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E3 is dead! Long live E3!
The rumour that E3 is dead infects the industry like a virus each and every year. Various media outlets cough and sputter phlegm while other sites and blogs create a sense of panic that this year's version of the E3 flu might have been avian in nature. Fanatic groups of gamers are infected by this "information" and become zombie carriers, stumbling to message boards across the Interweb, arms outstreched, fingers waggling as they spread the misnformation from venue to venue. Imagine if it could be passed from gamer to human. I think we know how the dinosaurs bought the farm. They milled around once per year at a big computer game convention, that's how. Brontosaurus Booth Babe photo galleries are going to start turning up, chiseled in rock, buried beneath games like Raptor Nukem Forever, that never saw the light of day.
The folks at Next-Generation started the spread of the virus this year with their aptly named story, "E3 Finished as Big Exhibs Pull Support". I'm not privy to what an "Exhib" is, but if they are "ex" Hibs then who cares? They're history! Besides, calling somebody a "Hib" sounds very politically incorrect. Then again, if they are exhibs does that make it O.K. since they are no longer Hibs?
Ars Technica disagrees with Next-Generation stating that E3 will only be downsized. They make no mention of the mysterous Hibs, but do point a few fingers in the direction of Comdex, the former King and now dead buried tradeshow for gadgetry.
Let's just call a spade a spade shall we? E3 is and always has been a circus. Outrageous display booths costing exorbitant amounts of money were merely the tip of the iceberg. The after-parties, where the alcohol flowed like drivel from a blogger's fingers cost as much as many of the booths.
Let's take a look at what was good about E3. Done. Did you get all that?
E3 was filled with "media" and "industry" people who had no intention of covering the event at all. More worried about getting their plushie Nintendo toy or their inflatable Webzen surfboard than stringing three words together the "fake media" killed the event, then went as far as to complain that legitimate media were taking up too much space in the press room. The very same room where the "fake media" had no right to be. TenTonHammer.com took 13 editors to the event, posted hundreds of items and had appointments with every major MMOG developer and publisher in attendance. It was a grueling, will-sapping ordeal that literally sucked the souls from our staff members. Writing is a difficult task and doing it under pressure, dozens of times in three days is brain numbing.
Thousands of staff from chains like EB Games and GameStop stood in line for hours to play on a new console. Why? They certainly weren't being educated about the products by the scantily clad would-be actress that hovered, breasts exposed behind the wall of consoles. It was a gigantic waste of development dollars and it was a gigantic waste of money for companies like TenTonHammer.com who received less time with the developers because a horde of miscreants with blogs that haven't been updated in six months were allowed into the show and ate up precious "face time" with the folks who make the games. How many times did some-crap for-brains ask, "When's the beta and can I get in?" during a presentation? If you were anyone at all you would be in the beta and wouldn't be asking that question.
I would much rather have an E3 that is closed to anyone but verified media. No fancy booths, but lots of closed door meetings where the developers and publishers could really get down to business about their games. Heck, I'd rather have an event each month, focusing on one developer, publisher or game.
What would be even better, but is unlikely to happen would be a MMOG focused show. Dare to dream.
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While we're talking about dead things, our "Dead of Summer" contest continues. $500 worth of prizes including Tabula Rasa and Pirates of the Burning Sea beta slots are yours to win! Special thanks to ZBoard, NCSoft and Flying Labs Software for generously donating the prizes!
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Make your mark. Mark your territory. Post a comment. If you are shy you can E-Mail me.
Every good guild needs a home. A home free of gold ads, secondary market farmers. Look no further than GuildPortal.com.
Exclusive new TenTonHammer.com Content!
Let us entertain you or at the very least waste some of your time at work.07.31.2006 Exclusive Content
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Dungeons And Dragons Online: The Drow
"The drow are all the buzz in Dungeons & Dragons Online: Stormreach right now. But who are the drow? What motivates them? How do they fit into the world of Eberron? Never fear; Ten Ton Hammer's got you covered! " -
EverQuest 2: What I Did On My Summer Vacation
"Okay, so it isn't really about Kiara's summer vacation. Mainly, because she doesn't have one anymore. Instead, it's all about what she thinks makes a game, and EQ2 in particular, great. " -
Hero Online: Screenshots
"The day has finally arrived! Hero Online launches today, July 31, 2006. It has been a long and difficult road to get to this point as, it is making any MMO. With determination and the support of the Hero Online community the developers have madea game they are proud of. You can read all the news and information you need to know about the launch in the press release that we posted on Friday. Here are a few peeks at the game in our sixexclusive screenshots." -
Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Jacked In
"In 2005, Sony patented an idea for sending information directly to the human brain. Despite the patent, scientists say that we're decades away from perfecting this technology. Our columnist, Mercurie, takes a look at VR in science fiction and reality. Would you take part in a virtual reality MMO that allowed Sony to mess with your brain? (Or perhaps SOE already does. Hmm.) Is the idea of a VR MMO crazy talk, or an inevitable future? You decide! " -
World of Warcraft: A Look At Rogue Changes In Patch 1.12
"In the upcoming patch 1.12 "Drums of War" the Rogue class will be receiving a talent review to make them fit better with modern times. Lots of things have been changed to better improve the Rogue's damage and utility in both PvP and PvE. We've taken a look at some of the changes and have given our views on how it'll affect you along with some sample builds. The patch may be a little ways off but it's never a bad idea to be fully prepared for it!"
Vin Diesel Fact of the Day - Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Vin Diesel's PC will crash.
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.
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In Iran "Pizzas" Are Now Called "Elastic Loaves" [Thanks Michael]
"Bombs" still called "Body Rockets". "Women" still called "dirt". -
Wal*Mart Pulls Out Of Germany [Thanks Matt]
Fear of German STDs cited as reason. -
Woman Sought In Magic Cheese Scam [Thanks Matt]
Police open Bovine Phoneline at Crime Stoppers. -
Cosmic Blob Biggest Thing In Universe [Thanks Matt]
Star Jones relinquishes crown. - Chinese Activist Beat Himself Up [Thanks Matt]
In other news, Chinese extremists now driving tanks over themselves in protest. - AMD Buys ATI [Thanks Matt]
QFT, OMG! We got this on the QT from a VIP.
As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin
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