Kingdom of Sky: An Unbiased Look

By Coyotee Sharptongue

“Kingdom of Sky. A new world opened to us through channels of ancient magics once feared to be forever lost. Could this “realm-returned” be a gateway to adventure? Of hope? Of promised riches and breath taking scenery never imaged by mortal eyes? Or is it something more sinister? A sham – an unimaginative cloth pulled quickly over the very eyes of those that seek such exotic fortunes? This is Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer news, bringing you the true story.” A large Kerran holding a microphone stands at the edge of a steep cliff, the sky spreading out behind him majestically.

“Standing with me today is adventure critic and fellow journalist Pennathandra Arcadia, who claims to have the scoop on this newly offered world.” Coyotee smiles as he turns towards a High Elf female who pushes up her glasses haughtily.

“Pennathandra – “Penny” if I may, what can you tell us of the Kingdom of Sky?” He asks as he holds the microphone towards the Elvin woman.

“In a word Coyotee – horrible.” She sniffs disdainfully as she crosses her arms.

“Care to elaborate?” Coyotee inquires seriously as Penny Arcadia waves a dismissing hand.

”Where do I begin? It is a colossal let down.” She begins shaking her head sadly. “By far, it was the worst seven minutes I have ever had to endure. I mean..where is the content? The eye candy if you will?” She asks laughing bitter as she shakes here head incredulously. “What FOOLS would ever PAY to come to this world?” She adds as Coyotee begins to frown.

“Your entire basis…of opinion….was formed in seven minutes.” Coyotee reiterates as he blinks in surprise.

“Seven minutes of HELL.” She corrects as she shakes her head. “I mean, look around. We’re standing on a cliff? Where’s the grass? The rocks? I mean..look how BLAND this is.” She exclaims as she looks around.

“What are you talking about?” The cat man asks as he looks around. “I see plenty of grass and texture.” He says in confusion.

“Oh sure..if you don’t disable the flora and stop wearing these low resolution glasses, EVERYTHING looks fine.” Penny says with a roll of her eyes as she taps at her glasses. “But lets be realistic.”

Coyotee looks around in confusion before turning back to Pennathandra.

“So…you came here…and made your observations…and have reported the failings of this world, in seven minutes…because?” The reporter hesitates and prods.

“Because if you get right down to it Coyotee, this place is a rip off. It’s a desperate attempt to save a dying universe. People would be FAR better off spending their time, and hard earned money in other worlds.” Penny states flatly as she examines her fingernails in boredom.

“Other worlds? I’m confused. What other worlds?” Coyotee asks, bringing a smile to the woman’s face.

“Oh..I don’t know…how about POP?” Penny suggests as she whips out a small colorfully decorated box and waves it at the large Kerran.

“PoP? Planet of PhysicalCombatMaking?” The Kerran asks slightly confused as he reads the label on the brightly brandished box.

“Wait a minute.” He asks, looking up from his readings. “Are you affiliated with PoP by chance?” He asks suspicious.

“That’s not the POINT Coyote!” Penny Arcadia says, smacking her fist into her hand for emphasis. “The point is, Kingdom of Sky – Norrath on whole is a bland, poorly designed, poorly contrived world made by unimaginative gods! Unlike Planet of PhysicalCombatMaking, which is too glorious for words! And on sale this month at a vendor near you!” She adds quickly with a toothy smile as the reporter struggles to get the microphone away from her.

“” Coyotee stammers as he pulls the device free. “Are you telling me, that your opinion of Norrath, is in no way influenced by your close association with…with this parallel universe?” He frowns as he waits for a response.

“Look pal. I call’em as I see’em. So what if I bend the viewer’s perception a bit? I’m just helping them see the truth.” Penny Arcadia snorts indignantly as she crosses her arms.

“The truth? But what about Journalistic integrity? Unbiased reporting? Don’t you think you have a duty – no – a responsibility to your readers to report things fairly, regardless of your personal relationships, associations and outside influences?” Coyotee asks incredulously as Penny rolls her eyes at him.

“Integrity? Unbiased reporting?” Penny laughs ruefully as she points at Coyotee “Ooooh. Look at me..I have to report stuff fairly and give it a chance. OoOoh, I’m all neutral.” She says in a singsong voice as she mocks the large Kerra.

“That stuff doesn’t get the viewers Fuzzy. They want to know what’s good and what’s not, and they want it with IN YOUR FACE no-holds-barred honesty!” Penny asserts slamming her fist into her hand.

“….but…you aren’t being honest.” Coyotee stammers looking around. “You went in with a biased opinion, stayed for seven minutes, wore low resolution glasses and stared at a muddy cliff face, all the while being for all intent and purpose, an unofficial spokesperson for another world..” He finishes as she looks on unwavering.

“What’s your point?” Penny asks defensively as the reporter stares at her incredulously.

“My point?” He echoes as she crosses her arms and looks at him defiantly.

With a single fluid push of a his large paw, the Kerran reporter sends the hapless Pennathandra over the edge of the cliff, her screams echoing as she plummets.

“You call this falling? OUR falling is much betteeeeeeeeerrrrrrr.” She trails with a sudden bone crunching thud.

Coyotee stares over the edge of the drop off before turning back to the camera and slowly lifting his microphone.

“Norrath, Kingdom of Sky – A place of new adventure and excitement? There is only one way to find out gentle viewer, and that’s to look for yourself. We all seek opinions before choosing the worlds we live in, but we sometimes forget that those opinions can be heavily biased and even tainted by those who stand in gain against another’s loss. If you are going to base your worlds on another’s words, make sure that you’ve researched those opinions, and know that they aren’t influenced by another’s pocketbook.” Coyotee says solemnly into the camera.

“OUR DYING IS MUCH BETTER TOO! AND YOU CALL THIS EXPERIENCE DEBT? HA!” Penny’s voice echoes stubbornly from the bottom of the canyon.

“And don’t take my opinion – forge your own. Goodnight.” He finishes with a frown as he looks over the cliff’s edge.

“Loading please wait? Pfff. YOU CALL THAT A LOADING SCREEN?” Can be heard as the camera fades to black.

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Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016