Virginia & PARIS,
December 4, 2008 — (NYSE: ERTS) and
(Euronext Paris: VIV) Vivendi Entertainment announced today the signing
of a definitive agreement to purchase Mythic Entertainment from
Electronic Arts for an undisclosed amount. The deal,estimated to be
worth several hundred million dollars, was paid for by an unnamed
Blizzard executive on a personal debit card.
The most convoluted company name of all time.
"Three more major purchases and I get a free tank of gas!" He laughed,
kissing the card before putting it back into his solid gold wallet.
Mythic is one of North America's largest MMOG publishers, and is best
known for it's online games href="http://www.tentonhammer.com/taxonomy/term/39"
target="_blank">Dark Age of Camelot and href="http://warhammer.tentonhammer.com/" target="_blank">Warhammer
Online: Age of Reckoning products. They also hold
the industry rights to terms such as "realm vs realm", "Witch Elf" and
any published images of frenzied Europeans screaming "WAAAGH!" while
rioting chaotically in the streets. Vivendi's interactive entertainment
business which includes Blizzard Entertainment's World of Warcraft is
expected to have over one cagillion dollars in pro forma during the
2008 fiscal year, surpassing eariler and more conservative estimates of
one gagillionfofillion (USD).
Mike Morhaime, President and Chief Executive Officer of Blizzard
stated: "We were talking one day about how we could implement great
ideas into target="_blank">World of Warcraft more
efficiently. Then it occurred to us! Instead of reverse engineering
other peoples ideas, why not just BUY the people who are creating them
and leave out the middleman? They get to join "Team Epic Win"
and we save money in production cost! Sure, some people might
complain about monopolies, but we still have competitors! I mean, look
at games like Runescape and that other one...you know, the one with the
stupid elfy guy and the hat."
Paul Sams, Chief Operation Officer of Blizzard took a much more somber
approach to the merger as he stated: "What? Dude, you're
going to have to speak up. This huge wall of money between us is really
muffling your question. Mythic Entertainment? Oh yeah, that's totally a
solid buy The combined forces of these two great companies will ease
the invasion of China we've been planning with the US government.
That's has been declassified right?" He asks in hindsight before
laughing and waving a dismissing hand. " Eh who cares? All we have to
do is take the servers down and it will wreck havoc across 28 nations.
We have the world by the short and curlies. Hell, we don't even pay
Structure & Terms
Under the terms of the agreement, Mythic games will be merged with
Activision/Blizzard which will then be called Activision, Blizzard,
Mythic, and Rosenbaum (for legal reasons, plus it sounds REALLY
official and lawyer-like so everyone will be too afraid to mess with
them) where not only will consumers find cutting edge videogames but
affordable divorce law and legal advice. In the acquisition Electronic
Arts will be given 200,000 copies of the World of Warcraft expansion
Wrath of the Lich King which retails for slightly more than their
current share price of $28.
Under the new terms General Manager and CEO of Mythic Mark Jacobs will
now report to Paul Sams and will apologize for calling him "a sprinter
and not a marathon runner" in reference to an earlier interview with
Sams and clarify it was not an indication of his personal stamina. He
will also be required to wear the newly created position's offical
uniform which consists mostly of a gimp mask and leather thong.
In further management changes, Warhammer Online Greenskins will now
report to World of Warcraft Orcs, and High Elves from both games will
hold a beauty contest to see which one is merged into the
other. Warhammer Online will also be renamed World of
Warhammercraft Online to further signify its identity as an offical
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