Welcome to your Friday Loading... You can read previously enjoyed editions of Loading... in the blog archive. (For the navigation impaired that means you click the link and then look in the right menu.)

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Experience the power of alchemy in the palm of your hand. Join the journey of the Elric Brothers in the side-scrolling action/adventure game coming soon to Nintendo DS. Click here for more!

The most read stories in Loading... yesterday were:

1. Vanguard: Saga of Heroes First Impressions (MMOG News Headlines)
2. Win A Vanguard Pre-Order (TenTonHammer Exclusives)
3. New Burning Crusade Screenshots (MMOG News Headlines)
4. Texans Go To Bed To Test Robots (Real World News)
5. Burning Crusade First Look - Shattrath City (TenTonHammer Exclusives)

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
A reader, let's call her Anjelina Jolie for lack of a better name, wrote me yesterday and asked me what I thought of a story about games journalism that she had discovered on Slashdot.com. The article links to another article that in turn acted as a catalyst for yet more articles all boiling down like sap from a maple tree to create a sugary sweet mouthful on the subject of what it takes to become a games journalist. The original piece of prose, the maple tree in this case so to speak, appeared on Game Career Guide, and was aptly titled So You Want To Be A Games Journalist. Click, read, learn nothing you didn't already know.

Now that you have read that drivel, go read as many of these as your boss will allow before banging on your desk and asking, "What the name of all that is holy it is that you think you are being paid for?"

Many, if not all of the following yarns are written by those of British persuasion, which makes them humorous because they use funny words we rarely get to set eyes on here in North America and somewhat distrubing because the little voice in your head that only comes out when you are reading refuses to recite them without doing it as an Austin Powers impression. "Yeah baby! Yeah! I want to write about games!"

• I Reckon I Want To Be A Games Journalist
• So You Want To Be A Games Journalist - 1
• So You Want To Be A Games Journalist - 2
• So You Want To Be A Games Journalist - 3
• So You Want To Be A Games Journalist - 4
• So You Want To Be A Games Journalist - 5
• So You Want To Be A Games Journalist - 6
• So You Want To Be A Games Journalist - 7
• So You Want To Be A Games Journalist - 8

I left what I considered the best until the end. The last link is an excellent read. If you don't read the others, at least read that one.

You see, Anjelina Jolie as we'll call her, read the blog yesterday where I placed scribes like Woleslagle and Hertzberg on pedestals. Writers like myself were left to grovel in the muck and excrement left by the thousands of pilgrims who march past said pedestals on a daily basis.
Perhaps if I read the guide on becoming a games journalist I would someday rise above the blog sewers, reaching fitfully for the golden ring that hangs oh so close to the river of untreated sewage that is the Interweb. Perhaps, someday... if I lose my freaking mind.

Until then I'll be writing here, knee deep in raw gaming dung with the souls who are responsible for the success of the industry, the players.

If you were to interrogate anyone on our staff they would tell, without much need for torture, that I don't consider them or anyone else at TenTonHammer.com a journalist. Many are offended by my statement. I can tell, though they never come right out and say it. I mean it as a compliment. Our writers have creative latitude that a print or corporately pressured journalist simply doesn't have.

Journalists in their truest sense are not paid to entertain. They are paid to deliver well written facts. To compare them to our staff and my analogy above, they are dealing with treated sewage. The nastiness, bad smell and odour have been taken out often leaving a bland, yet excellent fertilizer which when spread on game company public relations causes games to grow.

The truth of the matter is that our staff are more like cowboys than journalists. They are allowed, nay encouraged to dawn leather chaps while they ride around the industry screaming out any questions that they feel are important. Perhaps more importantly they are paid to produce entertaining content for you, our readers. I guess they are more like rodeo clowns than cowboys, but nonetheless, they are allowed to fly by the seat of their assless pants and deliver articles that not only inform, but entertain. We encourage the use of generous face paint, floppy shoes and red noses, but it isn't mandatory. Being able to jump into a huge wooden barrel when you see Brad McQuaid coming is a skill we teach as part of the employee orientation process. Not everyone can pass the final exam. Not everyone can launch themselves into a barrel quickly enough, but every staff member knows that are allowed to tell the truth as they see it.

I for one, don't care to ever be a journalist. They are underpaid, ill thought of, and if my experience with them holds true, forced to wear mustard stained ties. Imagine if you will a career where the people you need to communicate with to complete your tasks don't like you, and when you can get them to talk to you they treat you like a cockroach. Now imagine dealing with this on a day to day basis for a miniscule paycheque. There you have it, the life of many a games journalist.

When people ask me what I do for a living and I am forced to tell them they inevitably reply that, "That must be a lot of fun, playing games all day."

Sure, it's a lot of fun until you are in your 50th hour of some atrocious game that chewed up your soul and spit it out during character creation, leaving you a broken man, tapping on an ergonomic keyboard, desperately trying to see as much of the virtual world as possible in order to complete your review. Bring on the face paint rodeo clown fans, because the writer's nose is already red.

