Not satisfied with earning almost $30 million last year, while his staff earn less than 0.01% of his take-home pay, Bobby Kotick decided it was well worth doubling down on his reputation as an evil bastard, by firing 800 Blizzard employees as he made an earnings call to shareholders.

Celebrating Blizzard’s record revenues of almost $8 billion, despite not having shipped a new title, and all their IPs well and truly swirling the toilet bowl, Kotick was more than happy to discuss just how well Activision-Blizzard are doing.

“I know I’m not liked by folks at Blizzard. But you know what? We’re making loads of money and at least we didn’t have to sack more than 800 staff.”

When pressed about the fact they had managed record revenues for the year, but still sacked employees who were considered invaluable to earning that money, Kotick was unphased.

According to Hard Times, staff were rumoured to have received their pink slips in a loot box.

“No one likes me, but I really don’t give a shit. I’m here to nickel and dime gamers to ensure me and our shareholders get richer. If that means some folks lose their jobs, who cares?”

As a last quick question, with Kotick needed on an urgent flight to Las Vegas to celebrate company income with fellow executives and key shareholders, we wanted to know whether it was a wise choice to issue pink slips to staff via loot boxes.

“Honestly, I think the staff enjoyed it. It’s in keeping with our immoral business practices, and made the staff feel comfortable. We even offered some Heroes of the Storm staff the opportunity to re-roll their loot box, just to give them a bit of a better chance of staying on.”

We’ll keep you posted on any developments.


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Last Updated: Feb 13, 2019

About The Author

Lewis is a long standing journalist, who freelances to a variety of outlets.