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$quotes = array("J.R.R. Tolkien once said, \"Not all who wander are lost.\" But they are all looking for www.TenTonHammer.com",
"If true happiness can only be achieved through a state of nothingness, you're going down the right path. If you hit reload you'll continue down that path. We suggest you visit www.TenTonHammer.com instead. True happiness lives there.",
"We've got no idea where you were trying to go, but you can't get there from here. You're lost! Find yourself at www.TenTonHammer.com",
"Hooboy! What exactly is going on here? You've got yourself an Error 404. It must be our new intern's fault. He should have been dispatched to grab the file you were asking for, but instead he's parading around, uttering things like LFG, LOL, or PHP. Maybe he should be uttering www.TenTonHammer.com instead.",
"Woah, what's with the URL? Are you making up words? I like to say quark. Quark! Quark! Quark! Smock is fun to say too. As is www.TenTonHammer.com",
"Pressing the keys on your keyboard or the buttons on your mouse harder has been proven to make the Internet work faster. Try it now, or visit www.TenTonHammer.com");

srand(time());
$random = (rand()%6);
print($quotes[$random]);
?>