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The date today is 7/11. Celebrate this holy day by buying a Big Gulp and asking the person behind the counter why a store that is open 24 hours a day 365 days per year has locks on the doors.

Reading the chat channels in any MMOG is often akin to deciphering hyroglyphics chiseled by a drunken pharoah. Most games have the same set of channels and require the same level of mental gymnastics to comprehend, give or take;

General Chat - The channel where players who crave attention like Kirstie Alley craves cheesecake come to blather wildly about anything but the game itself. Communication in this channel falls into the following subgroups, Attention Craving, Questioning, Discussion of Personal Illness, Recruitment and Spelling Correction. Inhabited by half-human, half-cheetos hybrids, this channel is a veritable horn of plenty for the chat gourmand. 90% of all the messages in this channel are sent by three people who banter back and forth like old friends when they aren't arguing like Gaza Strip real estate agents. The Jerry Springer Show of chat channels minus the nudity, but infested with spelling errors.
Looking For Group Chat - The channel where sentences cannot be completed unless they contain at least three short forms and are typed entirely in capital letters. 'LF1M WC PST'. The place that those incapable of making enough friends to form a group on their own come to create dysfunctional groups that have no chance of completing their mission.

Trade Chat - A channel used for asking quest questions and selling things that no player in the history of the game has ever purchased.
Recruitment Chat - A channel as yet of undetermined use. Rumoured to have been created by the Gods for those they hate most, guild leaders. Purgatory.

Raid Chat - The channel that everyone uses to describe the television show currently playing four-feet from them. A means of communicating raid instructions to those currently AFK.

I'd love to go on, but I must carry out my civic duty and partake in a Big Gulp, or perhaps even a Super Big Gulp.

Make your mark. Mark your territory. Post a comment. If you are shy you can E-Mail me.
Every good guild needs a home. A home free of gold ads, secondary market farmers. Look no further than GuildPortal.com.

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Exclusive new TenTonHammer.com Content!
Let us entertain you or at the very least waste some of your time at work.07.11.2006 Exclusive Content

• Dungeons and Dragons Online: Forums - Courts Of Public Opinion
  "Let's face it: it's hard to separate the good information from the bad on game forums. Darkgolem talks about his mistakes and successes in finding the truth on the official Dungeons & Dragons Online: Stormreach (DDO) official forums. He also offers us surefire way to cut through the chaff and get to the good stuff:"
• EverQuest 2: Light Armour Quest Guide
  "Monks may look half naked in those hot little gi's, but they are in fact completely armored, especially if they did that level 20 armor quest! If you are a leather wearer, around level 20, and could use upgrades, then this guide is exactly what you need!"
• Vanguard: Saga Of Heroes - How To Find A Raiding Guild
  "In the name of research, we sent little Medeor away from the safety of his family style guild and out into the wild "50 DKP minus!" world of raiding guilds. The purpose? To bring you this cool guide on how to find and join a raiding guild. How did he fare? You'll have to read his guide to find out."
• World of Warcraft - Where To Level Guide Updated
  "In our quest to have the most useful zone guide out there, we have even more updates today! Today we look at several level 41-50 zones and instances. Updates to The Blasted Lands, The Hinterlands, Searing Gorge, Uldaman and Zul'Farrak have all just been uploaded to our Where to Adventure Guide."

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Vin Diesel Fact of the Day - Vin Diesel doesn't go to work. It comes to him.

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Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

• The Cult Of Leia's Metal Bikini [Thanks Matt]
  Further proof that two-piece bathing suits sell products.
• Cow Power [Thanks Matt]
  The renewable power source that also tastes great!
• Russian Wants To Marry A Cow [Thanks Matt]
  Star Jones refutes proposal.
• Explosions Hit Train Stations In India
  7/11 flags to be flown at half-mast.
• World's First 3-D Crop Circle
  Alien glasses not included.

As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin
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