Welcome to the 846th Edition of Loading...

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Daily Column

Loading... In your face. Right now. Oh, man.

First, the Ten Ton Pulse, your finger on the beating heart of the MMOG industry.

If the Top 10 isn't enough, we now show the Top 20 and Top 50 lists as well, available to everyone on our homepage. (What is Pulse?)

1. Age of Conan - 200 BPM
2. World of Warcraft - 124 BPM
3. EverQuest 2 - 60 BPM
4. Lord of the Rings Online - 41 BPM
5. Warhammer Online - 30 BPM
6. Guild Wars - 27 BPM
7. Vanguard - 27 BPM
8. EVE Online - 26 BPM
9. Tabula Rasa - 19 BPM
10. Lineage 2 - 18 BPM

I have terrible news, dear reader, for I am not John 'Boomjack' Hoskin. John is AFK today, busy doing who-knows-what (possibly to your Mom) when we aren't paying attention. He mumbled something about an appointment as he left the office yesterday, stuffing pink and green Post-It! pads and various comfort-grip pens into the pockets of his ragged overcoat. So, for at least this one edition of Loading... you're stuck with me - Phil 'Ralphewhatthehellkindofnickisthateminius' Comeau. You know me as 'that guy who thinks he's funny that does the links at the end'.

For starters - we have winners in our Wakfu Beta Giveaway: Day One! But, we can't tell you who they are. And the winners can't tell you who they are, either, because it would violate the NDA. So, essentially if you're wondering if you've won and you're up-to-date on checking your email - keep an eye out, maybe you'll be next! You'll just have to trust us. We really did pick winners, really! It's not like that time you'd thought you'd won the Bulgarian Lottery thanks to that Nigerian prince.

Up until today, I thought I'd need those lottery winnings. After all, I need to save up for the launch of the iPhone here in Canada on July 11! I know, I know, this isn't exactly MMOG discussion, but it's John's fault for the cellphone service analogy in yesterday's Loading... Not only that, but for months now I've been prepping Mrs Ralph with a cunning executed propaganda campaign. "Oh, look, my BlackBerry is acting up again. Stupid trackball, there's dirt in there! If only I had a touch screen.", "Honey, can I borrow your cellphone? My battery has drained again, it hardly keeps a charge anymore," and "Darn it, if only I had a phone where I could watch this YouTube video of Japanese game shows involving house cats and packing tape." The timing is now perfect.

Her: "So, what do you want to do for Father's Day?"
Me: "Father's Day? Nothing. I despise those greeting card industry holidays. Bah, I say."
Her: "I thought maybe you could get yourself an iPhone when it comes out here."
Me: "Father's Day is an important day in the hierarchy of holidays. I agree with your proposal."
Her: "*le sigh*"

Some of our editors in the US made the leap last year with the 1st Gen iPhone, and the reviews were positive. Last year at Comic-Con, anytime one of the writing team wondered a question aloud, we'd force poor Jeff to fish it out of his pocket to do a web search; I think he caught on when Cody asked him to see if there were any local dwarf-tossing events in San Diego (oddly enough, there were not - maybe Tijuana?). The new phone will be 3G-capable (faster!), with GPS (cooler!) and lots of other bells and whistles (bellier, whistlier!) that have me more excited than Michael Jackson at a grade-school wrestling match. Plus, the 8 Gb iPhone lists at $199 and the 16 Gb goes for $299, a drastic improvement from the original launch pricing of the 1st Gen line.

With larger storage capacities, it's even turning into a small game platform as well. Ok, so it's 'Monkey Ball', not Age of Conan. I don't expect I'll ever be playing an MMOG on one of these things, but the ability to seamlessly search out information with such a large, easy-to-use screen makes me insanely happy. Every time I go to EVE FanFest, someone talks about a mobile platform for character skill changes, and this could be just the phone for which to finally finish that project. Purty please? It's not easy to keep tabs on three accounts some days. Would this really be so hard to do? Is there room for mobile applications that touch the MMOG gamespace? (Heh. Heheh. Touch.) Will mobile gaming ever really progress beyond Bejewelled or Hangman?

As a final bonus, I'll be able to use the unlimited data through the phone (something never before seen in Canada until now) as an internet connection for my laptop when I'm at my other, internet-restrictive job. THINK OF THE CONCURRENT PRODUCTIVITY!

Plus, all the cool kids will have it.

The Loading Forums await you. Do you feel the need to contact me personally with angry invective? Here's John's E-mail, he eats that up. Stay classy, San Diego.

--
[A big thanks to Me for putting together the links, headlines and taglines today. ]

14 new MMOG hand-crafted articles today! 102 in June! 1398 in 2008!

New MMOG Articles At Ten Ton Hammer Today

Images/Video

• Beyond Protocol: Launch Date and New Screenshots
• Wakfu: New Shots from the Beta
• Deco Online: Rushing to Battle - Six New Screens
• Legends of Norrath Artwork

Interviews

• Xivio: President/CEO David Wisotzky

Podcasts

• Game Over Ep 19 - Nipping Conan in the Nipples

Dev Diaries

• Anarchy Online: A New Door

Features

• Warhammer Online: Doom Fist Crater and Black Fire Basin

Contests

• Wakfu Beta Giveaway Winners (Not)Announced

Guides

• Age of Conan: Phoenix of the South - Priestess of Derketo
• Age of Conan: Ranger Feat Calculator Update
• Age of Conan: Tortage Mapped
• World of Warcraft: Zul'Aman Minimum Requirements
• Vanguard: Psionicist Spell Update, Lvls 1 - 25

Hot Content - Or, what I took a fancy to

1. Game Over Ep 19 - Nipping Conan in the Nipples
2. Xivio: President/CEO David Wisotzky
3. World of Warcraft: Is Season 4 Too Late?
4. Age of Conan ZBoard Contest - One Week Left!
5. EVE Online: Matt Woodward on Empyrean Age
6. Top 10 Free-to-Play Games, Week 7

Real World News

• Town Council warns of Crab Distress
  Won't somebody please think of the crustaceans???
• Spike-filled pit baffles Amsterdam police
  There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.
• Old Hen living at McDonald's finally captured
  I told Mom she had to leave, but there was no reasoning with her
  

Thanks as always for visiting TenTonHammer.com. More thanks to Me for doing the heavy lifting with the links.

- Phil 'Ralphedelominius' Comeau, on behalf of John 'Boomjack' Hoskin and the Ten Ton Hammer Team