Reloading... Summer Sucks

Welcome to the 19th edition of Reloading...

(While our E3 crew crunches out more coverage from last week's show, Arxkanite steps in to bring you season's greetings. Editor's note: Ten Ton Hammer isn't really disgusted by kids, especially big ones, just Kevin. And... we kind of liked Thor, pedophilia accusations aside.)

I HATE SUMMER! To be fair, I also hate winter, spring, and fall. But I HATE SUMMER the MOST! People think I’m some kind of crazy-mutant-insane-diseased-wacko-freak-alien that should be quarantined whenever I tell them I hate summer. Beluga Butt! I’m perfectly sane. There are plenty of reasons to hate summer.

First, Kids! Ugh! Sick! During summer there are kids running around everywhere. These barely human, parasitic worms suck the lives from their parents. They run in circles and scream in high pitch voices about coodies and Pokemon. It’s like a real-life Barren’s chat, utterly disgusting. At least during the other 9 months of the year, the government forces them into prisons during business hours.

Then there are summer movies. Summer movies are often some of the worst movies ever created. Take Thor for example; this movie attempts to convince audiences into thinking pedophilia is okay. The movie is literally about some dude over 1000 years old who travels to earth on a bridge made of rainbows to mack out with some ditsy chick 1/50th his age. Talk about robing the cradle!

Then there is Kung Fu Panda 2. In this movie you have a morbidly obese panda encouraging the youth of our nation to eat as much as possible. According to this movie, you can now suffer from crippling heart disease and still be a super martial arts hero. HELLO?! We already have enough fat people in the country. Hell, 8 out of 5 average wow players will have a heart attack this year alone. (4 average wow players make up the mass of 8 healthy people). Do we really need movies like this?

The absolute worst part of Summer is all the decrepit morons who have the nerve to ask me, “are you enjoying the weather?”. Every time I’m asked this question I just want to shove my fist through their skulls. NO I’M NOT ENJOYING THE WEATHER! I live in a dark windowless room without air-conditioning playing video games 18hrs / day. When the sun comes out, I cook like a thanksgiving day turkey.

On the few occasions I must travel into the world, my skin cracks and blisters, my eyes burn as though someone shoved a hot poker through them, and i begin to sweat more than Rosie O'donnell’s fat rolls. But nooooooooooooooo! If I don’t want to go to prison, I have to grin and lie through my teeth at the inconsiderate posterior-faced peons, “yes, I'm enjoying the weather quite well!”. I hope each and everyone of them is cast into hell where they can burn eternally in the blistering heat they love so much.

Phew, I guess I got a bit angry there! Well anyways I decided which new pet to adopt! I’m going to get a Bearded Dragon!

Until next time,

Kevin “Arxkanite” Fluidsnatcher

Hands-On with Rift's Waves of Madness Update 1.3

With a staggering amount of content already under its belt, Rift shows no signs of slowing down now. Update 1.3 is slated for a late June release and we sat down for a hands-on preview this year at E3.

Hands-On with Vindictus's Newest Character: Karok

Karok, the giant of the south, will be Vindictus’s fourth playable character and the first new character since the game launched last September. With his weapon a stone pillar, Karok joins Nexon’s already brutal stable of characters.

A First Look at Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Living up to its name as one of the most immersive and memorable RPG IPs of all time, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim made a huge splash at E3. Ten Ton Hammer was there to report on all the details.

Faxion Online Review

PvP, multi-classing, and a completely irreverent treatment of an underserviced theme: the afterlife. But does Faxion Online treat players to a slice of gaming heaven or hell?

The ABCs Of Piracy In EVE Online

Piracy is a big part of the fun in EVE Online. This alphabet explains some of the essential aspects of piracy to new players.

APB Reloaded at E3 2011

APB Reloaded is one of the select few games that made the final cut as one of Ten Ton Hammer's Best of E3 2011 nominees, and we're here to tell you why.

Members Only Epic Thread:

Where Will MMOGs Go From Here?

There's a certain familiarity to most new MMOGs--certain tried-and-true mechanics seem to make it into every game. But familiarity breeds contempt, as the saying goes, and we often hear gamers condemn games for bringing too much of the same ol' same.

If gamers resent change, and yet disdain anything that's too familiar, how should developers innovate without reinventing the wheel? Are we all stuck on a treadmill of our own making? That's the latest intriguing topic to find its way into our members only forums. Premium members, head on over to have your say! (Not a premium member? We can fix that.)

NEW: PlayerScore Update 4.8.01 Released

Ten Ton Hammer has released a new version of PlayerScore, the must-have scoring addon for WoW Players. Most changes are to increase compatibility with WoW v4.2, and to fix a chain of recent bugs people have been reporting:

The addon has been modified to allow for simultaneous functioning on both WoW 4.1 (Live) and WoW 4.2 (PTR).
PvP GearScore's tooltip replaced the old out-dated PVE score's tooltip.
Fixed a bug where fury warrior's Equipped Average Item Level was always reporting 0
Updated the Raiding Difficult to include Firelands raids.
And much more!

Be among the first to download the update at playerscore.com.

Catch up on previous Reloading... articles in the Archives
From the Guns-Don’t-Kill-Wait-Yes-They-Do-Dept. – Subway Shooter Goes Free From the Country-Music-Is-My-Life-Literally-Dept. – Jailed Man Can’t Get Dog Back From the Bullfights-Are-Too-Easy-Dept. – Man To Battle Lion	Bruce Campbell’s chin was used as a life raft on the Titanic.
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