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Welcome to December!

A big round of clap for Jeff Woleslagle for writing interesting and compelling Loading articles for me while I was away. Jeff is away at rodeo clown school today, but we expect him back on Monday. What you shouldn't expect today is as well a written Loading as Jeff has been treating you to. He's been spoiling you folks with well thought out, insightful writing.

You're stuck with me again. Consider it a return to the "good old days", which were never very good, but did get very old.
For those of you that were writing me, but not getting responses, I am in a battle with a kidney stone, which sounds rather small and innocuous, but which had me crying like a baby, or a girl, or a baby girl. I have found a new appreciation for the band Blood, Sweat and Tears as they were apparently named after the three things that continually gush from your body when you are going one-on-one with this small, but painful gastrointestinal gravel.

How should game companies measure success? Some developers count subscriber numbers. Most publishers count revenues. I believe that there is a better, more accurate measure of a game company's success.

A wise man once told me, "You will know that you are successful when you have at least three people trying to sue you."

This theory appears to be universal covering not only people, but games. You know that your game is successful when people are suing you because they are A) incompetent parents and people are suing you because they are B) afraid they won't be able to leech off of your intellectual property any longer and people are suing you because, C) oh, it's that darn intellectual property thing again.

If you are successful people will sue you, because unsuccessful people without faith in their own abilities or hope for a future see suing successful entities (people or companies) as a legitimate way to acquire something that they wish that they had, but are not entitled to. If you are successful, you will eventually deal with a lawsuit. The number of lawsuits you deal with is directly proportional to how successful you are. I currently have no lawsuits pending which is further proof of this theory.

Your game is successful when other successful forms of media cover it as a means to connect with their audience. See: Penny Arcade exhibit A , South Park exhibit B, Dave Chappelle exhibit C, Stargate Atlantis exhibit D, American Dad exhibit E.
Your game is truly successful when companies make hardware with a starting price of $1,495 U.S. built specifically to play the game you can pick up for $19.18.

Because of your $20 game, somebody is building and selling a piece of $1,500 hardware.

"But, games have always driven the hardware market", I hear you cry. Of course they have, but when was the last time you saw a company advertise a computer as a "Built specifically for Game ABC " machine? It has probably happened, but I can't recall when. Can you? Were there machines built specifically for Half-Life for instance?

I speak for myself and almost assuredly for Coyote when I say, "Where is the bandwagon? I'm ready to get on." Imagine the revenue potential of the Boomjack 60" LCD monitor autographed by yours truly or the inflatable CPU case inscribed by Coyote's own hand (or paw). Apple, Samsung, Dell, we await your calls. Our modesty has a price (our dignity) and our legions have fat wallets!

Now over to some folks who did call, our hard-working, key-tapping, red-eyed community managers for what's new in the industry.

Exclusive TenTonHammer.com Content!
12.01.2006

• Op/Ed: Vanguard - God Kills Devs! --Hertzberg
  "Oh, the poor Vanguard devs. Every time a member of the official Vanguard forum says that Vanguard's scenery is "too brown," God strikes one of them dead. It's true, and I'll present the proof in this week's Vanguard newsletter. So ease up on those poor, hardworking developers...and come visit our own Vanguard forums, where we're nicer than a busload of Canadians on their way to Disneyworld. Dev saving, our top news stories, and a rundown of our content for the week are just a click away."
• Dungeons and Dragons Online: Threnal East 3 Quest Guide
  "If you thought leading Coyle to the library door in Eastern Excavation Chapter 2 was a pain, wait until you get a load of Chapter 3! This week's DDO Quest Walk-through explains how to survive 16 solid minutes of fighting so of the toughest monsters in DDO--keeping Coyle alive the entire time!"
• EverQuest 2: Echoes of Faydwer Review
  "Echoes of Faydwer has been released and everyone is trying out the new content. Who is this expansion for, and is it worth the money? RadarX takes a look at some of the features, and addresses raiding for the first time!"
• EverQuest 2: Echoes of Faydwer: The Failed Interviews
  "Even a seasoned and disciplined reporter sometimes walks into an ugly interview. What transpires when Ten Ton Hammer's own Coyotee Sharptongue has these type of bloopers? You'll just have to read to find out."
• EverQuest 2: Tier 6 Leveling Guide For Groups
  "You're all mended up from the last outing, you've got your trusty group gathering, and the topic of converstation is where to go! Well, if you're between the levels of 50 to 59, I can tell you EXACTLY where you should take that group for great fun and great experience."
• Gods and Heroes: Out Of The Box
  "Anyone who has played Dungeons and Dragons, EverQuest, or any other traditional fantasy MMO knows the deal. The group goes fighter, healer, and a damage dealing rogue/mage. Will Gods and Heroes have the same setup? Will they break the tried and true method? Will Bullwinkle rescue Rocky in time? Read Kiara's "Out of the Box" to find out!"
• Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Brad McQuaid On Listening To Fans
  "When it comes to game developers, few are scrutinized more closely than Brad McQuaid, CEO of Sigil Games Online and executive producer of its game in development, Vanguard: Saga of Heroes. McQuaid's penchant for interacting with the gaming community has earned him both praise and criticism. Is there such a thing as paying too much attention to the voices of fans? Shayalyn asks and Brad McQuaid answers in this week's Ask the Devs."

Hot Content

• EverQuest 2: Echoes of Faydwer Review
• EverQuest 2: Echoes of Faydwer: The Failed Interviews
• Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Brad McQuaid On Listening To Fans

Real World News - You Can't Make This Up

• Santa Salutes Hitler?
  You guessed it...in Germany.
• MySpace Meets China
  And you thought the pages couldn't get worse.
• Abortion Drug Prevents Breast Cancer In Mice
  Unprotected mouse sex reaching epidemic proportions.
• Silly String Saving Soldiers
  Seriously.
• Killer Fairies Caused Four Deaths
  Ellen, Rosie, unavailable for comment.

Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel created a perpetual motion machine, but he stopped it.

As always, thank you for visiting TenTonHammer.com.
- John "Boomjack" Hoskin