I'm sort of a culinary snob when it comes food preparation. I constantly seek out ways to expand my small kitchens culinary pedigree with perhaps a new pot or pan every 12 to 48 months, when such of a time as my previous pan has been warped to the ground through my horrible mishandling of it. Just so that you know, you shouldn't take red hot pans and wash them, or have really high heat on the pan for a very long time with an electric stove (I dream of the day that I can use a gas stove). 

With that said, it's important to understand that there is a time in each and everyone of our lives where we have to put aside something - food snobbery. When you're playing a game, say, the upcoming Witcher III release or raiding in WoW or doing something that no other mortal can bother you about while you're doing it, then you need to have focus and determination. 

Senpai will never notice you if your dedication waivers. 

Yet, there are times when warm, fresh, delicious cookies are required. Perhaps you just lost your roll on some epic loot or someone just ninja looted it (those bastards). Perhaps you just want something warm and comforting to remind you that yes, you currently still exist in the physical world, and you're not some 5'4" half elf half demon attempting to save the world one blade strike at a time. 

The solution is very simple: cookies. Warm, hot, and fresh cookies. Now, the problem with cookies is that they require a lot of mixing of things that are probably too complicated to pull off while you're facing the virtual world's greatest threats. Now, you can make the batter and keep it in the fridge, but let's face it: no one reading (or writing) this is that much of an adult to pre-plan the desire for some hot, fresh, and warm cookies. 

To that extent, my recipe for delicious and amazing homemade cookies involves the following: 

  • 1 Box of Premade pre-formed cookie dough. 
  • Whatever sprinkles you bought when you bought the cookie dough (you bought sprinkles right? you didn't, oh well). 

Now, step one is to run to the oven very quickly and cut it on then run back to the computer. Now, hopefully, you don't forget your oven is on. The next second you get a break, quickly open the package of the preformed cookies and throw them on a cookie sheet. Don't have a cookie sheet? Use some aluminum foil. Don't have aluminum foil? 

Well, see our backup plan. 

Now, run to the PC. Odds are that these cookies are probably going to finish within 10 minutes. So you'll need to be fast, because overcooking them is lame. When the timer goes off, run to the oven and open it, cutting it off. If you can't pull it out of the oven safely, just forget them in there for now. If you know you won't have time to pull them out, a pro-tip here is to just leave them in the oven with the door open and do it before they're finished cooking. This will let them finish as the hot air escapes the oven. 

When you are ready, remove the cookies from the oven and then eat them. 

There you have it everyone. Please praise me with my genius ways of cooking food and being stuck to the computer at the same time. 

Or don't I mean, really, thinking about this, it's kind of lame (even though I have literally done this before). 

Emergency Backup Plan 

So you don't have any tools to bake cookies, that's fine, order pizza. You can usually get cookies or brownies from most pizza places. 

(I have done this too as well).

God Level Cookies

Have a mini-fridge and toaster oven near your computer. You can now bake cookies while at the PC. I haven't done this in fear of knocking a toaster oven over.

(Note, please make sure to put your appliances in very safe places and follow all manufactor directions.)

(This is probably most likely satire.)

(Minus me making cookies while raiding this way.)

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Last Updated: Mar 15, 2016

About The Author

Get in the bush with David "Xerin" Piner as he leverages his spectacular insanity to ask the serious questions such as is Master Yi and Illidan the same person? What's for dinner? What are ways to elevate your gaming experience? David's column, Respawn, is updated near daily with some of the coolest things you'll read online, while David tackles ways to improve the game experience across the board with various hype guides to cool games.