Everything I ever needed to know, I learned by playing an Ogre.

EQ2 Humor by Coyote Sharptongue

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EverQuest II is a game of fantasy and adventure - but it can also be a game of lessons and learning. You make friends, you establish relationships, and you learn to work well as alone, or as a team.

But how are those lessons skewed as you change personas? Do the things you learn and experience as a human...

...translate when you become an Ogre?

No..no they don’t, but they are MUCH more fun.

"Everything I've Ever Needed to Know about EverQuest II, I Learned From Playing An Ogre."

Always travel with a Gnome. They are smart, good at figuring things out, and in case of emergency - have a creamy nougat center.

You can never break wind unnoticed in a Halfling village.

The harder you hit a caster, the more unlikely the chance that he'll want to continue casting at you.

You can't flex brains to pick up chicks.

You can fool some of the people some of the time and all of the people some of the time, but the rest you just have to kill.

You don't have to be the smartest to win an intellectual debate. You just have to be the last one still alive.

Fae stay crunchy in milk.

He who fights and runs away, gets stabbed in the back.

If it's smaller than you, than it's probably a food source.

Answering, "Because I can crush your head." will end almost any line of annoying questions.

A clean and honorable fight is what the loser was probably going for.

Never underestimate the combat value of a dirty loincloth.

Always wash your hands before a meal, and bow your head to give thanks. It gives the rest of us more time to scarf your food.

Carrying a blood spattered great ax means never having to say you're sorry.

Women love sensitive men - so be sure to kill any sensitive men you come across so that the women will have no choice but to go to you.

Sometimes you have to break a few heads to make an omelet.

You only have to eat one party member before the others start bringing you food.

"Free For All" rolls means "Beatings are FREE FOR ALL" that roll against you.

Teach an elf to fish, and you feed him for a day. Use an elf for bait, and you catch really BIG fish.

"I'll rip off your arms if you don't." means the same thing as "Please."

The larger something is, the funnier it is to watch it eat a Halfling.

The SMALLER something is, the funnier it is to watch a pack of 'em eat a Halfling.

When life gives you lemons, use them for garnishing your "Dwarf-Kabobs".

Always turn the other cheek, and then follow through with a spin - because it gives you more power and momentum with your punch.

With great power comes...great fun.

Kill your friends. Group Feign Death guarantees that YOU get the "shinie".

Baths are a weakness. The worse you taste, the less inclined things are to bite you.

No one calls you stupid if they don't have a tongue.

It is only illegal if you get caught.

Use pretty words. Saying "Pixie Dust" when asked what you are sprinkling on your group mates will make them laugh - saying "ground up Fairies" will not.

Other races don't like to be reminded on how they taste.

"Friends" and "Fodder" both start with "F".

Laugh, and the world laughs with you, cry and you're a sissy.

Somebody HAS to get eaten. That somebody does NOT have to be you.

Everyone makes mistakes, but it takes REAL talent to pin them on other people.

Only survivors get the loot.

If it is bigger, meaner, and scarier than you - see if it needs henchmen.

Sometimes people just need the living hell beat out of them.

Never lick Frogloks, they taste horrible and you wake up naked.

If you eat a Fairy your poop sparkles.

Real men DO cry. Especially when Real Ogres make them.