Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles: The Newborn Troll

Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles - Newborn Troll, Angry Baby


Every time a noob asks a simple
question during a long queue, a new troll is born!

The Newborn Troll

Type: Intentional Troll

Habitat: Low-level areas

Description: All trolls are initially forged in the
crucible of boredom and/or frustration. Long queues for group content,
endless waiting for boss mob or resource node respawns, enduring the
inconsiderate behavior of other players for too long - all of these things
contribute to the conception and immediate hatching of a fresh Newborn

Not all trolls start out as rude, ignorant trouble-makers. Many of them
begin their careers as earnest players taking their first steps into a new
world, only to be confronted by the overwhelming and disappointing
realities of his situation. Perhaps he chose the wrong class and isn't
enjoying it. Perhaps the community turns out to be far less supportive
than he had hoped for. Perhaps he has just come to the realization that
the game he has spent hours playing actually really sucks. Regardless, at
some point, the Newborn Troll is hatched from the egg of bitterness and
resentment and loosed upon the game world. 

Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles - Newborn Troll, Baby Troll Cussing


The Newborn Troll's first words are
invariably foul and horribly crude.

Typical behavior of the Newborn Troll includes the following:

  • Blurting out strings of cuss-words as though discovering this sort of
    language for the very first time
  • Crude attempts at being hilariously glib and unhelpful, e.g.:

    Guy 1 - "How do I win this tough fight? What's
    the strategy?"

    Newborn Troll - "Don't die."
  • General hostility and rudeness to most other players, but without the
    usual savvy wit and humorous panache of a seasoned troll. 
  • Does not usually utilize internet or game-specific memes as part of
    his trolling repertoire.
  • Randomly picking fights with other players for trivial reasons, and
    using laughably crude methods to try to force a reaction.

It is essentially pointless to engage with a Newborn Troll. Arguments
cannot possibly be "won" against someone who truly doesn't care about the
outcome. This is a person who has reached a snapping point, who needs to
vent frustration or alleviate boredom, and who no longer really cares
about unwritten social rules or intelligent discourse. Instead, give the
Fresh Troll a wide berth, and try to avoid any actions that will only
serve to feed his cynicism and schadenfreude.

It is possible that the Newborn Troll may "grow out of" his trolling
phase and revert back into a normal player once the cause of the initial
snapping point has been remedied. But this type of player is prone to
relapse whenever he becomes bored or frustrated again. These players are
often weeded out within the first handful of low-level zones, whereupon
they move on to other games, and they are not usually encountered in
mid-level zones. However, they may pop up again in elder-game zones. This
may, in fact, be the first time a player is driven into a troll frenzy:
when confronted with the inevitable end-game gear grind and progression

Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016