gain 320 experience (which should take you to level 4) and pick up the last quest in the chain, “Fourth and Goal”.  Once accepted you will be thrust once again into the steelbot, and this time you are asked to throw a ball between two steel pipes. After you succeed the ground starts shaking, which we can assume is probably not a good thing.

When turning in the quest along with gaining 320 experience, you find out that the shaking ground is definitely not a good thing. In fact it’s a really super bad thing. It seems you may have accidentally hit Mount Kajaro and it’s going to explode. Awesome. Despite your slight boo boo Coach Crosscheck still wants you to head back to Sassy to tell her of your Footbomb victory. Maybe she won’t notice constant earthquakes…

Announcing your victory to Sassy gives you an extra 25 experience and opens up another quest from Chip Endale “Life of the Party”. “Life of the Party” requires you to well...be the life of your own promotion party. So throw on your fancy new clothes and bling bling and get ready to party at the KTC Headquarters pool.

Once you arrive at the pool your goal is to impress 15 party guests by fulfilling their wishes. You can find out these wishes by clicking on them and checking their debuff or paying attention to the chat bubbles above their heads. Since you have already put on your new outfit you have probably noticed that your ability bar has changed. Familiarize yourself with it as it contains all you need to fulfill your guest’s whims. Simply select a guest and respond with the correct button.

Turn in “Life of the Party” to Sassy for 320 experience and pick up the quest “Pirate Party Crashers”. Apparently your party has gained the attention of some unwanted guests, and in order to save your career you need to do something about them. Take out 12 of your uninvited guests and return to Sassy for 550 experience and a startling revelation. Sassy believes the current Trade Prince is behind the disturbances at your party. Head upstairs to speak with him.

Instead of an epic confrontation you are instead presented with a rather bad situation. The volcano is (finally) exploding, and Gallywix has a ship that could be your ticket to survival, but of course there is a small catch. Gallywix wants you to bring him a bazillion macaroons to secure your place on his ship. Speak with Sassy to open up several quests, and from Goblins in the nearby vicinity who all have ideas how you can come up with the money, you should also ding level 5 or be close to it. Pick up “Waltz Right In”, “The Great Bank Heist”, “Robbing Hoods”, and “Liberating the Kaja’mite” and get to money making!


“Liberating the Kaja’mite” sends you back into the mines once again. To complete the quest find one of  big sparkly Kaja’mite veins and toss one of the bombs provided to you at it. Once you have blown it up collect the chunks of Kaja’mite your blast has created. While collecting Kaja’mite beware the Rebellious Trolls who have made a bid for freedom in the chaos the volcano is creating. Collect 15 Kaja’mite chunks to complete the quest.


Head out of the mines and bust out your Hot Rod for “Robbing Hoods”. Enter the city proper and you will find Hired Looters everywhere. You need to collect their stolen loot in a rather unorthodox way; by running them over, you never even have to get out of the car. This quest is definitely on my list of top 10 quests of all time. While running over the 20 required Hired Looters, make your way towards the bank.

Once inside you will need to break into a bank vault in order to complete “The Great Bank Heist”. Thankfully your belt does most of the hard work, all you need to do is do exactly what it tells you do to until the vault breaking bar (right side of your vehicle U.I.) hits 100%. Push the wrong button and the percentage goes down. Gain your personal riches and get yourself out of there.

Assuming you have already taken out all your Hired Looters that leaves us with “Waltz Right In”. For this quest you’ll need to search your bags for your Mook Disguise that you received when accepting the quest. Head to Gallywix’s Villa on the far northwest of the zone, pop your disguise and walk on in, but avoid the pigs as they can smell through the disguise. The loot can be found in the two smaller buildings and in the main villa and are marked on your map. Once you have grabbed the loot head back to headquarters to turn in all four quests. Each quest rewards 550 experience each and should easily level you to level 6.

Speak with Sassy again to get the bad news that despite all your hard work you haven’t quite come up with enough money to buy your way out of a fiery death. Don’t worry though Sassy has a plan in the quest titled “447” in the form of your everyday basic insurance fraud. Sassy has loaded up the place with fireworks, you just need to make sure the thing blows up good and proper like.

Go inside and overload the generator, turn on the leaky gas stove, and drop a cigar on the bed to ensure that you do it right the first time, then head back outside to activate the Gasbot Control Panel for what promises to be an explosion of epic proportions. Speak to the Claims Adjuster to gain 550 experience and collect your insurance money.

You finally have enough money to get yourself off this cursed island. Speak with Sassy again and she’ll inform you that it’s well past time to go. To be sure she doesn’t get left behind she takes the driver’s seat and after a rather bumpy ride you finally make it to the place of your salvation; the Trade Prince’s yacht. Turn in your life savings to Gallywix and get the unpleasant news that not only is he confiscating your Hot Rod, but you are now his slave. At least you’ll make it to Azeroth right?