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Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles: The Newborn Troll

Posted Fri, Jun 28, 2013 by gunky

Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles: The Newborn Troll
Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles - Newborn Troll, Angry Baby
Every time a noob asks a simple question during a long queue, a new troll is born!

The Newborn Troll

Type: Intentional Troll

Habitat: Low-level areas

Description: All trolls are initially forged in the crucible of boredom and/or frustration. Long queues for group content, endless waiting for boss mob or resource node respawns, enduring the inconsiderate behavior of other players for too long - all of these things contribute to the conception and immediate hatching of a fresh Newborn Troll.

Not all trolls start out as rude, ignorant trouble-makers. Many of them begin their careers as earnest players taking their first steps into a new world, only to be confronted by the overwhelming and disappointing realities of his situation. Perhaps he chose the wrong class and isn't enjoying it. Perhaps the community turns out to be far less supportive than he had hoped for. Perhaps he has just come to the realization that the game he has spent hours playing actually really sucks. Regardless, at some point, the Newborn Troll is hatched from the egg of bitterness and resentment and loosed upon the game world. 

Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles - Newborn Troll, Baby Troll Cussing
The Newborn Troll's first words are invariably foul and horribly crude.

Typical behavior of the Newborn Troll includes the following:

  • Blurting out strings of cuss-words as though discovering this sort of language for the very first time
  • Crude attempts at being hilariously glib and unhelpful, e.g.:
    Guy 1 - "How do I win this tough fight? What's the strategy?"
    Newborn Troll - "Don't die."
  • General hostility and rudeness to most other players, but without the usual savvy wit and humorous panache of a seasoned troll. 
  • Does not usually utilize internet or game-specific memes as part of his trolling repertoire.
  • Randomly picking fights with other players for trivial reasons, and using laughably crude methods to try to force a reaction.

It is essentially pointless to engage with a Newborn Troll. Arguments cannot possibly be "won" against someone who truly doesn't care about the outcome. This is a person who has reached a snapping point, who needs to vent frustration or alleviate boredom, and who no longer really cares about unwritten social rules or intelligent discourse. Instead, give the Fresh Troll a wide berth, and try to avoid any actions that will only serve to feed his cynicism and schadenfreude.

It is possible that the Newborn Troll may "grow out of" his trolling phase and revert back into a normal player once the cause of the initial snapping point has been remedied. But this type of player is prone to relapse whenever he becomes bored or frustrated again. These players are often weeded out within the first handful of low-level zones, whereupon they move on to other games, and they are not usually encountered in mid-level zones. However, they may pop up again in elder-game zones. This may, in fact, be the first time a player is driven into a troll frenzy: when confronted with the inevitable end-game gear grind and progression ladders.

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