I guess what I have been trying to write, in far too many words, is that given the choice of treated or untreated game information. I'd choose the untreated variety every time. It's always honest, though it may not always be what the public relations people want to read.

A dirty penny for your thoughts.

Do tell, either in the forum or at the bottom of this blog. If you are shy (or female and sending in naughty pictures) you can E-Mail me.

Every good guild needs a home. A home free of gold ads and secondary market farmers. Look no further than GuildPortal.com.

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Exclusive new TenTonHammer.com Content!
Let us entertain you or at the very least waste some of your time at work.11.03.2006 Exclusive Content

• Auto Assault: Update 3 Dev Diary: The Tower
  "Net Devil tells us all about the brand new level 80 instance and a tough new boss encounter. Update 3 isn't just about the high level players, however. Level 20 and under players can also enjoy several new instances and bosses as well. News on all this and more, straight from the source, is found at the Ten Ton Hammer - Auto Assault site!"
• Dungeons and Dragons Online: Durk's Got A Secret Quest Guide
  "In the early days of Dungeons & Dragons Online, every low level party wanted to run Durk's. The quest gave enough reward to make up for the challenge. And most importantly, someone would get to loot Muckbane. Thankfully, Turbine changed the spawn on Muck to be random and the rate of drop on Muckbane to be random. But to this day, Ralsu remembers his experience on the quest--and looting Muckbane!"
• EverQuest 2: Echoes Of Faydwer - NDA Smashed!
  "What happens when you get GOOD stories that people want to know - inside info and the truth behind the rumors, but you're bound by the Non-disclosure? What happens when you find out the shocking truth behind the Echoes of Faywder, but can't spread it? You do the only thing you can do - you smash the NDA to tiny bits!"
• Gods And Heroes: Minions - Are People Going To Solo?
  "Solo playstyle is loved many, and loathed by others. Gods and Heroes will have a unique system allowing you to fill your group with AI controlled minions. Will this work, and is it the best way to make an MMO? RadarX takes a stab at this sometimes controversial subject."
• New Aion: Tower Of Eternity - Screenshots
  "We've seen very little about Aion: Tower of Eternity (official site) in the six months since E3 in May 2006, and heard even less. This is one I've been hoping would come around, since what we did see of the in-game video looked truly cinematic. Here's 10 new screens from the MMO that NCSoft promises "will transform the way you experience new content. You have the power to trigger world-changing events!""
• Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - Try A Little TLC (Trivial Loot Code)
  "How about a little TLC in your gaming experience? Brad McQuaid, CEO of Sigil Games Online, has commented that Sigil will experiment with a trivial loot code in the beta for their upcoming game, Vanguard: Saga of Heroes. Does TLC place needless and illogical restrictions on players; or does it do more good than harm by promoting risk vs. reward gameplay and thwarting gold farmers? Read Zinn's thoughtful editorial, then vote in our forum poll.
• Vanguard: Saga of Heroes - November Beta Key Giveaway
  "As many of you know, Sigil has granted us the power to give away one beta key each month. This month we've made earning a beta key short and sweet. What do you have to do? Just sign up for our weekly Vanguard Newsletter. Our newsletter is packed full of all the Vanguard news that fits (and it all fits) each week, so you'll want to be a subscriber. And who knows? You could find yourself holding a beta key!"
• World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade First Look - The Underbog
  "Today I continue our first look at the upcoming World of Warcraft expansion, The Burning Crusade. Once again I am focusing on the new instance in the game since small group adventures are one of my favorite things about MMOs. So far I have covered the Hellfire Ramparts and the Blood Furnace in the Hellfire Citadel and the Slave Pens in the Coilfang Reservoir. Today I once again head to Coilfang Reservoir in Zangarmarsh, but this time to visit the Underbog. The Underbog is the second of the four instance in Coilfang Reservoir in Zangarmarsh."
• World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade Updated F.A.Q.
  "We've gone through our Burning Crusade FAQ and updated it with tons of information from the beta! Your burning questions about "The Burning Crusade" answered directly from experience with the beta itself. If you have a question that isn't answered in our FAQ then feel free post about it in our community forums!"
• World of Warcraft: Burning Crusade Jewelcrafting F.A.Q.
  "The updated version of the Jewelcrafting FAQ for the Burning Crusade expansion."

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Vin Diesel Fact of the Day - Vin Diesel pities Mr. T.

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Now from the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

• Boy George's Ex-bandmates Slam Singer [Thanks Darren]
  In the 80s this headline would have read: Boy George's Bandmates Slam Singer
• Why Do We Have An Adam's Apple?
  "To tell which hookers are trannies", Mel Gibson
• Samsung Produces $200,000 Machine Gun Sentry Robot
  All hail our 22" Widescreen Robotic Overlords
• Scientists Invent Spray To Cure Premature Ejaculation
  Apparently rubbing it on didn't work.
• Letters To God End Up In The Ocean
  Bilge pump on the Ark blamed.

As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin