Leaving on a .... Griffon?

By: Kiara

When I was a young, impressionable Dark Elf, I was convinced that Longshadow Alley was beneath me. And truly, it was. Dirty, slummy... generally not up to my high standards. Nor was I treated with nearly the awe and respect due me as the preeminant of all races in Norrath. Likewise, my brethren didn't understand my worship of Quellious, admittedly a most unDark Elfish sort of thing. Add to that, Lucan wears gnome panties... And well, I'm sure you can see where this is going.

I did it. I went to Stylus and I betrayed. I tried to kill Lucan, a task which I failed, due to aforementioned gnome panties. Then after facing the headswoman, I was cast out into the world at the tender age of... well, we'll not discuss that. I braved the scary owlbears (grrr, rawr, grrr) of Nektulos Forest as I ran through on my way to catch the boat to the Thundering Steppes.

Quite a boat ride that was. Storms, sea monsters grabbing people off the boat with giant tentacles, people on the ship looking at me funny... And of course, I couldn't kill them. Finally I landed. I must say I wasn't terribly impressed with the Thundering Steppes, however, this wasn't going to be my new home so I let it go. My map was useless, but then what do you expect from gnomes? * sigh * So, I blundered my way along the coast and finally stumbled upon Antonica.

Now THIS is what I was talking about. Antonica was lovely. Lush, green, alive. Not at all the barren wasteland that was the Commonlands. I was starting to feel a little bit better about this hasty decision I'd made.

Wouldn't you know it? The Qeynosians didn't trust me. Can't imagine why... But, there was one who was willing to give me a chance to prove myself. He gave me a list of tasks (500 gnolls? Five super gnolls? This must be what going mad feels like!) to complete to show that I was truly intent on becoming a citizen of the shining city. What the heck... not like I was doing anything else anyway.

Three days. For three days, I did nothing but kill gnolls. Honestly, it's been ages now and I still think I'm picking gnoll fur out of places it should never be. I finally did it. Triumphant, I returned to my lone benefactor, eager to start my new life. What? Talk to WHO?!? (No, THIS is what going mad feels like.) I keep my private thoughts to myself and wander off to find these people. Oh dear Quellious, the WHINING. You'd think that these people wouldn't be so... bleh. But no. They needed their hands held and I held them. (I washed for several hours afterwards.)

Returning once again, triumphant, but now a little wary (what's next? Shine his armour?), I spoke with my sponser. Oh goodie. I'm a citizen. Thank you ever so. Elated, I began wandering the streets of Qeynos. Understandably the people were a little less than cordial at first. Then they got to know me. They still aren't terribly affectionate, but I thank Quellious everyday for that. Somehow I don't think she'd approve if I wiped out the entire city.

I've lived in Qeynos now for... ever it seems like. And the thing I've learned from my time in the shining, bright, clearly on some sort of mood altering drug, city? IT STINKS. I HATE IT HERE. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY LET ME OUT!!!! * sobs *

It's horrible. It's like someone went crazy in the happy mushroom patch and just pumped it into the water supply. They're all INSANE. I can't stand it anymore. I need to get back to where people are NORMAL. All the smiling and "Have a nice day!" and "Have you ever seen a gnoll?" manure makes me want to drown myself in the harbour! Don't mean to get in the way of CRAZY time! But, come on already. WHO is THAT happy all the time?

Many a long year have I suffered this wretched cesspool of a city. Many a long year have I toiled, repenting my foolish, youthful pride. Many a long year have I had to contemplate the notion that gnome panties might not be that bad...

I've begged Quellious daily for a way to return home. I've sneaked into Freeport to bask in the normality. I've secretly had halfling pot pie (mmmmm! Yum!) And at last ...

My prayers have been answered! PRAISE ALL THE GODS!! Hell, I'll even toss Innoruuk a couple of kudos here. That's right. I'm free! I'm history! No, I'm mythology... wait... sorry. Wrong movie. Where was I? Oh yes. Finally, my salvation is at hand. The gods have seen fit to enable me to return home to Freeport. You know, with all the SANE people.

I can't wait. I've already packed up and moved to a home there in lovely East Freeport.

Let this be a lesson to all you youngsters out there thinking you're all smart and "Oh I'll just betray and make my fortune in Qeynos." They're greedy there. It isn't all sunshine and roses. Their pricing is outrageous. It has to be to fund their "happy" habit. Stay in Freeport. Don't ever leave. Yes, mock the Overlord and his ridiculous panties (isn't that just a fun word to say? Try it. Panties.), but don't leave.

JUST SAY NO!!