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E3 is new and improved. Welcome to E4! The ESA has made their announcement. E3 isn't getting older, it's getting better! You can read the official word, or you can carry on down this page and read my take on it.
See, I told you it wouldn't be so bad. It didn't hurt a bit.
"To better address the needs of today's global computer and video game industry, the 2007 Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3Expo) is evolving into a more intimate event focused on targeted, personalized meetings and activities, the Entertainment Software Association (ESA) announced today."
By "intimate" the ESA means smaller. By "focused" the ESA means smaller. "Targeted", smaller. "Personalized", for the learning imparied, smaller. Star Jones, I know you read this column, it means smaller. In other words, E3 2007, heretoforeaftermentioned as E4 will be a smaller event without the rabble rousing of previous events. There you have it.
How will this affect the industry? It won't. Remember, you read it here first and not on one of those other sites who threw around headlines like "E3 Cancelled". Just think of E3 as an event on a diet. Of course the first three letters of diet spell die, but that little tidbit of trivia aside let's just consider E3 the Anna Nicole Smith of events. Next thing you know it will be cuddling up to CES, SIGGRAPH or maybe even ComicCon screaming, "Trimspa Baby" because well, it's on a diet.
Our "Dead of Summer" contest remains as big as ever. I opened my mouth on the company conference call today and claimed that a Loading... reader would win the contest. So, you can either make a liar out of me, which would give many of you great joy or you can win the contest which would give many of you great joy. You see, inevitably by reading this column each day, you will find substantial joy. I would much prefer that you won the contest, not because I like you, but because I don't like the people that I work with and if you win then my claim on the call today was true.
Note to my co-workers reading this column. I hate you. Take it up with Comeau.
Enter the Dead of Summer Contest. I see joy in your future!
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Make your mark. Mark your territory. Post a comment. If you are shy you can E-Mail me.
Every good guild needs a home. A home free of gold ads, secondary market farmers. Look no further than GuildPortal.com.
Exclusive new TenTonHammer.com Content!
Let us entertain you or at the very least waste some of your time at work.08.01.2006 Exclusive Content
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Dungeons and Dragons Online: Which Class Is Best For Drow?
"Itâs Drow Week here at DDO @ Ten Ton Hammer. We'll be bringing you great drow articles all this week. For our poll, we want to know which class you think best suits a drow. Remember that drow get +2 to DEX, INT, and CHA but -2 to CON. Drow also have a natural spell resistance of 11." -
Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Brad McQuaid Gives A Beta Update
"It's the Blue Names (aka - developers)! Or rather, it's one important Blue Name in particular: Aradune Mithara. Those who are intimately involved with the Vanguard community know Aradune as Brad McQuaid, CEO of Sigil Games Online and Executive Producer of Vanguard: Saga of Heroes. While the community is poised on the next phase of the game's beta testing, dubbed Beta 3, McQuaid took some time to answer questions on the official Vanguard forums (OVF). When might Beta 3 begin and when should you start haunting your inbox for an invite? Forget the dev tracker--read our compilation of the most recent McQuaid posts to find out. "
Vin Diesel Fact of the Day - Vin Diesel is the reason that Jack is in a box.
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.
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Liquid Body Armour [Thanks Matt]
The name, "Water you shooting at me for?" still up for grabs. -
Ultrasonic Tourniquet To Stop Battlefield Bleeding [Thanks Matt]
4 out of 5 soldiers interviewed preferred not being shot to the new tourniquet. -
U.K. Has Sperm Shortage [Thanks Matt]
Stiff competition from neighbouring countries blamed. -
Scotty's Final Frontier [Thanks Matt]
Denny Crane would like you to "beam him up". -
Hunger Dictates Who Men Fancy [Thanks Matt]
In other news, really hungry men become cannibals. -
Refugees Taught How To Eat American Food [Thanks Matt]
By eating bags of salt, sugar and lard.
As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin
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