Geralt is a f'n tank and I can't stand it. I have so many hours put into the game that it's stupid at this point and every time I want to do anything, all I can think about is a M4 Sherman making its approach to Germany. Sure, it has a lot of firepower, but turning that around is a mission and a half, one of the reasons for its obvious success is that it didn't turn away from the battle - something that Geralt needs to do sometimes. 

Geralt drives like a car with one of the rotors jammed, you can go straight but moving in any other direction is going to be hell and a half. The problem, the big problem here, the major huge big problem right here, is that it's console controls. Batman, it's okay, because in Batman you don't need an ounce of finesse. You don't, you're dealing with simple combat and simple mechanics. The stealth is the most important aspect and even Batman has a turning radius below 180 degrees. 

Tractors in farm simulator operate better than Geralt's feet, capable of turning sometimes on a 0-point radius, thanks to advances in farming technology. Geralt... he can't pick a single flower without having to do fly around as if you're waiting to land your Cessna at the local airport but some dude's having difficulties with his gyrocopter - amature. 

Geralt, a grumpy old man who can't pick flowers even though it's literally his favorite thing, is part of a game with more bugs than I could ever count. Crashes, horses floating in the air, quests that bug to a dead stop, and is pretty much Ubisoft's Assassin's Creed Unity ALL OVER AGAIN. The key difference is that people hate Ubisoft but are totally much more lenient with CD Projekt Red. 

There is a plethora of reasons why, so many that I ran out of fingers and toes, but for the most part let's just say that horses could fly, characters would jump and spin, and you could reach hard quest stops that required a reset - unacceptable for most games. However, CDPR gets away with it because for one very good reason: they're nice people who aren't trying to f you over. 

Let's look at Witcher III, even sold by them, has been on a discount (Good 'ol Games (GOG) is part of the CDPR family). They're including a plethora of free "DLC" although I don't specifically see most of it as anything more than small enhancements, it's still very nice of them. There is two DLC missions that you can purchase that were announced far before the game launched and literally have nothing to do with playing through the game at launch. In addition, they've been fixing bugs at rapid pace. 

I'm honestly excited for their Cyberpunk based game coming up in a few years. They've claimed recently it's all Witcher for the next year and a half and that's some dedication - which is a good thing, because even if you're like me and have gotten most of the secondary quests, horse races, and more out of the way - there is still the mods that will likely remake the world in some interesting, hilarious, cute, and awesome ways. 

Anyway, it's fair to say that the game launched with more issues than a cup with holes in the bottom, they've done their absolute best to make the issues mean as little as possible.  

However, no one can fix Geralt's inability to pick flowers in flower picking simulator 2015. Geralt will drive like a broken down Sherman every day for the rest of his life. A sad ending to a great man.


To read the latest guides, news, and features you can visit our The Witcher III: Wild Hunt Game Page.

Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016

About The Author

Xerin 1
Get in the bush with David "Xerin" Piner as he leverages his spectacular insanity to ask the serious questions such as is Master Yi and Illidan the same person? What's for dinner? What are ways to elevate your gaming experience? David's column, Respawn, is updated near daily with some of the coolest things you'll read online, while David tackles ways to improve the game experience across the board with various hype guides to cool games.

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