16 days until the World Cup begins! England plays their first game on the 10th. A game which happens to start at exactly the same time as our board meeting. I may need to take a religious holiday. That or we schedule the meeting in the local pub. The game begins at 9:00 am; coffee with a Guinness chaser seems in order.
Coming up with names for mobs in MMOGs must be a daunting task. There are thousands of different types of mobs in even the smallest MMOG and if inventing what they look like and act like isn't enough work, they need to have names; or do they?
A quick romp through the early levels of World of Warcraft will introduce you in no uncertain terms to Ragged Young Wolves, Burly Rockjaw Troggs, Small Crag Boars, Large Loch Crocolisks, Mangy Mountain Boars, Elder Black Bears and well, I think you see where this is going.
Shouldn't a player be able to tell by looking at an animal that it is mangy? Shouldn't the boar just look shabby, worn, squalid or ragged? Wouldn't that be enough? Can't a black bear just be black? Do we need to ram description into the players' faces by cramming it into the mob names?
In some cases the names don't even make sense. The large crag boar is the same size as the small crag boar. Besides, what is large to a Gnome might be small to a Tauren. Who came up with this system? Who's kidding who?
Have we become so lazy as players that we can't even be bothered to decide for ourselves if a bear is black or a pig is large?
**Switch monitor to super-secret TenTonHammer spy camera ingeniously hidden in a random developer's studio. **
Developer A: The mobs need names. Who has time to dig deep and come up with monikers for these bad boys?
Intern B: I'll name them!
Developer A: Go for it.
Intern C: Hey B, I sent you a link to the TenTonHammer booth babe photos.
Intern B: Giggidy, giggidy, giggidy
Three months later the booth babe photos are our #1 traffic item, but the mobs still are not named. Intern B is introduced to crunch time at which point size and colour become the defining characteristics in giving a mob that will be seen by millions of players a name.
It's either that or:
Developer B: Look here you fat, lazy, colour-blind, cheetos eating, caffeine imbibing miscreant; hand-holding 101 is in session. We'll tell you what colour and what size a mob is. We'll even tell you its disposition. Exhibit A: Elder Enraged Yeti. Now go kill 300 of them and bring me back a pristine pelt. And don't bring back a mangy pelt, even though those look just the same.
Strangely, the elder ones aren't any crankier than the young ones. Yetis that is. Editors are another story.
Questions, comments, donations to the send Boomjack to the World Cup fund? Hit the comment button. Afraid to express yourself in public? Mail me you coward.
Looking for a place that your guild can call home that doesn't run gold ads? Look no further than GuildPortal.com.
What's New On TenTonHammer.com?
Let us entertain you or at the very least waste some of your time at work.05.24.2006
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TenTonHammer.com's E3 2006 Awards
"Ten Ton Hammer is pleased to honor the best and most innovative massively multiplayer online games (MMOs) shown at the 2006 Electronics Entertainment Expo (E3). No one would question the increasing depth of the MMO genre. Some would go so far as to call the MMO market niche "saturated"- but we believe that the explosive growth of World of Warcraft only shows the enormous potential - the nascent yet accelerating power to entertain and interact - of massively multiplayer online gaming. We especially celebrate these games - MMOs that widen the genre, pushing the creative and technical envelope- all in the name of delivering a challenging and immersive perpetual world gaming experience." -
Auto Assault: Mechanics - Missions
"Missions are the best way to level up in Auto Assault. They are plentiful, fun, and contain rewards beyond what anything else in the game offers (except crafting!). Missions can get a little complicated sometimes and knowing the basics can really help speed up your adventures!" -
EverQuest 2: Updated Heritage Quest Compendium
"Gotten stuck on a Heritage Quest before? Can't remember the name of that stupid lion that spawns for the Lightstone quest? TenTonHammer has your updated guide to all of them, including the new ones from Kingdom of Sky. " -
EverQuest 2: The Repetition of Gaming
"The world of Norrath can be quite repetitive. Most people don't even notice. THEY don't want you to notice. Slide wakes up and realizes that something is wrong and begins investigating. What secrets will he uncover? " -
Guild Wars: Does Rank Mean Anything?
"Guest writer Tap weighs in on the issue of PvP and rankings in part one of an opinion piece about status versus skill. What impact did "IWAY" have on the value of fame? Can you be a rank 12 rookie?" -
Lord of the Rings Online: TenTonHammer Kinship
"Are you preparing to journey into Middle-earth when Lord of the Rings Online: Shadows of Angmar launches some time in 2007? (Or perhaps even looking for companionship should you score a beta slot?) Then Ten Ton Hammer, the kinship, may be looking for you." -
Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Role Playing Types
"AnomalousSilence continues his series, this week taking a look at the different types of role-playing and role-players in today's MMO's. "
Vin Diesel Fact of the Day - Humpty Dumpty didn't actually have a great fall. Vin Diesel used him to egg the King's castle.
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up. [Thanks Matt!]
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Wolverine Wears His Costume to Bed
In other news, Hugh Jackman wins best name that could be deemed offensive. -
Woman's Toes Licked By Man Hiding Under Car
Toe Terrorism alert set to the colour of jam. -
Kraft To Cut 325 Jobs
Ironically the fired employees will now only be able to afford to eat Kraft Dinner. -
Scientists Seek "Super Broccoli"
It's ability to move "unseen among us" slows search. -
Animal Activists Go Naked In London
Onlookers couldn't bear to look as police sealed the protesters in and clubbed them.
As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin
